Someone Finally Called Me a Whore

It's no big secret that last year, when I turned 27, I decided to change my life. I wanted to live with no expectations and I succeeded. I came into my own life; I fell in love with my body, found my sexuality, and I had sex with some people. I mean, I literally tripled the amount of people I had slept with last year. I joined into my local BDSM community where I would proceed to get naked, beaten, battered, and degraded in public. I'd soon learn that I would be a cumming little slut all the time, too.

And what do I do with all that experience?

I write about it. I blog and share my experiences with readers from all over the state, country, and world. And then, people ask me questions about their own sexuality and I get to answer them. Because now I am a conduit for information and exploration.

And I love this about me. I love that I am proud of my sexuality. I love that I am identified and known by a name I chose, Sabina. And when I wanted to make that more, add more to it, I took a last name, Harlot. Sabina Harlot... Sabina the Whore. Why does this have to be bad?

Why is the word whore so bad?

It isn't. It is only as bad as the power I give it. And so I'm reclaiming it. In fact, I am bringing back the antiquated word, Harlot. Because why not add a little flare?

I like my name, I like my identity and I decided to implement and brand that with my blog as the actual author. So I made a blogger facebook page. I did this because I'm a dreamer and I want to take this somewhere. I want big things in life.

So why, if I'm proud to be who I am and am a self-claimed Harlot, did it piss me off so bad that someone** called me a whore? "Whore simply doesn't fit the vision I had for Sabina..."

It wasn't that he called me a whore.

It was that he thought he got to choose who I am supposed to be. NO! I get to chose that because it is my life, my sex life, and these are my friends and my partners. He doesn't know them, barely knows me, and he doesn't get to chose who Sabina is.

I get to live this life once and only once. You get to you live your's, too. I'm going to shout it from the rooftops about the sex that I had if I want to. I'm going to erase the idea that women can't embrace their sexuality because damn it, we get notches on our bedposts, too!

**For the record, this wasn't a random stranger. This was someone I know closely and intimately and value with my life. I could give two fucks less what a stranger thinks.

SnarkySass Adventures: Debauchery

Alright, I've been at this blogging thing for over a year now and I can't believe how awesome it has been. You guys are fucking great. You've asked questions, you've shared fantasies, explored fetishes, and I've even been thanked for sharing my experiences. Can't begin to tell you how awesome that is because words only go so far.

So this year, I want to go further. Go harder, faster, deeper, and longer. Like popping a boner pill before sexy times, I want to take you to new heights. It starts with a branding. Tacking on a name to the idea of the person that IS Snarky Sass. Hi, I'm Sabina, Sabina Harlot. I have a thing for it when people call me Bina. It tingles a little. So there. Step one, done.

The next part is acquiring things to tell you about and on the list so far is answering a question about strap-ons and squirting, just to cock tease you a little.

But, the biggest, coolest, bestest part of all is the introduction of SnarkySass Adventures.

GoFundMe Campaign SnarkySass Adventures: Debauchery

This May, I want to attend a three day sex-positive BDSM conference in North Carolina. I have already bought my ticket and a couple new outfits to be event appropriate in, but for the rest, I need your help. I'm hoping to crowd-fund my expenses to make the actual trip and stay in the hotel. If you've ever thought about my posts and wondered what the experience is like, I'm in that state of wonder right now. I'm absolutely positive nothing is going to be like this. I can't begin to fathom or imagine what I might see but what I will be able to learn from the classes (there are over 40!!) will be enough to help you guys explore and answer your questions a lot better than I can already.

I'm 28, I've never stayed in a hotel by myself or even taken a vacation for myself. I need your help to make this one tiny dream come true and I will bring back a hell of a lot of sass, the perfect amount of snark, and an overabundance of sex. I'm not a submissive by nature, doesn't mean I ain't to proud to beg. I can't tell you how much I would appreciate anything you can spare. I love you guys!

GoFundMe Campaign SnarkySass Adventures: Debauchery

The Darkness Intriguing

Disclaimer: This may or may not be graphic in nature.

I expect to take flack from what I'm about to tell you. I expect your reactions to be stereotypical. Don't worry, I'm braced. I'm a big girl with big girl panties. I've already had this conversation with someone who needed it so here I am, telling the rest of the world.

I'm a fetishist. Yeah, I'm a freak. Every inch of me burns with the desire to feel that this is most abhorrent to the majority of the world. My soul finds that level of fucking freedom in the weirdest places. My skin has bruised shades of red that make people cringe. You think you like rough sex? This takes me higher.

And the reach of the freak inside burns deep. Because inside this little head of mine, and inside the heads of a lot of women, lays this darkness. This darkness that is too taboo, it is so bad that I told you I wouldn't even talk about it. But that's changed.

But at the depths my fantasies, do you know what lays there? Nonconsent. Rape.

Don't you dare judge me.

In the prettiest places in our psyches, it is the thing that scares us that elicits the beauty that is arousal. In the way you don't realize your body wants it, that is where this lays. And a lot of women, fetishist or not, experience this same pull to the bad.

This intrigue inside my head gets swept up and churned with the craved feeling of hands at my throat, smacks across my face, and level of rough intensity.

Do you know why I am telling you this? If you're a woman and you feel this way, if your girlfriend feels this way, you're not alone. That darkness doesn't have to swallow or make you ashamed of it. Because at the core, nonconsent is bad. But that doesn't mean you have to had from the fact that the bad things in the world make your skin electric instead of crawl in the darkness of your own bedroom.

This isn't a call for consent violations. Keep your dick in your pants, boys.

This is a notice that there are safe ways to explore even the parts of your mind you don't want to admit are there. And the consensual nonconsent can take you places you didn't know existed.

Consent. It isn't a blurred line. It is there or it isn't.

Nonconsent.

Arousing.



Image notes: This is an image in relationship to Erotic Asphyxiation. No rape or consent violation was explored or intended in the photo.

Dear Sabina: So You Want to Domme?

I decided to make a change and incorporate myself into the blog in a way that utilizes my sex-scene-name. We all have our vices and our stories, Sabina is mine, and come on, I had a thing for Dear Abby when I was 10.

I read your post about being a dominatrix for the first time and it sounds so wonderful. I've wanted to do this for my husband for a long time but I'm nervous. How can I get started?

Okay, so the first thing that you have to know is that I am by no stretch of the imagination an expert on the matter. I'm not even what I would call experienced. I'm just a sadomasochist who put a lot of effort into studying how to be safe with [Aristotle] and how to really get going. I spent some time talking to someone who has been a Domme for several years and she has collared submissives.

That said, this has to really be a part of who you are. You don't have to have a Type A personality out of the gate and this may not all come naturally to you at first but you have to want it. If you are going to feel awkward and out of place, it will only hurt your morale. So start by getting into the right mindset that you are a beautiful woman, you're forceful, and the very nature of the world should bend to your will. 

Find rhythm and strength in what makes you feel comfortable. Are you going to want to be in charge, cause him/her pain, make them pleasure you? What do you want out of it? Yes, I want all of those things and that is okay, too.

If you want to make the serious jump into it, start with education and knowing the safe ways to tie or hit someone. Yes, there are rules and there are safety things it isn't all just hot kink, though it is that, too. Don't use self-cinching ties when you're getting started, they can be dangerous. Don't hit someone in the spine. It all seems like common sense but mistakes can happen.

I also recommend reading BDSM 101 which is written with a snarky attitude from the point of view from a professional submissive. It is a wonderful read and a wonderful way to get started. And join websites that provide forums for education and ideas.

And also, clothes. The right look will be a nice bolster to your confidence.

Spellbound

I write about all of the BDSM scenes that stand out. I write about the ones I do in public, the ones that change who I am, and the ones that I try for the first time. So why is it that I wouldn't want to write about this one? Why is it that I wouldn't want to write about the one that everyone wanted to ask about?

Because I don't know how it fucking happened.

I simply know that it was.

Don't give me that cynical look like you've never been swept up in a goddamn moment before. I know better. We all have. We all have moments where we look back and say, "How the hell did I end up here?"

I simply know that I was standing and talking to two of my friends at the party and I can't even remember why or what I said that was an off-handed side comment in his general direction. Just that it got his attention.

And then I simply do not know.

I know I was lucid but it was like Bette Midler had strolled up in the bar and cast a spell on me.

I'm sure it had something and everything to do with the way he talked about mental dominance and how the most sadistic thing he could do is stop.

I just know I was terrified of this man. Don't worry, it isn't like this is some big shocking confession, he knew. I remember the shock of finding myself naked. I don't remember the point when everyone else stopped existing and it was our world. And I don't know how I got there. In fact, later it would be explained to me as if he and I were the only ones that mattered, I was in a trance early on.

Then it happened. People came up again to compliment my scene and to tell me how amazing it was to watch. I had forgotten there were people there witnessing it. Each and every time I enter subspace it feels a little more like home and I love to go deeper and deeper still. I want to reach the point to where my very existence feels subliminal like a part of the cosmos. And in a scene where my mind can be given, I might get there someday.

That's Miss Sabina, to you!

Ever had one of those experiences that changes your life? Gives you confidence, strength, and ultimate power? I have and [Aristotle] gave that to me. He handed it to me on a goddamn silver platter the moment he said he wanted to submit to me.

For years, I have known that I have a dominant side in me. I've dabbled in topping and in masturbation control. It is a thrill that I feel deep inside when a man begs for my permission, generosity or mercy.

But this is what I've wanted; what I've craved.

I wanted to cause the sound of the whip. I wanted to control, demand, punish, and reward.

I haven't found a lot of men confident in their own sexuality to lose control to a woman. I've seen fear in their eyes or heard it in their voice. But then when you plant a "Get the Fuck Over Here Kiss" (trademarks pending), it makes them question their resolve. But [Aristotle], he is different.

He knew that by agreeing to meet me, he would be mine. My pleasure would come from control and his pleasure would belong to me. He showed up in a black shirt just like I told him to and everything stirred in my veins. Blood pumping hot and strong, power driving my moves, my panties getting wet, stimulus overload.

And in public, I made his face the most beautiful shade of red by making sure he knew exactly what was coming his way. I'm not the most handy person when it comes to creating things but I managed to rig a complete door jam to string my little sub to the front door. It worked beautifully and I am fucking proud of it!

I put together a sampler platter of goodies for us to try. Well, really, I wanted to try and test the waters but I needed to know what we would both like. There was a lot of shoving my wet fingers down his throat, whipping, and making sure he knew his place was beneath me and he would kneel if I said kneel. He wasn't even allowed to talk unless I decided to grant his permission.

I've never felt such a high. Never had my own excitement running down my legs.

Until then.

Our scene ended in more fantasy fulfillment when I untied him and granted him permission to pleasure me until we were a glistening heap of sexed bodies on the living room floor.

And in the moments after, I knew the side of me I'd tried to find for years.

Her name My name is Miss Sabina, and I'm fucking hott.

The Rules of the Game

Your sexuality belongs to you. It is yours for the molding, the shaping, and the experiencing. Not a single person will ever experience it like you. So why are you letting them shape it for you?

You will face judgement at every turn in your life and your sex life is one of those. So fucking get over it and live it the way you want to. And if you think it is easier said than done, I'm doing it everyday. So here are my words of wisdom. The rules of the game.

27 is not too old to get fingered outside in the Applebee's parking lot.

You're never too experienced to ask for something brand new.

When that hot guy with the nice dick comes to town, fuck him.

Don't let a messy bedroom stop you from a nice lay.

Don't be afraid to be just a little selfish.

Lick it before you stick it. 

Buy a sex toy. Go on. Treat yourself.

If you want to swipe right on Tinder just for that hookup... SWIPE RIGHT.

And if none of this is for you, that's okay. Be happy.

PSA: I'm Not Just Sex

So you're here and you're reading this blog; that means you know I have sex. You know I like talking about sex. You may not have known until this very moment that I now work in the sex industry (no, I'm not a porn star or a prostitute). I mean I fucking love everything this is about sex. It is beautiful, passionate, and pleasureful; what isn't to love? I enjoy making people feel comfortable with their bodies and their sexual identities.

But here is a little run down of how to behave when you meet me and/or my comrades:

1) Do not disrespect us. When I am on this blog I am sassy and honest. When I am work I am professional. But above that, I am human.

2) I will walk you through my most wicked fantasies. I will help you work through your own. That doesn't mean I will play through any of them, at all, with you.

3) I want you to ask me questions and confess your inner most fetishes with me. I will respect you and not judge you, I would like the same.

4) I actually have a Bachelor of Arts in Sociology. I like the way people interact, I like watching them. That also means that I am intelligent and that I have other interests to provide a potential mate than a hot twat.

There isn't just one reason that this needs to be said, and it is kind of pathetic that it needs to be said. I have had no negative responses like I was prepared for. I was prepared for slut-shaming and whore-slandering. But what I got was a call to lose my standards and consistent disrespect. I'm human and you are too.

I won't stop writing and I won't stop talking. More importantly, I won't stop fucking. And that takes away the bully power. I'm just me and I'm happy with it.

Image Credit: Pinup Bombshells

Guest Post: Slut or Lover? The Trials of Being Polyamorous

The story I shared last time? Happened over a decade ago. I'm now married to the man I consider my best friend and life partner. It's pretty awesome.

We've both been with other people off and on throughout our years together. Some were strong emotional connections, some were just good sex. Overall, we've had a pretty great poly experience because we have a good relationship with each other and both live very honest, open lives. And so we both always stick to the rules. If you're thinking of trying polyamoury or swinging, it's very important that you have set rules and complete honesty among all parties involved. It's up to you and your partner what those rules should be. Be prepared to change the rules later, if needed. Always speak up if you have a concern or are uncomfortable. Polyamoury is not about jealousy or manipulating others' emotions.

But today, I want to talk about some of the negative parts of living a non-monogamous lifestyle. When other people are thrown into the midst of your most intimate relationship, sometimes it doesn't all go as planned.

It's strange how some people react to the revelation that we are not monogamous. I've lost friendships over it. I've been told I should leave my husband by his concerned friends. I've, of course, been called a slut. On the flip side, sometimes it brings unwanted attentions. In my early 20s, I turned down quite a few middle-aged couples looking for a spry young lady to join them. They all took it rather gracefully, but not everyone I've rejected does. Some people seem to think that if you are non-monogamous, you must want all the sex you can possibly get. (Hello, standards?) Others, after becoming involved in a relationship with me, decided to try to convince me to leave my partner to exclusively be with them. For me, that's a complete deal-breaker. It's led to stalking (no fun, man!) and dramatic confrontations. And that's why you want to make sure everyone is 100% clear on your rules.

On the other hand, if one of your partners does develop inappropriate feelings for you, it doesn't necessarily have to turn out badly. I have had a good friend and partner recognize that he was starting to feel jealous and possessive and deal with the situation himself. I won't say there were no hurt feelings or sadness, but we remain good friends and he's also good friends with my husband.

One of the hardest parts of leading a polygamous lifestyle is the time involved in maintaining multiple relationships. If you're not having emotionally involved relationships, this is less of an issue, but still there. If you and your prospective partner can't find an hour every week or two to spend together, it might not be worth the mental/emotional strain of trying to maintain multiple healthy relationships. Because even if you don't want your extra partners to love you, you do want them to respect you.

Sweet n Sexy's disclaimer: Everything I write about is from personal experience. I am not an expert. Only you know what's right for you and your relationship. I'm just here to provide insight. Stay safe and have fun! XO

Fetish Confessions: Teddy Bear Part 2

The last time I was talking to Teddy Bear, we were discussing the different fetishes that he has and what is so amazingly hot about them. This time we're dealing with the tender stuff. The fragile nature of sharing those fetishes with your partner and if he can even have a partner that can't accept them.

Is your fetish lifestyle something that you are open about or do you only share it with a select few?

I am open about it with my closest friends and lovers. I think society teaches us to be ashamed of sex when its something that should be regarded as beautiful and spiritual. That said, I think sex/fetishes are something that should be personal in some ways. For example, I don't think one should embrace their fetishes/sexuality to the point of becoming dangerously promiscuous (in terms of STD's, not respecting one's own emotional worth or needs, etc.). Fetishes are things that are personal and should be shared intimately. And just to clarify to your readers, I consider what you do with your blog to be extremely intimate. Intimacy doesn't mean sharing only with one or few people. Intimacy is sharing with people who want to understand you and who want to experience a part of your deepest self in a genuine sense. When we can share our fetishes with others (sometimes even strangers), it can be deeply intimate if they truly appreciate what you're revealing to them and if they return that intimacy by sharing something of themselves. So, I guess even my perception of intimacy is about vulnerability in the masculine and feminine....

Speaking of what I do here, something that I have heard since I've been talking about things like this, is that I am brave. Do you ever feel, after sharing your fetishes, that you are vulnerable? Open for criticism?

I feel like I am vulnerable, yes, because I'm letting people know some of the most intimate parts of me. But I don't feel like I'm open for criticism. My sexual nature is my own and as long as I'm not hurting myself or others, nobody has a right to "criticize" my fetishes. I know my opinion on that is strongly influenced by having to deal with the repercussions of coming out, especially in a repressive, rural culture. Now if a partner wants to criticize my technique, that's totally fine (and I expect them to!). But criticizing my fetishes isn't something I'm interested in entertaining for others. I just think that's a dangerous path to secretly let the rampant sexual repression of our culture come into the conversation.

When do you try confide in/try it out with a new partner?

Honestly, from the beginning. I've made the mistake of not discussing it upfront with some partners (trust me....don't do that!). You have to know if your partner can accept your fetishes and if they can help you fulfill them (directly or indirectly). My current partner is a psych major and he has tried to psychoanalyze my fetishes when we've tried to engage in them. That kills the mood for me every time. However, I appreciate the fact that he's tried to engage in my fetishes to know who I am on a deeper level. Because we feel we're perfect for each other on almost every other level, we compromised to expand our relationship to polyamory for the right additional partners. Your partner should ALWAYS be willing to help meet your needs (and vice-versa); this was our way of doing that.

Would you say that you’re only attracted to people who can share in that with you? I know I am turned off by people who don't want to explore or even participate in the most tame fetishes. I have to be able to explore this side of me and I want a partner who has a similar side.

Definitely. Having spent so much of my teen years repressing who I was from those I cared about, I have no interest in doing that now. And we shouldn't have to repress ourselves...we should express ourselves! (Cue Madonna in my head.... Oi, I'm such a queer sometimes....) :-) That said, they don't have to fully engage in my fetishes, but they have to attempt to understand, accept, and embrace them in their own way.

Do you still enjoy “vanilla” sex or is the fetish a must now?

I do still enjoy vanilla sex because of the intimacy it creates between my partner and I. However, I'm attracted to vanilla sex because of him and my connection to him, not because I enjoy vanilla sex itself. So in some ways, fetish is a must now. I view sex as another way to bond with people, though, so this helps me transcend my need for fetish.

How do you feel about this saying: “A kink is a thrill, and a fetish is a must”?

I suppose it depends on how we define these things. There are certainly things that are musts and things that are just thrills (i.e., optional). In that sense, I totally agree with the statement, and it helps give a definition to what kinks and fetishes are (something that is hard to do in the kink/fetish community, I think).

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Participating in Fetish Confessions is easy & I promise I will be gentle. Just visit me here and signup or email me! ❤

Further Down the Rabbit Hole

I have a lot of interesting fetishes. I love exploring who I am and what I enjoy. But I recently uncovered that if sexuality were a swimming pool, while I've done more than get my feet wet, I'm still toeing the shallow end of sex and fetishes and there is a lot more to go.

What I thought I knew:
I am a Dom/sub (D/s) Switch who wants bondage, biting, choking, and to explore pegging...while wearing boots.

What I realized was that I don't really know anything.

I also know now that things are about to get steamy around here.

First of all, I don't live the lifestyle. In a lot of D/s relationships, it is a complete lifestyle choice and they live it when they can inside and outside of the bedroom. I don't do that. I will be a strong and independent women outside in the real world while maybe I like to have someone spank me behind closed doors. Or maybe I want to bend a man over, and make him mine in every way. But that is still behind closed doors. That makes all the difference.

For everything else, it is overwhelming to fall into a world where things are very niche. And everything is made into acronyms. AB/DL (Adult Baby/Diaper Lover), CD TV (Cross Dressing Transvestite, DDF (Disease & Drug Free), and those are only the ones that I have had to figure out for myself. Some of them are self-explanatory, some of them are things that I didn't know were things, some are just interesting.

But it is all beautiful. Completely overwhelming and beautiful. People being exactly who they want to be.

A lot of people that I have the pleasure of talking to have these fetishes but are embarrassed by them and have trouble talking about them. I'm here to help. I want to tell you I don't have judgments and I'm not critical. I'm a freak, too. 

I cannot wait to explore this and continue talking about fetishes with the people that have them.

Image Credit: Suzi9mm

71% of Women & I'm Not One of Them

Someone once gave me a complex about orgasms. They told me I was hard to get off.

The problem is when someone is going down on me, I kind of expect magic. I expect that I should be getting off immediately and I know that it feels good, it is erotic to look down and see someone's head buried between my legs and it really is one of my favorite things. However, even though it feels good, if the moment doesn't happen early on my mind begins to wander and I get frustrated. I get nervous that they're going to get tired or upset.

Those nerves and those frustrations of my own make orgasming orally nearly impossible at times.

But...I'm lucky...

You see, unlike 71% of women, I can orgasm from actual penetration during sex!

As long as my partner can hold on and hold out, we've got this in the vag bag.

A couple things to remember is that different women orgasm from different stimulus. It isn't all just about ass, titties, and twat. Each part our body is laced with different nerves and they all provide different sensations. That said, it is really up to your body to decide what it likes, then it is up to you to tend those needs.

Some things to keep in mind:

• Talk with your partner

Tell him/her what it is that you like. Don't be afraid to voice what you want. Use words like harder, slower, faster, up, down, or even full changes like "use your fingers". It is no strange occurrence for me to yell "Bite me" during oral sex. It is usually going to give me that extra stimulus (and also bruises).

• Don't think about it

If you start thinking about it and stressing out it won't happen. I know this for a fact. I also know that it is much easier said than done. But if you find you're mind wandering, switch it up. Change position. Go from oral to intercourse. Do something. Even taking a small break from oral can give you the piece of mind that when he continues, s/he wants to be there. And it is a little bit of the give and take to know they're getting something, too. 

• Accept how your body reacts

I've received a variety of orgasms in my experience. Oral, vaginal, anal...and something special. Our bodies are like little road maps to beautiful destinations and you should really take the scenic route. You honestly never know what you will find. The term "Hidden G Spot" is one that you may discover has quite magical properties.

Orgasms for a lot of people are not the end goal of intimacy. They are for me. Do any of you go through anything like this? Trouble getting your rocks off? Is it easier to masturbate? We won't talk about faking but I'm sure we have all been there. Share your thoughts with me in the comments.

Image Credit: Eric Amaranth

Reader Response: Cuckolding

You guys never seem cease to amaze me with how awesome you really are. When I put out a question to Twitter for your ideas and what you want to see discussed in Fetish Confessions, you came. I received an excellent question and an even more flattering compliment.

Today's question comes from a Twitter lovely:

What do you think of cuckolding? From the man and woman’s perspective in a relationship?

So I have to be honest and say that you and I, my beautiful reader, learn things from each other every day. Cuckolding is not what I thought it was. And so I have thought about this and slept on it and did my due diligence in research as well. And let me tell you, that you can sign me up for this.

But with tenuous conditions.

First, for those who don't know, cuckolding is when you bring another man into a married relationship for the purpose of stirring jealousy for arousal. This is a mental/psychological fetish where the man (the cuckold) is aroused and turned on by the thought of his wife being thrilled by not only another man, but in general a more endowed man, a younger man, a man that is everything he isn't. It is usually followed up with sharing the details, the clean up, or actually observing the transgressions.

Now as someone who isn't necessarily bent on an exclusive relationship right now, this could be something that I could really get into and really share with the right partner. However, as I mentioned there are conditions.

It seems that cuckolds and hotwives chose this as a lifestyle. I don't want to be forced into seducing other men and when I set out to have sex with my significant other, I don't want to talk about other people. I just want to fuck who I am with at that moment in time. I understand the desire and the lust behind sharing the details but as in all fetishes, it is a give and take. Give me my moment, I will give you yours.

The main thing that keeps lingering in my mind is that cuckolding is not an excuse to cheat. There is a hotwife and then there is a cheater. These are very different and it ultimately comes down to the one thing that people fail most at: communication. Sorry bitches, it's true. We all just suck at talking to each other sometimes.

As a side note, I'm not generally one for mental manipulation, humiliation, etc. forms of torture but this doesn't necessarily always have to fit that mold. I'm also inclined to just say give me a threesome!

Image Credit: Askmen.com

Reader Response: Fetish Confessions

There are so many fetishes in the world. It can be a little overwhelming and I like to talk about all of them. I'm not going to understand every one of them, I'm not going to do every one of them, but I'm going to do a lot of them. But today's question isn't about me, check it out.

An anonymous Facebooker writes:

What is the weirdest fetish that a guy has ever confessed to you?

The hardest part of this is accepting whether or not something is weird. Just because I don't do it doesn't mean I see it as weird, I just see it as another aspect of being a fetishist. I mean you have scat, beastiality, pain, feet, bondage, etc. Anyone who was considerably tamer than me would think those are all pretty weird but I can't find it that way. But I was able to dredge up something.

It seems that cum is such a big thing for boys.

Personally, facials don't do it for me. I find when I see it in a girls' eye, I get worried for her well being. And when I see it in her hair, I suddenly remember how horrible it is to get out of my hair.

And it is probably for these type of reasons that cum funneling takes the cake for the weirdest fetish. 

The way I see the deeds are done and there is no need to play with it afterwards.

For those who are wondering, cum funneling is when a bunch of guys cum all over her hot twat and they collect it in a pan or bucket as it runs off. Bet you can guess what happens next! They funnel right back inside of her! That just seems tedious and more sticky than I would want to get wrapped up in after I've already gotten my rocks off. But that is just me. I support the fact that it exists and its out there turning people on.

And for those of you playing at home, this question has given way to a new feature I will run on the blog #FetishConfessions. Hot and steamy interview style confessionals that you can be a part of! I will always keep your responses confidential and anonymous unless you ask me otherwise. You can hit up the comments, the contact box, or email me! I do need an email if we're going to talk about this, I'm sure I won't disappoint!

Just Call Me Katy Perry...

Because I kissed a girl and I liked it!

So this is my "coming-out-but-have-nothing-to-come-out-about" post. I hope you're prepared for my secrets.

The story here is that once upon a time I went through that phase. The phase where you really just want to glomp the faces of all your friends. The phase where you think the ladies are so gorgeous, you just want to touch them; everywhere.

I went through that phase well until the moment that I had my first dick. For a while after that time I still identified as bisexual. I've been through the gambit with it too. I had a couple girlfriends, a couple girl crushes, and I actually came out to the roommate that I had in college. I have been called a carpet-muncher. I have attended HRC events. I was and am always pretty proud of who I am.

But sexuality can be fluid. My attractions change and so do my desires. Sexuality is exactly what we make it to be. Now, I see things as more flowing and intense than in black and white. Well, maybe I just like to say fuck labels. If you asked me the black and white question today, I would identify as straight. But that doesn't mean I wouldn't (or don't want) to make love to a beautiful woman. I would.

My first experience with a girl was in middle school. I will always remember her. The way her breasts felt in my hands. Sometimes the details get a little blurry with age but I will never forget her face or how hopelessly addicted to her I was.

But that would be replaced a few years later in high school by a couple girls. They were both my best friends. The first was so small and beautifully gentle. Her skin was delicious and soft and she came unknowingly close to giving me my first orgasm. But she has her own post someday. The next was a tan beauty who would grow not only to be the first girl to feel the inside of my body but would be the closest I have ever been to a threesome. There have been a smattering of beautiful girls around those ladies as well. I can't count them on one hand anymore at the very least.

My life as a sexual story consists of fucking beautiful people. 

Everyone should feel so comfortable in their sexuality and attraction. Bodies and whore-moans work in interesting ways and it usually just pays to listen to them.

And for the record, Cristina Scabbia is the absolute most perfect woman that I have ever had the pleasure of laying eyes on. Oh! The things I would do to her body would be scrumptious and delicious for the both of us.

As a side note, I don't believe in the idea that you chose a sexuality or that it makes sense for women to fuck women because only we know what we like. I believe you accept your partner and you fuck them until they can't walk straight. That is all.

Image Credit: Etsy artist DrawMeASong

Image Credit: RockerWikia - Cristina Scabbia

Reader Response: How Many?

I figured this question was looming somewhere in the minds of readers and it finally surfaced a few days ago and I have what I think is a pretty powerful response.

Today's question was from reader who wishes to remain anonymous:

How many sexual partners have you had?

There are a lot of things that I will answer and that I will put out there for everyone but answering the question about how many partners I have had isn't one of them.

I think that most people let their judgement sides out when people start talking about sex because apparently since I am comfortable with my sexuality and talking about it, I must be a whore.

But really that has nothing to do with anything. Its part of the reason I will not be answering this questions. 1...2...skip a few...99...100. None of that matters.

My goal is to share sex in a safe setting and open people up to their own sexuality. It has been a lot of hard work to be confident and it has required a lot of fuckups and through that experience I want to help other people find this strength. My number doesn't give quality to my experience and it doesn't give anyone anything to "strive" for and therefore it is irrelevant.

Besides, it isn't even something to be sassy about so why fucking bother?

The Condom Etiquette

Sharing the Responsibility & Having the Discussion

The condom talk is something that you need to be having. Your health and the health of your partner should mean something to the both of you.

Image Credit: ABC News

If I tell you that condoms are an important part of being responsible, you're going to already know that. But that doesn't mean that dealing with talking about it is any easier. But it is time to work on that. There is certainly a first time for everything. It is also time to realize that the girls are going to have to share in the responsibility here.If you're going to insist that your partner wear them (and you should), you should contribute to the effort and buy them. Invest in your healthy sex life.

This revelation comes on the wings of my latest turns in the sheets. Let's call him [Max]. I've not written about [Max] yet but I should have. For the record, I decided to call him [Max] because you know...he fills me to the max. But anyways!

[Max] came over on a whim with no condoms and it fell to me to supply them, Thankfully, I had some on reserve. Personally, I prefer Trojan Ultra Thins but let's just face it, some men are magnums. Before I digress too much, the point is that we blew through the reserves and I really wondered what to do about. When of course, it clicked that I'm an equal part in this extracurricular activity, I should help fund it.

Have you ever seen Pretty Woman? It is time we pull a Julia Roberts and carry our own! This essentially means that he will never have an excuse. But carrying them is only part of the equation...you have to tell him to wear it. Here are some things to realize about having the condom talk...

1) Just accept that it is going to be awkward.
There is going to be the moment when you have to talk about it. There is going to be the moment when the groping stops so he can put a slimy balloon on his penis. It is going to be awkward. Get over it.

2) Be prepared for an excuse.
Not all men are sleazy. They won't all give you a hard time about it. There are some good ones who even have their own and won't make a move without it. But either way, be prepared to have to stand your ground.

3) Just say it.
Make it sexy or make it demanding, it doesn't matter. Just make it known that he isn't getting into your fiery love hole without it.

Sometimes I wonder what I was even talking about, then I remember: Girls, suck it up and buy the condoms, too!

Reader Response: Sexytime Places

You guys are really interested in the places I have had sex it seems. I wish I could say that I had more interesting answers but I will just keep being honest instead!

Today's question is from an anonymous reader:

What is the wildest non-bed place for sex?

See, I told you you guys were all interested in where I am getting the nanky on. I was literally just asked this in a game of Truth Jenga two days ago as well. Let's see. I can answer this in two separate responses.

Place I have had sex...
Well, I tried to have sex in a church parking lot once but it was a no go. I have had sex on the hood of a car as I talked about Exhibitionism. But, I'm going to say the first time that I had sex in a car it was off of a really humid country road and I was so tall that we had to have the doors open and we were being eaten by mosquitoes. It was so bad that he even killed a mosquito on the windshield that was there when we sold the car 3 years later. Don't ask.

Place I would like to have sex...
Well, there is random hot hook-up sex that could be in a bar bathroom. But I already talked about that too. (Apparently, I like to talk about having sex in places as much you guys are wanting to know!) I think that it would also be super hot to have sex in a public elevator that is being recorded on a security camera. So wildly inappropriate but totally would be amazing.

Keep submitting those questions guys! Ask about anything anonymously or claimed. Sex toys, fetishes, virginity, it is all game!

The Things I Fucked Up

I'm 27 and I've never really been too much into the dating scene. I had a really long relationship through college, lost my virginity to him, moved in with him, etc. He and I met on Myspace as locals and it just sort of happened. It wasn't like I got picked up after class or hit on a sporting event it just happened online. It happened pretty quickly in fact.

6 years later we split up and I'm facing the world of first dates. I mean I am sure I will write about those too but for now, let's talk about let me rant about the things I did to fuck up the casual dating scene. Particularly my crash and burn with [The Guy]. What? You thought my awesome twat was enough to sustain that rock star sex? Yeah, me too.

Using the book, Why Men Love Bitches, as a starting point, I have made my own list of What-The-Fuck-Were-You-Thinking-Leila moves (aka Life Lessons) that could save your love (read: sex) life later! For the record, these are in no particular order.

Tried too hard to pursue him
It wasn't like the world revolved around him. I didn't even want to be his girlfriend. I did want to be his friend for the record. But I can say that I probably spammed a little too much in the texts, and I was a little too available for someone who couldn't make much time for me. It added a lot of pressure to a situation that needed to be lax. Life lesson: Remember to just "be". It is to fucking cliche to say go with the flow but really, just let this shit happen.

Gave away the goods
Come on, we all know I slept with him on the first date. Over 1000 people have read What I Learned From Sex on the First Date, so it is no secret. And I will never regret that. Regretting good sex is something you just don't do. But...I put out a lot of stuff the first few rounds we knocked back. Stuff usually saved for way later like period sex or anal sex. Exploration and trying new things. I was even on top! It was wonderful and intense but ultimately left nothing in the bag for surprises. Life lesson: Don't tilt your hand before the end of the game.

Moved into his territory
So he inspired me to try new fucking things...big deal. I went to a bar...by myself. I just happen to roll up into a place where he was already chilling. Now, I bet you're wondering what the big deal is. You see, going to the bar solo is a big deal for me...I may have been a little anxious and stressed while fighting my biggest fear and source of anxiety...ever. So I may have been a little spastic. Maybe. Doesn't mean I am psycho-stalker-bitch. Life lesson: Keep your fucking cool.

Totally Transparent
I made it apparent that I thought he was hott, I was interested, and that he was on my mind quite often. It would be different to think those things but I may have consistently reminded him. I just wanted him to know, I certainly want people to tell me those things. But I couldn't see the line and I am sure I crossed it. My bad. Life lesson: Stay mysterious.

Drunk texts are always bad
It shouldn't have mattered that he insisted on seeing me tipsy texting, my brain just lets it go and I always said things that left me feeling like an apology was needed. This probably isn't the worse thing that someone could do but I ended up rambling about a married, expectant father who was hitting on me in texts and making me uncomfortable. Seriously, not cute and not something I would have talked about with him sober. Life lesson: When you're drunk or too bored, have your best friend hide your phone. Just don't forget to turn the ringer off because then you're like a bloodhound the minute it goes off. Not worth it...believe me.

Each person is inherently different. It is where we get the saying "different strokes for different folks" and that is just how the human experience is supposed to be. However, there can be general things to keep in mind and I think that is the thing to take away from this. If you're a dude, I strongly encourage you to just man up and tell her what is going on in your head. I know it is hard and you're weird and you're awkward but damn, don't be a dick. Girls, we're still human and we're going to screw up. Be prepared to either apologize or slap your sexy boots back and on keep walking. We are always have a lot of questions and what-ifs in life; sex and dating will be one but that isn't the end of everything.

The White Elephant in the Room: I Masturbate

Being my normal bookworm self, I was reading a book Hooking Up (there are plenty, I don't recommend this one) and it was talking about how humiliated the author was about saying she masturbated and I realized holy shit, this is a real problem. I used to be the same exact same way.

What happened? What changed? What makes it so easy for me to say:

I masturbate!

Generally speaking, its kind of expected for guys to masturbate but girls its an interesting thing. For one, there are SO MANY toys that we have to choose from. Bullets, rabbits, and silicone; and it can all be very overwhelming. Not to mention men totally spank the nanky to videos of girls masturbating. But yet it still is a little shocking when girls admit to twiddling themselves. 

Get over it, dudes. 

Girls, grow some ovaries and admit to it!

It doesn't matter what your reason or what your style (toys are a must for me, before you ask), just accept that masturbation is part of a healthy sex life/drive. I will use this time to say that I often masturbate to make myself get tired enough to go to sleep. Very rarely Never does masturbating help calm my sexytime nerves but I will certainly put it to the test if I can't get up with a partner. Those are really my only two reasons unless you count the occasional sexting session or phone sex. At which point, yes, I really am touching myself. 

Should I share my self-discovery story? Should I tell you that there was a boy I was totally crushing on in high school that kept encouraging me and "tutoring" me? It is totally true. He and I would play a game of "Truth" over ICQ and it was just an excuse to get turned on. It took me a long time to really even begin to touch myself and would be even longer before I bought my first vibrator which would lead to my first orgasm. But through him, I was encouraged to be intimate with myself. Explore my body. I went through a "what does this feel like inside me" phase. In college, I went through a "I have alone time, I must masturbate" phase. Now, I'm a sexed up woman who can't always call up her partners and literally takes matters into her own hands. 

And that's okay. I won't deny it. I'm old enough, horny enough, and sexy enough to admit this. 

If you've never tried masturbating and have questions about toys, use the box on the sidebar and ask. I would be happy to share the details. If you're nervous to try, do it in a clean environment, try letting your hands roam in the shower. And if you're in a relationship, don't worry masturbating isn't cheating and mutual masturbation is a totally acceptable form of foreplay. 

Now I want you to share your secrets with me. Leave me a comment and share your self discovery story. Share your style.