Saturday, March 29, 2014

Reader Response: Fetish Confessions

There are so many fetishes in the world. It can be a little overwhelming and I like to talk about all of them. I'm not going to understand every one of them, I'm not going to do every one of them, but I'm going to do a lot of them. But today's question isn't about me, check it out.

An anonymous Facebooker writes:

What is the weirdest fetish that a guy has ever confessed to you?

The hardest part of this is accepting whether or not something is weird. Just because I don't do it doesn't mean I see it as weird, I just see it as another aspect of being a fetishist. I mean you have scat, beastiality, pain, feet, bondage, etc. Anyone who was considerably tamer than me would think those are all pretty weird but I can't find it that way. But I was able to dredge up something.

It seems that cum is such a big thing for boys.

Personally, facials don't do it for me. I find when I see it in a girls' eye, I get worried for her well being. And when I see it in her hair, I suddenly remember how horrible it is to get out of my hair.

And it is probably for these type of reasons that cum funneling takes the cake for the weirdest fetish. 

The way I see the deeds are done and there is no need to play with it afterwards.

For those who are wondering, cum funneling is when a bunch of guys cum all over her hot twat and they collect it in a pan or bucket as it runs off. Bet you can guess what happens next! They funnel right back inside of her! That just seems tedious and more sticky than I would want to get wrapped up in after I've already gotten my rocks off. But that is just me. I support the fact that it exists and its out there turning people on.

And for those of you playing at home, this question has given way to a new feature I will run on the blog #FetishConfessions. Hot and steamy interview style confessionals that you can be a part of! I will always keep your responses confidential and anonymous unless you ask me otherwise. You can hit up the comments, the contact box, or email me! I do need an email if we're going to talk about this, I'm sure I won't disappoint!

Thursday, March 27, 2014

Just Call Me Katy Perry...

Because I kissed a girl and I liked it!

So this is my "coming-out-but-have-nothing-to-come-out-about" post. I hope you're prepared for my secrets.

The story here is that once upon a time I went through that phase. The phase where you really just want to glomp the faces of all your friends. The phase where you think the ladies are so gorgeous, you just want to touch them; everywhere.

I went through that phase well until the moment that I had my first dick. For a while after that time I still identified as bisexual. I've been through the gambit with it too. I had a couple girlfriends, a couple girl crushes, and I actually came out to the roommate that I had in college. I have been called a carpet-muncher. I have attended HRC events. I was and am always pretty proud of who I am.

But sexuality can be fluid. My attractions change and so do my desires. Sexuality is exactly what we make it to be. Now, I see things as more flowing and intense than in black and white. Well, maybe I just like to say fuck labels. If you asked me the black and white question today, I would identify as straight. But that doesn't mean I wouldn't (or don't want) to make love to a beautiful woman. I would.

My first experience with a girl was in middle school. I will always remember her. The way her breasts felt in my hands. Sometimes the details get a little blurry with age but I will never forget her face or how hopelessly addicted to her I was.

But that would be replaced a few years later in high school by a couple girls. They were both my best friends. The first was so small and beautifully gentle. Her skin was delicious and soft and she came unknowingly close to giving me my first orgasm. But she has her own post someday. The next was a tan beauty who would grow not only to be the first girl to feel the inside of my body but would be the closest I have ever been to a threesome. There have been a smattering of beautiful girls around those ladies as well. I can't count them on one hand anymore at the very least.

My life as a sexual story consists of fucking beautiful people. 

Everyone should feel so comfortable in their sexuality and attraction. Bodies and whore-moans work in interesting ways and it usually just pays to listen to them.

And for the record, Cristina Scabbia is the absolute most perfect woman that I have ever had the pleasure of laying eyes on. Oh! The things I would do to her body would be scrumptious and delicious for the both of us.

As a side note, I don't believe in the idea that you chose a sexuality or that it makes sense for women to fuck women because only we know what we like. I believe you accept your partner and you fuck them until they can't walk straight. That is all.

Image Credit: Etsy artist DrawMeASong
Image Credit: RockerWikia - Cristina Scabbia

Thursday, March 20, 2014

Guest Post: I Put the B in Benefits

Boobs McGee here again, talking about one of my favorite topics: Friends With Benefits (FWB), Fuck Buddies, or any other number of euphemisms. Whatever you call it, it’s an awesome relationship that everyone should have at least once in their life.

Here are 5 Benefits of having a FWB

1) Low stress
Your FWB isn’t a boyfriend or a girlfriend. You don’t have to dress up for him or her. You don’t have to take him or her out to dinner or a movie. You don’t have to do anything with your FWB that you don’t want to.

2) Commitment-free

Want variety? Have two or three FWBs. Have too much on your plate? Skip your weekly tryst. You can give your FWB as much or as little time as you want. Feeling horny? Give ‘em a call. Having a bad day? Call ‘em up for some stress relief. Ready for something new? Try out a new FWB.

3) Spontaneity

With a FWB, you don’t have to schedule ANYthing ahead of time. How much or how little time you spend with your FWB only depends on your schedules. Afternoon delight, anyone?

4) Independence

When I first started dating, cuddling was one of those things I daydreamed about. It was a romantic ideal, and supposedly one of the best things about a relationship. After a few long-term relationships, I’ve come to the conclusion that cuddling isn’t for me. No, I love having a big old bed to myself; no one snoring next to me, no one waking me up in the morning, no one draping themselves over me, pulling off the covers or making me too warm, no one keeping me from sleeping smack dab in the middle if I want. Now that’s luxury!

Another upside to having a FWB is that you can plan to do whatever you want without having to ask “permission” or consider someone else’s schedule before committing. If you’re the kind of person who’s busy, a FWB is the perfect partner.

5) Dual Purpose

A FWB is not just someone that you want to spend naked time with, but someone you like to talk to at other times, too. A FWB is quite often a friend first before seeing you naked. I believe that the best FWBs are heavy on the F, in all the best ways!

Image Credit: Friends With Benefits | Screen Gems, Castlerock Entertainment, et al.

Tuesday, March 18, 2014

Reader Response: How Many?

I figured this question was looming somewhere in the minds of readers and it finally surfaced a few days ago and I have what I think is a pretty powerful response.

Today's question was from reader who wishes to remain anonymous:

How many sexual partners have you had?

There are a lot of things that I will answer and that I will put out there for everyone but answering the question about how many partners I have had isn't one of them.

I think that most people let their judgement sides out when people start talking about sex because apparently since I am comfortable with my sexuality and talking about it, I must be a whore.

But really that has nothing to do with anything. Its part of the reason I will not be answering this questions. 1...2...skip a few...99...100. None of that matters.

My goal is to share sex in a safe setting and open people up to their own sexuality. It has been a lot of hard work to be confident and it has required a lot of fuckups and through that experience I want to help other people find this strength. My number doesn't give quality to my experience and it doesn't give anyone anything to "strive" for and therefore it is irrelevant.

Besides, it isn't even something to be sassy about so why fucking bother?

Monday, March 17, 2014

And so I Wrote a Letter...

I wrote a letter and it cost me my dignity and my self respect. The letter went a little something like this:

I'm going to be frank and dominant here and say maybe we should just fuck. We can take away the pressure of being friends and trying to hang out. Let's face it, we have rock star sex together and maybe that is all it needs to be. If you don't respond, I will go and I won't bother you again. But I thought I would try.

This is so wrong. This is so pathetic. But it happened. Let me tell you why it happened, why it shouldn't have happened, and how to get your self-respect back.

Why It Happened
I know that I am not in alone in being upset when a girl loses access to good sex. I've already less-than-humble-bragged about how amazing that I thought sex was with [The Guy] so I won't go into it too much. I will just recap that he was close to being pretty damn nearly perfect. Orgasms from just being inside me and the such. With that said, when I realized things were taking a sour turn, I tried (desperately) to hold on to that sex.

I didn't want anything from him but what my body could feel from his. I thought that if the knew that I was okay just fucking, he would get over whatever weird thing was happening and I could keep getting laid. And so the letter happened.

But it shouldn't have.

Did you miss the DESPERATE part? Jeez. Instead of wondering where I was going to get my next dick fix, I should have been telling myself to get a fucking grip. There was no way that this letter could have had a positive result. I mean it was literally impossible for that to end well. And it didn't. Going into it he had been ignoring me, did I think that this was going to work miracles? No, it really just served to stress me out, make me revise what I was trying to say, and then feel bad when nothing ever came of it.

But it isn't the end of the world.

You can build your self-respect back up (read: I can). 
But we have to be willing to LET THIS GO. The only thing that I can boast about being is that I am human. I am beautiful and I am perfect in my flaws. We all are. We are all flawed and we are not infallible and shit like this is going to happen.

In our lives and in our sexual journeys, we are going to find people that come and go and we have to embrace that. Even monogamous relationships will come and go for some. But you can't let the relationship with other people define you.

I tracked the fuck-up with [The Guy] to the moment he saw me in the bar when I was alone. I guess he didn't want me mingling with his life. Cue the ignoring. That was weird. He knew I wanted to try bars and try new things. All I wanted to do was listen to good music and dance. But that didn't work for him and he wouldn't let me explain.

So a couple weeks later, I made plans to go to a party. I later realized he would have plans to go to this party and so I decided to make sure I looked really nice and sexy. Gussied up real nice in my short dress and my kick-ass boots and ready to dance the night away. And when we saw each other, I could have yo-yo'd into a self absorbed cloud of doubt but instead, I danced better, had more beer, and held control over the situation. Because that is what I deserved

Don't shy away from facing him and letting you know he fucking passed up the rare opportunity to sleep with you. Because that is a chance no one should be wasting.

Tuesday, March 11, 2014

The Condom Etiquette

Sharing the Responsibility & Having the Discussion

The condom talk is something that you need to be having. Your health and the health of your partner should mean something to the both of you.

Image Credit: ABC News

If I tell you that condoms are an important part of being responsible, you're going to already know that. But that doesn't mean that dealing with talking about it is any easier. But it is time to work on that. There is certainly a first time for everything. It is also time to realize that the girls are going to have to share in the responsibility here.If you're going to insist that your partner wear them (and you should), you should contribute to the effort and buy them. Invest in your healthy sex life.

This revelation comes on the wings of my latest turns in the sheets. Let's call him [Max]. I've not written about [Max] yet but I should have. For the record, I decided to call him [Max] because you know...he fills me to the max. But anyways!

[Max] came over on a whim with no condoms and it fell to me to supply them, Thankfully, I had some on reserve. Personally, I prefer Trojan Ultra Thins but let's just face it, some men are magnums. Before I digress too much, the point is that we blew through the reserves and I really wondered what to do about. When of course, it clicked that I'm an equal part in this extracurricular activity, I should help fund it.

Have you ever seen Pretty Woman? It is time we pull a Julia Roberts and carry our own! This essentially means that he will never have an excuse. But carrying them is only part of the have to tell him to wear it. Here are some things to realize about having the condom talk...

1) Just accept that it is going to be awkward.
There is going to be the moment when you have to talk about it. There is going to be the moment when the groping stops so he can put a slimy balloon on his penis. It is going to be awkward. Get over it.

2) Be prepared for an excuse.
Not all men are sleazy. They won't all give you a hard time about it. There are some good ones who even have their own and won't make a move without it. But either way, be prepared to have to stand your ground.

3) Just say it.
Make it sexy or make it demanding, it doesn't matter. Just make it known that he isn't getting into your fiery love hole without it.

Sometimes I wonder what I was even talking about, then I remember: Girls, suck it up and buy the condoms, too!

Thursday, March 6, 2014

Reader Response: Sexytime Places

You guys are really interested in the places I have had sex it seems. I wish I could say that I had more interesting answers but I will just keep being honest instead!

Today's question is from an anonymous reader:

What is the wildest non-bed place for sex?

See, I told you you guys were all interested in where I am getting the nanky on. I was literally just asked this in a game of Truth Jenga two days ago as well. Let's see. I can answer this in two separate responses.

Place I have had sex...
Well, I tried to have sex in a church parking lot once but it was a no go. I have had sex on the hood of a car as I talked about Exhibitionism. But, I'm going to say the first time that I had sex in a car it was off of a really humid country road and I was so tall that we had to have the doors open and we were being eaten by mosquitoes. It was so bad that he even killed a mosquito on the windshield that was there when we sold the car 3 years later. Don't ask.

Place I would like to have sex...
Well, there is random hot hook-up sex that could be in a bar bathroom. But I already talked about that too. (Apparently, I like to talk about having sex in places as much you guys are wanting to know!) I think that it would also be super hot to have sex in a public elevator that is being recorded on a security camera. So wildly inappropriate but totally would be amazing.

Keep submitting those questions guys! Ask about anything anonymously or claimed. Sex toys, fetishes, virginity, it is all game!

Saturday, March 1, 2014

The Things I Fucked Up

I'm 27 and I've never really been too much into the dating scene. I had a really long relationship through college, lost my virginity to him, moved in with him, etc. He and I met on Myspace as locals and it just sort of happened. It wasn't like I got picked up after class or hit on a sporting event it just happened online. It happened pretty quickly in fact.

6 years later we split up and I'm facing the world of first dates. I mean I am sure I will write about those too but for now, let's talk about let me rant about the things I did to fuck up the casual dating scene. Particularly my crash and burn with [The Guy]. What? You thought my awesome twat was enough to sustain that rock star sex? Yeah, me too.

Using the book, Why Men Love Bitches, as a starting point, I have made my own list of What-The-Fuck-Were-You-Thinking-Leila moves (aka Life Lessons) that could save your love (read: sex) life later! For the record, these are in no particular order.

Tried too hard to pursue him
It wasn't like the world revolved around him. I didn't even want to be his girlfriend. I did want to be his friend for the record. But I can say that I probably spammed a little too much in the texts, and I was a little too available for someone who couldn't make much time for me. It added a lot of pressure to a situation that needed to be lax. Life lesson: Remember to just "be". It is to fucking cliche to say go with the flow but really, just let this shit happen.

Gave away the goods
Come on, we all know I slept with him on the first date. Over 1000 people have read What I Learned From Sex on the First Date, so it is no secret. And I will never regret that. Regretting good sex is something you just don't do. But...I put out a lot of stuff the first few rounds we knocked back. Stuff usually saved for way later like period sex or anal sex. Exploration and trying new things. I was even on top! It was wonderful and intense but ultimately left nothing in the bag for surprises. Life lesson: Don't tilt your hand before the end of the game.

Moved into his territory
So he inspired me to try new fucking things...big deal. I went to a myself. I just happen to roll up into a place where he was already chilling. Now, I bet you're wondering what the big deal is. You see, going to the bar solo is a big deal for me...I may have been a little anxious and stressed while fighting my biggest fear and source of anxiety...ever. So I may have been a little spastic. Maybe. Doesn't mean I am psycho-stalker-bitch. Life lesson: Keep your fucking cool.

Totally Transparent
I made it apparent that I thought he was hott, I was interested, and that he was on my mind quite often. It would be different to think those things but I may have consistently reminded him. I just wanted him to know, I certainly want people to tell me those things. But I couldn't see the line and I am sure I crossed it. My bad. Life lesson: Stay mysterious.

Drunk texts are always bad
It shouldn't have mattered that he insisted on seeing me tipsy texting, my brain just lets it go and I always said things that left me feeling like an apology was needed. This probably isn't the worse thing that someone could do but I ended up rambling about a married, expectant father who was hitting on me in texts and making me uncomfortable. Seriously, not cute and not something I would have talked about with him sober. Life lesson: When you're drunk or too bored, have your best friend hide your phone. Just don't forget to turn the ringer off because then you're like a bloodhound the minute it goes off. Not worth it...believe me.

Each person is inherently different. It is where we get the saying "different strokes for different folks" and that is just how the human experience is supposed to be. However, there can be general things to keep in mind and I think that is the thing to take away from this. If you're a dude, I strongly encourage you to just man up and tell her what is going on in your head. I know it is hard and you're weird and you're awkward but damn, don't be a dick. Girls, we're still human and we're going to screw up. Be prepared to either apologize or slap your sexy boots back and on keep walking. We are always have a lot of questions and what-ifs in life; sex and dating will be one but that isn't the end of everything.