Tuesday, March 18, 2014

Reader Response: How Many?

I figured this question was looming somewhere in the minds of readers and it finally surfaced a few days ago and I have what I think is a pretty powerful response.

Today's question was from reader who wishes to remain anonymous:

How many sexual partners have you had?

There are a lot of things that I will answer and that I will put out there for everyone but answering the question about how many partners I have had isn't one of them.

I think that most people let their judgement sides out when people start talking about sex because apparently since I am comfortable with my sexuality and talking about it, I must be a whore.

But really that has nothing to do with anything. Its part of the reason I will not be answering this questions. 1...2...skip a few...99...100. None of that matters.

My goal is to share sex in a safe setting and open people up to their own sexuality. It has been a lot of hard work to be confident and it has required a lot of fuckups and through that experience I want to help other people find this strength. My number doesn't give quality to my experience and it doesn't give anyone anything to "strive" for and therefore it is irrelevant.

Besides, it isn't even something to be sassy about so why fucking bother?


  1. Okay,Here goes!!!! I have an issue with not getting enuf!!! My husband works crazy hours and is on a weird schedule plus ya throw kids in the mix and...well....I never get any!!!! I'm a young 27 years old and I'm not ready to give up my sex life!!! How do I make this work out? I could have sex 15 times a day with no problems but not even getting it 2 times a month is not cutting it!!!!! What can I do? Do I just Hop on and go or what? I need some help here!!!

  2. Oh, Wanting More, I'm so sorry.

    As a 27 year old, I get it. I want to pretty much fuck everything that walks by and I know that I'm just now beginning to hit my sexual peak. It is a thing that happens differently for girls than boys. Blooming into our sexuality is beautiful and empowering.

    I was in a relationship where I pretty much tried the hop on and go technique when he wouldn't work with me and it only served to DESTROY my self confidence. I mean I felt like the scum of the earth and pretty ugly. It isn't a good place to be. So I wouldn't recommend that but it sounds like you've hit a place where you
    need to rekindle that spark.

    Open lines of communication but do it in a sexy way. 1st - do something for yourself that makes you feel unbelievably sexy. Then set up a sitter for the kiddos on his day off. You don't have to make it a super amazing date night but make it special. Give him a massage, tell him you miss how his body feels. Tell him you miss how he feels inside of you. Maybe try something new? A new
    fetish you found. Tell him about it.

    But...the important part...make sure he knows you want HIM not just SEX.

    And try morning sex.

    And afternoon quickies. Doing things out of routine is hot, simple, and a nice break to the day!

    I'm not sure I would suggest it without much more detail about your
    relationship and your history with him but I know that open
    relationships are a pretty popular thing these days among married

  3. Thank You so much!!!!!!! its just so hard to make time anymore as my husband says!!! Our kids are the ages of 7 and 4 and to be honest their at the nosey stage in life!!!! We have such a messed up schedule, My husband works 2 days dayshift and 2 days night shift and its thrown us for a loop all the way around!!!! We have been together since I was a senior in high school and he is the love of my life, he makes me feel so special but I miss the sex!!!!! A relationship isnt only about sex, I get that but geez only 2-3 times a month isnt cutting it!!!!! I love sex, who doesnt but I need it!!! Our daughter is also on the night shift schedule so there goes the sex!!!! We dont want our kids to hear or see anything and we dont get a sitter very often!!!! Here it is!!!!! I need some ideas on how to spice it up so he will want me again like he did when we first got together!!!!! Give me some ideas to turn him on again because when we do have sex its always the same!!!!! Im ready for it and I need help getting it....LoL!!!!

  4. I agree with much of this, but disagree about a few things. Unless you know for sure a guy is into kinks, fetishes are a potentially huge turn off in general, but they are nitroglycerin here. Pull out something foreign when things are bad and he is likely to feel more estranged and even threatened.

    Also, unless you have talked about swinging, threesomes, open relationships before, unless you know for a fact he would say yes, bringing it up NOW will be a disaster. Guaranteed. He is just going to think you want a license to cheat, and on top of that he will probably think you already are. Doesn't matter if it's right or fair, that is the truth.

    I am a man in the same boat as Wanting More. My wife has lost her libido and treats me like I am imposing when I make any kind of advance, but worse, she deflects most touches and kisses too. I miss sex, but what I miss more than that is affection. The small sweet things go away, then the sex, then the love, and it is way, way more important to married men than any woman seems to understand.

    The real reason this happens? Blame your kids. You may feel like the same person, but you aren't, and he sees you differently now. Find out how.

    Take it from me, kids change everything. I felt like I lost my wife and got these kids' mommy in exchange. I waited for her to come back and she never did. The key after kids? I can't speak for every man, but I would lay money that he misses how it was before the kids more than anything. Act like you remember, too.