Guest Post: You Can Have Your Cake & Eat It Too!

When I left for college, I was about to celebrate my 2 year anniversary with my fiance, who had just turned 21. I moved to a different state to pursue my education. He didn't come. He didn't even go get a driver's license so he could come visit me. But he wanted me to come see him as much as possible and wait in my room for him to call me after classes. 

During my second week of classes, a classmate handed me a flyer for a club meeting. I was interested and excited and that afternoon I told Fiance about the club and how I was going to go. He got really upset and accused me of cheating on him because I wanted to make friends. 

Over the next few weeks, our phone calls started to always end with him upset at me, me upset for him being upset. I started drinking occasionally, causing more fights because he was straight edge. I went home for a weekend and got a tattoo at an appointment I'd made months before. We spent the rest of the weekend arguing. I went back to school, trying to push it all out of my mind.

Within a couple of weeks, I ended up "hooking up" with another guy. I went back home to break up with Fiance in person after several more painful phone calls. He threatened to kill himself. I left anyways. I knew by that point that he'd been manipulating me for a while. I also figured out why he was constantly do jealous of my attentions. He had figured out something about me that no one else had, not even me: I wasn't straight. I love women. And I love men. But really, most of all, I love brains. I adore compassion. I crave wit. And I'm an extremely passionate person. 

Over the next few months, I spent time exploring who I was, who I wanted to be. I knew that I never wanted to feel controlled or trapped in a relationship again. For a while, I thought that meant not being in a relationship at all. I had a FWB and other people to pass the time with, but my FWB made it very clear that he would not be in a relationship with me, even though we cared for each other deeply.

After several months of discovering myself (and my first orgasms!) a friend that I'd met earlier in the school year started spending more time with me. We exchanged comic books and discovered we shared the same favorite author. I began to see him in a different light. We started hanging out at least once a week. I remember the first time we had "the talk". We were standing outside his apartment, smoking cigarettes on the balcony. He had just told me he'd never had an actual girlfriend before, and so I told him about Fiance. I leaned on the railing between sentences, took a drag, and evenly said "I could never be in a relationship with someone who told me I couldn't be with other people. I think monogamy is unnatural and wrong. It's definitely wrong for me." My heart pounding, terrified that I'd just lost this chance at a relationship, let alone our friendship. He sighed in a relieved way. "Me too. The human animal is not inherently monogamous." 

A few weeks later, we had our first date. He made me cum three times that first night.

Image Credit: Relevant Magazine & Stephan Speaks

Reader Response: Cuckolding

You guys never seem cease to amaze me with how awesome you really are. When I put out a question to Twitter for your ideas and what you want to see discussed in Fetish Confessions, you came. I received an excellent question and an even more flattering compliment.

Today's question comes from a Twitter lovely:

What do you think of cuckolding? From the man and woman’s perspective in a relationship?

So I have to be honest and say that you and I, my beautiful reader, learn things from each other every day. Cuckolding is not what I thought it was. And so I have thought about this and slept on it and did my due diligence in research as well. And let me tell you, that you can sign me up for this.

But with tenuous conditions.

First, for those who don't know, cuckolding is when you bring another man into a married relationship for the purpose of stirring jealousy for arousal. This is a mental/psychological fetish where the man (the cuckold) is aroused and turned on by the thought of his wife being thrilled by not only another man, but in general a more endowed man, a younger man, a man that is everything he isn't. It is usually followed up with sharing the details, the clean up, or actually observing the transgressions.

Now as someone who isn't necessarily bent on an exclusive relationship right now, this could be something that I could really get into and really share with the right partner. However, as I mentioned there are conditions.

It seems that cuckolds and hotwives chose this as a lifestyle. I don't want to be forced into seducing other men and when I set out to have sex with my significant other, I don't want to talk about other people. I just want to fuck who I am with at that moment in time. I understand the desire and the lust behind sharing the details but as in all fetishes, it is a give and take. Give me my moment, I will give you yours.

The main thing that keeps lingering in my mind is that cuckolding is not an excuse to cheat. There is a hotwife and then there is a cheater. These are very different and it ultimately comes down to the one thing that people fail most at: communication. Sorry bitches, it's true. We all just suck at talking to each other sometimes.

As a side note, I'm not generally one for mental manipulation, humiliation, etc. forms of torture but this doesn't necessarily always have to fit that mold. I'm also inclined to just say give me a threesome!

Image Credit: Askmen.com

Guest Post: Friendzoned? Why Not FWB-Zoned?

Sometimes FWB relationships can be tricky. It can be a thin line between FWB and something awkward. Here are some tips for making the best out of your FWB relationship:

1) Be safe

I can’t say this enough. BE SAFE. This covers physical safety, emotional safety, and sexual safety. Use a condom. Ask if your FWB has been tested. If you are meeting someone for the first time, say from a dating site or possibly Craigslist, meet in public. Don’t just meet in public, let someone know where you are going. Make sure they know when you are supposed to be back as well. You don’t have to tell them that you’re going to meet a hookup, just that you’re meeting a friend. If you feel it’s necessary, have them call you at a pre-arranged time. I am not saying that you should be scared or that it isn’t safe. It’s just better to take precautions. Don’t hook up with someone who makes you uncomfortable, who demeans you, or in any way is anything less than a friend. And by friend, I don’t mean frenemies.

2) Clearly define parameters and boundaries

Communication is key. Think of it like a safe word. What are you and aren’t you willing to do? Speak up if you feel like your FWB is getting more emotionally entangled than you’re comfortable with. If you don’t feel comfortable having that person over to your place, let them know. If all these things are upfront, it’s so much easier to know where you stand with your FWB. You know what you can and can’t do.

3) Do NOT get emotional

Fastest way to ruin a FWB relationship is to decide that you want your FWB to be your girlfriend/boyfriend. I think that girls are more prone to that than guys, but it happens both ways. If you think you are starting to fall for the other person, back off. Take some time apart. See some other people. Evaluate how much time you’re spending with your FWB. I’ve not had it happen, but I’m sure that it is possible for a FWB to turn into a dating relationship.

4) Friendship first

I can say that I’ve successfully had a few FWB relationships. The number one predictor of good FWB relationships for me has been friendship. If you find someone you are comfortable talking to, you’re going to be comfortable telling them what you like in bed. The more you can talk about that, the better the sex is going to be.

5) No drama

No jealousy. No freaking out if he/she doesn’t immediately text or call back. Remember that this is a relationship without commitment. Don’t be clingy, and don’t expect something that the other person might or might not be willing to give. Don’t show up at the other person’s house. Don’t stalk them, don’t friend them on Facebook. Don’t put yourself in a situation where things become uncomfortable for one or both people. The ideal in the situation is to still be friends in the end, after all the bedding has been done.

6) Have fun

Why do it if you aren’t having fun? Sex is fun. Good sex is better.

7) What happens in bed stays in bed

Don’t tell everyone about your FWB. It doesn’t have to be a big secret, but it’s classier to keep it to a minimum if you’re going to tell anyone. Don’t claim that you’re in a relationship or that it’s complicated on Facebook. Sadly, women who have multiple sex partners can end up being labeled sluts. While there’s a double standard, men can be sluts, too.

8) Be selfish
Part of the point of a FWB relationship is to get sexually satisfied. If your FWB isn’t satisfying you, he or she isn’t meeting your needs. You can either tell them what they need to change to make it happen, or you can say that it’s not working out and part ways.

9) End it with grace

Like many relationships, friendships and love alike, it may be time for your FWB relationship to come to an end. Maybe you’ve met someone you’d like to date. Maybe there aren’t sparks any more. Possibly your schedule becomes busy enough to rule out time for hookups. I can’t emphasize this enough: Be mature about it. Let your FWB know as soon as it happens. Don’t do it by text or email. Don’t do it over the phone. Do it in person. Your FWB deserves that respect.

Likewise, if you’re the one on the receiving end, let it go. There are plenty of people out there looking for a FWB relationship. It’s not worth the drama. Again, the ideal is to end up with someone you’re still friends with in the end.

10) Try something new

If you’ve always wanted to try something new—a position, a fetish, some new lingerie—this is the perfect time to do it. A FWB is for experimenting. A FWB is for perfecting a signature move. With a FWB, anything goes.

Image Credit: WikiHow - Escape the Friendzone

Guest Post: I Put the B in Benefits

Boobs McGee here again, talking about one of my favorite topics: Friends With Benefits (FWB), Fuck Buddies, or any other number of euphemisms. Whatever you call it, it’s an awesome relationship that everyone should have at least once in their life.

Here are 5 Benefits of having a FWB

1) Low stress

Your FWB isn’t a boyfriend or a girlfriend. You don’t have to dress up for him or her. You don’t have to take him or her out to dinner or a movie. You don’t have to do anything with your FWB that you don’t want to.

2) Commitment-free

Want variety? Have two or three FWBs. Have too much on your plate? Skip your weekly tryst. You can give your FWB as much or as little time as you want. Feeling horny? Give ‘em a call. Having a bad day? Call ‘em up for some stress relief. Ready for something new? Try out a new FWB.

3) Spontaneity

With a FWB, you don’t have to schedule ANYthing ahead of time. How much or how little time you spend with your FWB only depends on your schedules. Afternoon delight, anyone?

4) Independence

When I first started dating, cuddling was one of those things I daydreamed about. It was a romantic ideal, and supposedly one of the best things about a relationship. After a few long-term relationships, I’ve come to the conclusion that cuddling isn’t for me. No, I love having a big old bed to myself; no one snoring next to me, no one waking me up in the morning, no one draping themselves over me, pulling off the covers or making me too warm, no one keeping me from sleeping smack dab in the middle if I want. Now that’s luxury!

Another upside to having a FWB is that you can plan to do whatever you want without having to ask “permission” or consider someone else’s schedule before committing. If you’re the kind of person who’s busy, a FWB is the perfect partner.

5) Dual Purpose

A FWB is not just someone that you want to spend naked time with, but someone you like to talk to at other times, too. A FWB is quite often a friend first before seeing you naked. I believe that the best FWBs are heavy on the F, in all the best ways!

Image Credit: Friends With Benefits | Screen Gems, Castlerock Entertainment, et al.