Spellbound

I write about all of the BDSM scenes that stand out. I write about the ones I do in public, the ones that change who I am, and the ones that I try for the first time. So why is it that I wouldn't want to write about this one? Why is it that I wouldn't want to write about the one that everyone wanted to ask about?

Because I don't know how it fucking happened.

I simply know that it was.

Don't give me that cynical look like you've never been swept up in a goddamn moment before. I know better. We all have. We all have moments where we look back and say, "How the hell did I end up here?"

I simply know that I was standing and talking to two of my friends at the party and I can't even remember why or what I said that was an off-handed side comment in his general direction. Just that it got his attention.

And then I simply do not know.

I know I was lucid but it was like Bette Midler had strolled up in the bar and cast a spell on me.

I'm sure it had something and everything to do with the way he talked about mental dominance and how the most sadistic thing he could do is stop.

I just know I was terrified of this man. Don't worry, it isn't like this is some big shocking confession, he knew. I remember the shock of finding myself naked. I don't remember the point when everyone else stopped existing and it was our world. And I don't know how I got there. In fact, later it would be explained to me as if he and I were the only ones that mattered, I was in a trance early on.

Then it happened. People came up again to compliment my scene and to tell me how amazing it was to watch. I had forgotten there were people there witnessing it. Each and every time I enter subspace it feels a little more like home and I love to go deeper and deeper still. I want to reach the point to where my very existence feels subliminal like a part of the cosmos. And in a scene where my mind can be given, I might get there someday.

Shocking Revelations

About a month ago, I told you that I went to a fetish party. Last time, I was considerably late everything was winding down and it was simply very sensual but I was not actively participating. But this time. This time was different.

What was different this time?

I promise it had nothing to do with the beer I had before I got there.

Or the three drinks I had while I was there. Totally not.

What I experienced was a new level of high. Dabbles in voyeurism and exhibitionism; raw sexual energy could be found everywhere.

It wouldn't be long before the feeling that was coursing over my skin and through my veins would be more than adrenaline. I found myself in a dark bar, surrounded by friends who had their eyes on me but my eyes were only on us. A man, a master of the violet wand, who would open up my world. Who would soon be tearing screaming electricity up my skirt, across my body, and down my exposed cleavage.

This was the experience that would change it all.

I could feel the eyes of people around me. They came back to tell me later they saw the moment I lost myself to the spacey feeling of pure pleasure. They watched as I made a quiet plea for him to touch me. And I don't know if anyone will ever know how close I was to cumming. There on that table where I was unable to control a side of me that wants to be free.

A side that was open enough to later strip down, be quite more than half naked in front of a bar full of people. I climbed up on that table, naked in only boots and panties and was taken to a place where I was in pure bliss. Hot, burning wax was being poured onto my flesh and all I could do was think.

I could hear what they were saying. The voices that were so far away. I heard words like "She's so pretty" or "lovely" or "she looks wonderful" floating in on little whispers as I stopped the tears from falling. For in that place, in the place where no one could reach me, in the place where pain pricks and pleases, I realized that I am flawed and I am always going to be that way. I lay there bare and exposed but my heart wept with the social anxiety of 20 years but as their words floated in and around me, carrying me on a cloud, I knew I was naked and I knew I was beautiful.

And I know I will be okay.

This party is not for the faint of heart. There are beatings. There are violent words. There is pain. But there is pleasure. There is a world of understanding and it is waiting to be found. If you think you're interested in this, don't wait. Please, don't hesitate to feel this.

**Image Credit: electroplyr - ArtoftheVioletWand.com

Reader's Response: What Did You Do?

It really is a special thrill when people comment on blog posts outside of the blog. I get messages, and comments, and text messages and even SnapChats about posts. It makes me feel like I have ascended to bad-ass status!

Today's question comes from Twitter:

I read your post about the swinger club and BDSM night. I was curious if you included yourself or just observed.

The short answer is that I just observed...this time.

When I walked in to the bar, I was nervous and had the creepy clammy hands going on while I drained my vaporizer tank. I didn't know what to expect. Coming around the corner, I was greeted with the most erotic seen I have ever laid eyes one.

There was a beautifully naked woman on stage who was being roped and bound. She looked like she was in heaven. I was instantly drunk watching her.

Next to her, a woman was bent over the spanking benches with her skirt up around her waist.

I missed most of the party but I had never experienced anything so sensual and arousing. I didn't want to participate just then. I wanted to drink in the sights. There were flogging racks and I think I would very much like to be rigged to them one day. There were aftercare blankets because the community cares about safety and respect. It was wonderful. I will be back. I can't say I will get to participate very much as the newcomer but I will be back.

Image Credit: Boardwalk Empire

A Place to Call Home

If you can believe it, there are still somethings that frighten me.

My snarky and bullheadedness just leaves and makes way for a girl who is unsure of herself and timid.

I recently found out that there was a swingers club in my town. Of course, in my sexual nature it intrigued me a lot but I wrote it off, thinking that I could never go there. I wouldn't go alone and I surely would find none to go with me.

But then I found the community. I found [Mostly Harmless] and he changed my life.

The "underground" BDSM community that I wanted, that I sought after had been found. It turns out they have lavish parties and meetups and are extremely active yet entirely respectable. I was invited to go to the latest party. I was terrified. I don't like being this girl who doesn't know the ropes and doesn't know what to expect. I don't like being this girl.

So I could have stayed home. I could have been beaten by my own insecurities. But instead, I took my life into my own hands and went to that swingers club for a BDSM lifestyle party. I vaped an entire tank with my vaporizer. I looked like a lost puppy. But it was worth it. I walked into the most erotic scenes of my life. This is a turning point. I feel it.

I had to tell myself again that you can't change your stars without hard work. Exploring your sexuality can be scary and it can be intimidating but I encourage you to do it. Be heteroflexible, be spanked, be tied, be anything you fucking want!