Someone Finally Called Me a Whore

It's no big secret that last year, when I turned 27, I decided to change my life. I wanted to live with no expectations and I succeeded. I came into my own life; I fell in love with my body, found my sexuality, and I had sex with some people. I mean, I literally tripled the amount of people I had slept with last year. I joined into my local BDSM community where I would proceed to get naked, beaten, battered, and degraded in public. I'd soon learn that I would be a cumming little slut all the time, too.

And what do I do with all that experience?

I write about it. I blog and share my experiences with readers from all over the state, country, and world. And then, people ask me questions about their own sexuality and I get to answer them. Because now I am a conduit for information and exploration.

And I love this about me. I love that I am proud of my sexuality. I love that I am identified and known by a name I chose, Sabina. And when I wanted to make that more, add more to it, I took a last name, Harlot. Sabina Harlot... Sabina the Whore. Why does this have to be bad?

Why is the word whore so bad?

It isn't. It is only as bad as the power I give it. And so I'm reclaiming it. In fact, I am bringing back the antiquated word, Harlot. Because why not add a little flare?

I like my name, I like my identity and I decided to implement and brand that with my blog as the actual author. So I made a blogger facebook page. I did this because I'm a dreamer and I want to take this somewhere. I want big things in life.

So why, if I'm proud to be who I am and am a self-claimed Harlot, did it piss me off so bad that someone** called me a whore? "Whore simply doesn't fit the vision I had for Sabina..."

It wasn't that he called me a whore.

It was that he thought he got to choose who I am supposed to be. NO! I get to chose that because it is my life, my sex life, and these are my friends and my partners. He doesn't know them, barely knows me, and he doesn't get to chose who Sabina is.

I get to live this life once and only once. You get to you live your's, too. I'm going to shout it from the rooftops about the sex that I had if I want to. I'm going to erase the idea that women can't embrace their sexuality because damn it, we get notches on our bedposts, too!

**For the record, this wasn't a random stranger. This was someone I know closely and intimately and value with my life. I could give two fucks less what a stranger thinks.

Reader's Response: Female Masturbation

It has been a a while since someone had a question for me to answer. I always love those nuggets of surprise in my email or in comments and messages!

Today's question was emailed in:

Women masturbation: Do most women just use their own fingers or do they prefer a dildo? Is a vibrator better than a dildo... that sort of thing.

First I feel that it is important to clarify... NOT EVERY WOMAN IS THE SAME.

There. I felt the need to yell that out to the world.

Because there are women who can finger themselves or play with their nipples, etc. to get themselves off.

I'm not one of them.

I almost exclusively require a vibrator to masturbate*.

It is a combination of my body not being sensitive to my own touches and the time and effort it can take to masturbate. I masturbate more when I'm trying to go to sleep than I do when I'm horny (do people still say horny?).

But honestly, their isn't a "most women" answer because it can vary wildly across every woman. Even the preference of dildo over vibrator would depend on if they penetrate or clit stimulate.

*Or a detachable shower head!

Guest Post: You Can Have Your Cake & Eat It Too!

When I left for college, I was about to celebrate my 2 year anniversary with my fiance, who had just turned 21. I moved to a different state to pursue my education. He didn't come. He didn't even go get a driver's license so he could come visit me. But he wanted me to come see him as much as possible and wait in my room for him to call me after classes. 

During my second week of classes, a classmate handed me a flyer for a club meeting. I was interested and excited and that afternoon I told Fiance about the club and how I was going to go. He got really upset and accused me of cheating on him because I wanted to make friends. 

Over the next few weeks, our phone calls started to always end with him upset at me, me upset for him being upset. I started drinking occasionally, causing more fights because he was straight edge. I went home for a weekend and got a tattoo at an appointment I'd made months before. We spent the rest of the weekend arguing. I went back to school, trying to push it all out of my mind.

Within a couple of weeks, I ended up "hooking up" with another guy. I went back home to break up with Fiance in person after several more painful phone calls. He threatened to kill himself. I left anyways. I knew by that point that he'd been manipulating me for a while. I also figured out why he was constantly do jealous of my attentions. He had figured out something about me that no one else had, not even me: I wasn't straight. I love women. And I love men. But really, most of all, I love brains. I adore compassion. I crave wit. And I'm an extremely passionate person. 

Over the next few months, I spent time exploring who I was, who I wanted to be. I knew that I never wanted to feel controlled or trapped in a relationship again. For a while, I thought that meant not being in a relationship at all. I had a FWB and other people to pass the time with, but my FWB made it very clear that he would not be in a relationship with me, even though we cared for each other deeply.

After several months of discovering myself (and my first orgasms!) a friend that I'd met earlier in the school year started spending more time with me. We exchanged comic books and discovered we shared the same favorite author. I began to see him in a different light. We started hanging out at least once a week. I remember the first time we had "the talk". We were standing outside his apartment, smoking cigarettes on the balcony. He had just told me he'd never had an actual girlfriend before, and so I told him about Fiance. I leaned on the railing between sentences, took a drag, and evenly said "I could never be in a relationship with someone who told me I couldn't be with other people. I think monogamy is unnatural and wrong. It's definitely wrong for me." My heart pounding, terrified that I'd just lost this chance at a relationship, let alone our friendship. He sighed in a relieved way. "Me too. The human animal is not inherently monogamous." 

A few weeks later, we had our first date. He made me cum three times that first night.

Image Credit: Relevant Magazine & Stephan Speaks

Just Call Me Katy Perry...

Because I kissed a girl and I liked it!

So this is my "coming-out-but-have-nothing-to-come-out-about" post. I hope you're prepared for my secrets.

The story here is that once upon a time I went through that phase. The phase where you really just want to glomp the faces of all your friends. The phase where you think the ladies are so gorgeous, you just want to touch them; everywhere.

I went through that phase well until the moment that I had my first dick. For a while after that time I still identified as bisexual. I've been through the gambit with it too. I had a couple girlfriends, a couple girl crushes, and I actually came out to the roommate that I had in college. I have been called a carpet-muncher. I have attended HRC events. I was and am always pretty proud of who I am.

But sexuality can be fluid. My attractions change and so do my desires. Sexuality is exactly what we make it to be. Now, I see things as more flowing and intense than in black and white. Well, maybe I just like to say fuck labels. If you asked me the black and white question today, I would identify as straight. But that doesn't mean I wouldn't (or don't want) to make love to a beautiful woman. I would.

My first experience with a girl was in middle school. I will always remember her. The way her breasts felt in my hands. Sometimes the details get a little blurry with age but I will never forget her face or how hopelessly addicted to her I was.

But that would be replaced a few years later in high school by a couple girls. They were both my best friends. The first was so small and beautifully gentle. Her skin was delicious and soft and she came unknowingly close to giving me my first orgasm. But she has her own post someday. The next was a tan beauty who would grow not only to be the first girl to feel the inside of my body but would be the closest I have ever been to a threesome. There have been a smattering of beautiful girls around those ladies as well. I can't count them on one hand anymore at the very least.

My life as a sexual story consists of fucking beautiful people. 

Everyone should feel so comfortable in their sexuality and attraction. Bodies and whore-moans work in interesting ways and it usually just pays to listen to them.

And for the record, Cristina Scabbia is the absolute most perfect woman that I have ever had the pleasure of laying eyes on. Oh! The things I would do to her body would be scrumptious and delicious for the both of us.

As a side note, I don't believe in the idea that you chose a sexuality or that it makes sense for women to fuck women because only we know what we like. I believe you accept your partner and you fuck them until they can't walk straight. That is all.

Image Credit: Etsy artist DrawMeASong

Image Credit: RockerWikia - Cristina Scabbia

The White Elephant in the Room: I Masturbate

Being my normal bookworm self, I was reading a book Hooking Up (there are plenty, I don't recommend this one) and it was talking about how humiliated the author was about saying she masturbated and I realized holy shit, this is a real problem. I used to be the same exact same way.

What happened? What changed? What makes it so easy for me to say:

I masturbate!

Generally speaking, its kind of expected for guys to masturbate but girls its an interesting thing. For one, there are SO MANY toys that we have to choose from. Bullets, rabbits, and silicone; and it can all be very overwhelming. Not to mention men totally spank the nanky to videos of girls masturbating. But yet it still is a little shocking when girls admit to twiddling themselves. 

Get over it, dudes. 

Girls, grow some ovaries and admit to it!

It doesn't matter what your reason or what your style (toys are a must for me, before you ask), just accept that masturbation is part of a healthy sex life/drive. I will use this time to say that I often masturbate to make myself get tired enough to go to sleep. Very rarely Never does masturbating help calm my sexytime nerves but I will certainly put it to the test if I can't get up with a partner. Those are really my only two reasons unless you count the occasional sexting session or phone sex. At which point, yes, I really am touching myself. 

Should I share my self-discovery story? Should I tell you that there was a boy I was totally crushing on in high school that kept encouraging me and "tutoring" me? It is totally true. He and I would play a game of "Truth" over ICQ and it was just an excuse to get turned on. It took me a long time to really even begin to touch myself and would be even longer before I bought my first vibrator which would lead to my first orgasm. But through him, I was encouraged to be intimate with myself. Explore my body. I went through a "what does this feel like inside me" phase. In college, I went through a "I have alone time, I must masturbate" phase. Now, I'm a sexed up woman who can't always call up her partners and literally takes matters into her own hands. 

And that's okay. I won't deny it. I'm old enough, horny enough, and sexy enough to admit this. 

If you've never tried masturbating and have questions about toys, use the box on the sidebar and ask. I would be happy to share the details. If you're nervous to try, do it in a clean environment, try letting your hands roam in the shower. And if you're in a relationship, don't worry masturbating isn't cheating and mutual masturbation is a totally acceptable form of foreplay. 

Now I want you to share your secrets with me. Leave me a comment and share your self discovery story. Share your style. 

The Sass is Strong with This One

Follow my blog with Bloglovin Okay so yesterday I wrote this really sassy article about What I Learned from Sex on the First Date. I mean I just let go all the things and sassed that stuff up. And you know what, people loved that shit. The page views through one post on a never heard of blog put all the other things to shame.

But then I thought about it...

I really fucking enjoyed writing that piece. I wrote what came to mind and I wrote what I felt (in my heart, between my legs, just wherever) and I just let my wild sassy side come out. What a freeing experience. Seriously.

So I wonder if that is what we all need? Sometimes, do we just need a place to be who we are and put ourselves out there and be sassy, and be the wise-ass, and just say whatever we want and I think its about time that is wildly acceptable. So I don't think that this is going to be a rare thing. I think I am going to use and abuse this blog and make it my little Z-snapping bitch fest.

Because I'm a girl. Because I am a woman. Because I am a sexed up female. Because I am a tattooed hot-rod. Because dammit, I'm awesome and its time the world knows.