Binary Sexuality? Screw that!

In the old days, the middle ages, the days gone by, the times before now, people didn't really realize the spectrum that is sexuality. They couldn't understand how the brain worked and you were simply gay or straight.

Maybe a little crooked but that was for those shady folks you had to watch out for.

But as time went on and people thought the sexual psyche was worth looking into, out came the LGB...pun intended. Heaven forbid you like both!

As we become a more sophisticated society even that changes and who the hell cares about acronyms when you just keep adding letters... LGBTQIAAP.

But I'm here to make that even more complicated. Because I've given some serious thought to my own sexuality and I don't like that sexuality has to encompass both my idea of love and attraction. I'm weird. I always have been; so why should this be any different?

I want to seriously complicate this idea of sexuality and binary systems. I want to just be me. Every weird yet wonderful fucking thing about me.

I'm pansexual.

But that word belongs to me. It means something specific to me. It is tempered with my propensity for and lean towards hetero-romanticism. But don't argue that I'm not pan enough for you. Or I'm not straight enough for you. It isn't for you.

It is for me.

The Darkness Intriguing

Disclaimer: This may or may not be graphic in nature.

I expect to take flack from what I'm about to tell you. I expect your reactions to be stereotypical. Don't worry, I'm braced. I'm a big girl with big girl panties. I've already had this conversation with someone who needed it so here I am, telling the rest of the world.

I'm a fetishist. Yeah, I'm a freak. Every inch of me burns with the desire to feel that this is most abhorrent to the majority of the world. My soul finds that level of fucking freedom in the weirdest places. My skin has bruised shades of red that make people cringe. You think you like rough sex? This takes me higher.

And the reach of the freak inside burns deep. Because inside this little head of mine, and inside the heads of a lot of women, lays this darkness. This darkness that is too taboo, it is so bad that I told you I wouldn't even talk about it. But that's changed.

But at the depths my fantasies, do you know what lays there? Nonconsent. Rape.

Don't you dare judge me.

In the prettiest places in our psyches, it is the thing that scares us that elicits the beauty that is arousal. In the way you don't realize your body wants it, that is where this lays. And a lot of women, fetishist or not, experience this same pull to the bad.

This intrigue inside my head gets swept up and churned with the craved feeling of hands at my throat, smacks across my face, and level of rough intensity.

Do you know why I am telling you this? If you're a woman and you feel this way, if your girlfriend feels this way, you're not alone. That darkness doesn't have to swallow or make you ashamed of it. Because at the core, nonconsent is bad. But that doesn't mean you have to had from the fact that the bad things in the world make your skin electric instead of crawl in the darkness of your own bedroom.

This isn't a call for consent violations. Keep your dick in your pants, boys.

This is a notice that there are safe ways to explore even the parts of your mind you don't want to admit are there. And the consensual nonconsent can take you places you didn't know existed.

Consent. It isn't a blurred line. It is there or it isn't.

Nonconsent.

Arousing.



Image notes: This is an image in relationship to Erotic Asphyxiation. No rape or consent violation was explored or intended in the photo.

The Art & My Lack Thereof of Self-Seduction

It is no big secret that I currently sell sex toys for a living. I like the opportunity that it affords me to find things that might help people get their rocks off. The one thing that I have come to realize is that people want to know what you like; what gets you off. Maybe they think they're doing it wrong. Maybe they only want to talk to someone who fucking gets it.

But you know my secret? I suck at masturbating.

I've been asked to masturbate on camera, send pictures, etc. but I always say no. Because watching grass grow is going to be more exciting than watching me masturbate. I can promise you that.

I don't like to seduce myself. My body doesn't react to my touch the way it will to someone else. I can't touch my ears and make my whole body tingle. I can't light my nipples on fire with my tongue. I've never once been able to convince myself to get off with my fingers. What I like...and what I need...is for my masturbation sessions to be over quickly. 20 seconds is fine for me.

I can still recommend you the best realistic dildo there is, but stop asking which one I would use. If I am going to use a realistic dildo, it is going to be a real fucking penis attached to a living breathing person. Otherwise, sorry boys but penises aren't that pretty.

I can still tell you which rabbit is going to be the best, do the most, and have the best quality but I don't like them and I won't use them. As a sidenote, the beaded ones freak me out.

But if you want a good clit toy, oh girl, I've got you. My clit toys are all valued somewhere over $300 if you totaled them all up. And they're all different. Because when I am by myself, and it is just me, that is really all that matters. I like to lay there with the vibrations literally in hand, watch porn or read a story, get off, and sleep. That is what I want.

I'm not sorry that isn't sexy enough for you.

Dear Sabina: So You Want to Domme?

I decided to make a change and incorporate myself into the blog in a way that utilizes my sex-scene-name. We all have our vices and our stories, Sabina is mine, and come on, I had a thing for Dear Abby when I was 10.

I read your post about being a dominatrix for the first time and it sounds so wonderful. I've wanted to do this for my husband for a long time but I'm nervous. How can I get started?

Okay, so the first thing that you have to know is that I am by no stretch of the imagination an expert on the matter. I'm not even what I would call experienced. I'm just a sadomasochist who put a lot of effort into studying how to be safe with [Aristotle] and how to really get going. I spent some time talking to someone who has been a Domme for several years and she has collared submissives.

That said, this has to really be a part of who you are. You don't have to have a Type A personality out of the gate and this may not all come naturally to you at first but you have to want it. If you are going to feel awkward and out of place, it will only hurt your morale. So start by getting into the right mindset that you are a beautiful woman, you're forceful, and the very nature of the world should bend to your will. 

Find rhythm and strength in what makes you feel comfortable. Are you going to want to be in charge, cause him/her pain, make them pleasure you? What do you want out of it? Yes, I want all of those things and that is okay, too.

If you want to make the serious jump into it, start with education and knowing the safe ways to tie or hit someone. Yes, there are rules and there are safety things it isn't all just hot kink, though it is that, too. Don't use self-cinching ties when you're getting started, they can be dangerous. Don't hit someone in the spine. It all seems like common sense but mistakes can happen.

I also recommend reading BDSM 101 which is written with a snarky attitude from the point of view from a professional submissive. It is a wonderful read and a wonderful way to get started. And join websites that provide forums for education and ideas.

And also, clothes. The right look will be a nice bolster to your confidence.

Spellbound

I write about all of the BDSM scenes that stand out. I write about the ones I do in public, the ones that change who I am, and the ones that I try for the first time. So why is it that I wouldn't want to write about this one? Why is it that I wouldn't want to write about the one that everyone wanted to ask about?

Because I don't know how it fucking happened.

I simply know that it was.

Don't give me that cynical look like you've never been swept up in a goddamn moment before. I know better. We all have. We all have moments where we look back and say, "How the hell did I end up here?"

I simply know that I was standing and talking to two of my friends at the party and I can't even remember why or what I said that was an off-handed side comment in his general direction. Just that it got his attention.

And then I simply do not know.

I know I was lucid but it was like Bette Midler had strolled up in the bar and cast a spell on me.

I'm sure it had something and everything to do with the way he talked about mental dominance and how the most sadistic thing he could do is stop.

I just know I was terrified of this man. Don't worry, it isn't like this is some big shocking confession, he knew. I remember the shock of finding myself naked. I don't remember the point when everyone else stopped existing and it was our world. And I don't know how I got there. In fact, later it would be explained to me as if he and I were the only ones that mattered, I was in a trance early on.

Then it happened. People came up again to compliment my scene and to tell me how amazing it was to watch. I had forgotten there were people there witnessing it. Each and every time I enter subspace it feels a little more like home and I love to go deeper and deeper still. I want to reach the point to where my very existence feels subliminal like a part of the cosmos. And in a scene where my mind can be given, I might get there someday.

That's Miss Sabina, to you!

Ever had one of those experiences that changes your life? Gives you confidence, strength, and ultimate power? I have and [Aristotle] gave that to me. He handed it to me on a goddamn silver platter the moment he said he wanted to submit to me.

For years, I have known that I have a dominant side in me. I've dabbled in topping and in masturbation control. It is a thrill that I feel deep inside when a man begs for my permission, generosity or mercy.

But this is what I've wanted; what I've craved.

I wanted to cause the sound of the whip. I wanted to control, demand, punish, and reward.

I haven't found a lot of men confident in their own sexuality to lose control to a woman. I've seen fear in their eyes or heard it in their voice. But then when you plant a "Get the Fuck Over Here Kiss" (trademarks pending), it makes them question their resolve. But [Aristotle], he is different.

He knew that by agreeing to meet me, he would be mine. My pleasure would come from control and his pleasure would belong to me. He showed up in a black shirt just like I told him to and everything stirred in my veins. Blood pumping hot and strong, power driving my moves, my panties getting wet, stimulus overload.

And in public, I made his face the most beautiful shade of red by making sure he knew exactly what was coming his way. I'm not the most handy person when it comes to creating things but I managed to rig a complete door jam to string my little sub to the front door. It worked beautifully and I am fucking proud of it!

I put together a sampler platter of goodies for us to try. Well, really, I wanted to try and test the waters but I needed to know what we would both like. There was a lot of shoving my wet fingers down his throat, whipping, and making sure he knew his place was beneath me and he would kneel if I said kneel. He wasn't even allowed to talk unless I decided to grant his permission.

I've never felt such a high. Never had my own excitement running down my legs.

Until then.

Our scene ended in more fantasy fulfillment when I untied him and granted him permission to pleasure me until we were a glistening heap of sexed bodies on the living room floor.

And in the moments after, I knew the side of me I'd tried to find for years.

Her name My name is Miss Sabina, and I'm fucking hott.

The Rules of the Game

Your sexuality belongs to you. It is yours for the molding, the shaping, and the experiencing. Not a single person will ever experience it like you. So why are you letting them shape it for you?

You will face judgement at every turn in your life and your sex life is one of those. So fucking get over it and live it the way you want to. And if you think it is easier said than done, I'm doing it everyday. So here are my words of wisdom. The rules of the game.

27 is not too old to get fingered outside in the Applebee's parking lot.

You're never too experienced to ask for something brand new.

When that hot guy with the nice dick comes to town, fuck him.

Don't let a messy bedroom stop you from a nice lay.

Don't be afraid to be just a little selfish.

Lick it before you stick it. 

Buy a sex toy. Go on. Treat yourself.

If you want to swipe right on Tinder just for that hookup... SWIPE RIGHT.

And if none of this is for you, that's okay. Be happy.

Reader's Response: Sexuality Concerns

I think that with this question it is important to remind people that I don't judge anyone. I take every question or every concern with the utmost respect and you can always feel free to ask me absolutely anything. I'm your safe zone because everyone fucking needs one sometimes.

My wife would like to try [pegging]. Does this have any hidden meanings about sexuality? Is she trying to tell me something?

I can't decide if you're asking if you should be concerned that she is bisexual or if this will effect your sexuality in anyway. Either way, the answer is absolutely not. Pegging has no bearing on anyone's sexuality. Straight men are still straight. Straight women are still straight.

Two things to note:

Pegging can be very empowering for women. It is a nice power exchange that allows the woman to take control and can be paired with strong fem-dom play or it can just be very sensual role reversal.

I know straight men and women who absolutely love it*. I'm an advocate for it and I would be happy to walk anyone through getting into it and set up with it.

Why are people so afraid of the fluidity of sex and sexuality, anyways?

*I also know bisexual, bi curious, and gay men and women who love it but that is obvious. But there are gay men that don't like it, for what its worth. Like I said... it isn't sexuality based. 

You Did What in Public?

I try to make it a point to go to the different fetish parties around town each month. So I went again. And it may classify as one of the best ones yet, at least for my personal experience.

First you have to know, vainly, how absolutely stellar I looked. I had picked up a fetish corset piece. It isn't a real corset and just something for fun and a vinyl mini-skirt. I honestly felt drop dead gorgeous.

The high that I felt from feeling that beautiful was only bolstered by the rest of the evening. I approached a friend at the party; she is a wonderful woman. I asked her if she would be willing to do a scene with me at this party and she agreed. I was ecstatic.

An hour later, I found myself on a stage, in nothing but my lace panties, being cuffed to a huge wooden suspension rig in front of a bar full of people. Cue one of the most amazing experiences of my life. From there came the blindfold, the breast torture, and the public lashings. If I had had any doubts before I left that house that day about who I was really becoming, it all floated beautifully away with each hit as I became soundly and profoundly a version of myself that I loved.

And as the orgasms came (pun intended, you see), I was held up by the cuffs, caught by warm hands, and tenderly cared for as my head was somewhere off in the subspace and my body was just a pile of pretty squishy mush. And as I flittered around in the arms of my friends and caregivers, I heard the most wonderful compliments about how great it was to watch or that I was a beautiful bottom and so on. The high from that experience was unprecedented, unimaginable, and totally blissful.

If I am honest with myself, when I left the house that night wearing that outfit, I thought to myself the me from 5 years ago would not recognize the me from today. But I love the person I am becoming. The person who is okay with her sexuality. The girl who is okay helping others with their sexuality. The woman who feels empowered by her own strength.

Didn't I Say Crushes Aren't for Me?

So I haven't said much since I decided to be all bold and shit about being in like with [Lex Luthor]. I mean frankly, what else is there to say on the matter? Not much. But you see, I have been busy being a whiny bitch about whether or not he is thinking about me, what did the other night mean for him, etc. I have gotten on my own last damn nerves; I'm sorry if you're in my immediate vicinity and have to put up with me.

Now that I said that...

It doesn't get the rest of you off the hook.

There are lots of people who talk to me on the daily and read this blog; single people, poly couples, open couples, gay couples, kinksters, etc. That means that you guys, some of you, understand. So here I am. Looking to you for advice. It has been a long damn time since I've not known what to do.

This "crush" or whatever you might prefer to call it has resulted in a self-induced dry spell. There are definitely people that I want to bang, but none of them hold a candle to my interest in him. None of them are fulfilling what I want right now.

And I don't like that.

All because my brain decided to produce an inordinate amount of dopamine for this boy, I have made an ass out of myself by wearing my heart on my sleeve and I haven't had sex in almost two months.

Can you turn these off in your brain? Can you consciously say stop thinking about it (because really that just makes you think about thinking about him)?

I would like for this message from our sponsor to be over so I can return to my regular scheduled programming (until, if ever, he's ready)...if you catch my drift.

Crushes & Why They're Not For Me

I recently read a blog post about crushes that happened to mesh pretty fucking well with thoughts that were already inside this pretty little mind of mine. If by mesh you mean I think that it is totally wrong and I can completely explain why.

The post was about crushes. You know why they're called crushes? Because when they don't work out, your heart is crushed. It is ashes. Mother fucking crumpled and pitiful ashes.  The author of the post says that they believe in the obligation-free crush.

My crush is my own. It's nice if we share a mutual attraction, but even if you show no interest in my pudding-like physical form, I will still hang out with you. This isn't a contract where I will only do nice things for you unless you promise to smooch the hell out of me; no, we are friends, and while my friendship may be laced with a bit of intoxication over the idea of smooching you, I value your actual presence over my daydreams.

This, I can say, is true.

If you truly have the obligation-free crush, this isn't going anywhere. Even the revelation of a mutual attraction may not necessarily lead to hot bedside smoochenatings, as all mature adults understand that "Attraction does not equal automatic coupling." I'm attracted to any number of people who, in a vacuum, would probably warm my nethers...

Alright, this is not true...for me. Actually, it is this point right here that has me so discombobulated over the whole situation that I can't even see crooked because the world is spinning.

First, let me say I prefer to call it like over a crush. Okay, I like  someone. I am in like with someone. I had crushes in fifth grade. Now it is a little more serious.

But I would rather not like anyone. I don't want to be in like. I don't like being in like. It is scary.

I get attracted to a lot of people. Male or female. I can want to fuck as many people as I can handle but that is where I like for it to stay. It is easier for me. Easier for me than what happens when I like someone. In fact, it is such a big deal that I haven't actually liked anyone for nearly 8 years. Not like this. Not in a way that he feels so wonderfully inviting, safe, and like home but these emotions feel dangerous. I feel vulnerable.

I don't like it.

In fact, I can't fucking stand it.

Crushes hurt. Liking people hurts. It isn't beautiful and hopeful like "love". It is raw, confusing, and uncertain. It is a bunch of "Are they thinking about me?" and "Goddamit, I can't stop thinking about them!" with some "Should I look nice? Should I shave my legs? Is this enough cleavage?" thrown in just for added insecurity.

But I will take it all. Because I don't have a choice in the matter.

I know you're probably not reading this, but [Lex Luthor], I like you.

PSA: I'm Not Just Sex

So you're here and you're reading this blog; that means you know I have sex. You know I like talking about sex. You may not have known until this very moment that I now work in the sex industry (no, I'm not a porn star or a prostitute). I mean I fucking love everything this is about sex. It is beautiful, passionate, and pleasureful; what isn't to love? I enjoy making people feel comfortable with their bodies and their sexual identities.

But here is a little run down of how to behave when you meet me and/or my comrades:

1) Do not disrespect us. When I am on this blog I am sassy and honest. When I am work I am professional. But above that, I am human.

2) I will walk you through my most wicked fantasies. I will help you work through your own. That doesn't mean I will play through any of them, at all, with you.

3) I want you to ask me questions and confess your inner most fetishes with me. I will respect you and not judge you, I would like the same.

4) I actually have a Bachelor of Arts in Sociology. I like the way people interact, I like watching them. That also means that I am intelligent and that I have other interests to provide a potential mate than a hot twat.

There isn't just one reason that this needs to be said, and it is kind of pathetic that it needs to be said. I have had no negative responses like I was prepared for. I was prepared for slut-shaming and whore-slandering. But what I got was a call to lose my standards and consistent disrespect. I'm human and you are too.

I won't stop writing and I won't stop talking. More importantly, I won't stop fucking. And that takes away the bully power. I'm just me and I'm happy with it.

Image Credit: Pinup Bombshells

Fetish Confessions: Vampire Bill

The best part of this fetish confessions feature is that the person on the other side is human. Pure and genuine human. That means each one has a little bit of a different flare and a style to it that is all its own. Today's confession is from someone I've dubbed as Vampire Bill. Not quite southern but a hell of a gentleman with a penchant for biting, fits the bill (pun intended). Vampire Bill is going to share his story and then we dive into the psyche for a deeper look at the fetishes.

Fetishes: thigh highs, boots/socks, biting

A little background. In my early twenties, I had a relationship that lasted until my late 20's. This was the love of my life. Before her I only had sex with one person (which was a one night stand). I had done other sexual things with other girls before that, sure, but sex was still new to me. We had great sex early on in the relationship, but over the years it became less. I proposed to her. We were engaged, we were living together. Then it seemed like the sex just dried up. Not for my lack of trying. She even started sleeping in another room.

So what did I resort to? My old standby; Ms. Thumb and her four daughters and porn. Internet porn. The stuff I grew up on the internet with since I was 14. I had a pretty big collection. I knew what I liked, what got me off; hentai, futanari stuff (japanese anime girls with both parts), furry stuff (because cat girls, AMIRITE?) and even regular porn.

When she found it, she was mad and said I was disturbed and needed to seek counseling for my "porn addiction". She made me feel really bad about what I was looking at, but at the same time... we had not had sex in a year! We ended up canceling the engagement because in the end I realized I didn't have the problem.

We broke up, I moved on. I've had first date sex, I've been trying to find the sexual me. The one that didn't get to play much in my 20s.

Whew. That was a ramble. And I haven't even talked about the fetishes yet.
__________________________________________________________________

So why boots/thigh highs? I guess partially because of me liking anime from my early teens? The thigh high socks always do it for me. I don't know why they are so sexy. A nice long pair of legs is incredibly attractive to me, and combined with knee high boots or socks... I am instantly turned on. With the boots I think it shows a naughty side, alternative, it's just hot. I wouldn't lick boots or anything like that, I just think it looks amazing.

I feel the same way about boots. I like the dominant feature they give me while wearing them and I think they're generally sexy. I have broken both pairs of my boots in by having sex while wearing them. It is remarkably attractive. Is it just the aesthetic of looking at boots or does it involve the leather? What about leg worship or a foot fetish? 

To me leather boots, or high socks is more of an aesthetic thing to me. While I do like sexy legs, I am more of a breast man myself. I've never had a foot fetish, like sucking toes or licking them. For me it's a cleanliness thing, they'd have to be clean for me to do that haha. Although that sounds weird, sex can get dirty sometimes and I am ok with that.

Sex can get a lot of things, dirty just being the obvious! But what about biting? How did you find out about that? One time it just happened to me where I got nipped and I liked it. A little pain with pleasure. I know I've gotten aggressive and nibbled a bit. It's more of an "in the act" thing. If they like it, go for more, if they don't I back off. A lot of things can happen in the heat of the moment.

When it comes to biting, there are a variety of levels to say the least. How hard do you like it? If it's hard enough to leave a bruise that's too hard for sure.

To me, my preference is a nice bruise on the inside of the thigh. A hidden reminder. It's one of my favorite things.

How do you handle telling other people about this? If you have chemistry with someone and they are not into it or unwilling to try? Well, the last time that happened it ended an engagement for me. On some level they have to at least respect what you like. And if you can't get it from them, I think they at least need to understand you can get it from porn every now and then and NOT get mad at you for still liking it. 

Do you think that it only needs to come from porn or are you into the idea of open relationships?

If I am in a committed relationship and love the person and they don't want to do a specific something that I like sexually, I would turn to porn. While I haven't been in an open relationship while dating someone, I have seen what it can do to some relationships, even if both parties agree to it. Jealousy is a big factor that comes into play. I knew a couple who got married, after a few years they weren't filling each other's needs and they turned to open relationships. One got jealous of the other and they grew further apart and eventually got divorced. They are both still friends of mine and she confided in me what had happened.

I'm not opposed to an open relationship, but I would tread carefully. I know myself well enough that I could get my feelings hurt or become jealous.

Communication is key. It is key in absolutely everything we do. And while life can get complicated, good communication can at least resolve issues even if it means just ending them but in a strong, neutral/positive way. It is why I love these confessions so much. They communicate and create a level of understanding. I hope they always will.

I admire that you can freely put everything out all out there so to speak. And thank you for offering an anon solution to those who don't want everything all out there.

Reader Response: Hard Limits

What are your top three fetishes that you won't do?

Hard limits.

What are my biggest hard limits?

To be honest, I don't know if I would have known them until recently when I did a BDSM checklist to help me understand more about myself, my desires, what I wanted to experience, what I wanted to do to others, and what the difference between a soft and hard limit is.

But I have done that list, so I do know them.

#1: Anything related to bathroom functions. I know that encompasses a lot of them but this includes scat, watersports, diaper wearing, etc. If it is something that happens in or around a toilet, count me out. Smells, textures, germophobiness, its all just going to do more than turn me off. I promise. The one thing to note is that I have always been willing to pee on someone, but generally its a mutually reciprocal thing and that doesn't work for me. But is it is my hard limit, not yours.

#2: This...is a hard limit for life. Because I fucking hate the thought of it: DENTAL WORK. I mean, I can't even think of how that would be sexy. I would dead. Like actually dead because my heart just imploded. I hit the floor when I barely chipped a tooth. I can't. I just cannot.

#3: This one is a little more abstract. I don't like to do things that make me feel unsexy. If something physically is effecting the way that I look (i.e. fire cupping & gas masks) and makes me feel weird and awkward, the scene is broken. The magic is gone. I love my body and I love feeling sexy. I'm a wild woman when I feel sexy. I love sensation, pleasure, and pleasing but take away that sexy and that confidence and I'm done. It is why I struggle with rope even though I love it so much.

Well there, that is a hell of an interesting look into my psyche.

Deadly Sins

I don't know if ti was the years of barely orgasms, the beaten confidence, or the constant thoughts that if I pleased him it would make him want me, but time has turned me into a flawed lover.

This isn't about the skeletons in my closet because they're no fun. This is about my overwhelming desire and craving for pleasure to belong to me. A deep, intimate acknowledgement of my greed and selfishness as a lover.

None of us are perfect. Sorry to break that news to you.

But part of owning yourself, being confident, and loving your own sexuality is acknowledging that small truth.

Strive to be awesome, not perfect.

I've grown fond of the idea that my first time with  a partner needs to be about me. If you want me to be with you 100% I need to gauge you in my own way. How do you respect a simple request? How do you feel about a woman who knows what she wants? Are you just in this for the quickest lay? These are all hints and ideas that I pick up from having my partners please me for the first time.

It also serves to make me very comfortable with a partner once they've seen, tasted, and prodded my body and they want to come back. In that weird, symbiotic way, it makes me a better lover, too.

But that is not the only way I'm selfish (or flawed). You see, I'm also severely undisciplined. In the throws of pleasure and ecstasy, I am very erratic. I get over eager sometimes. Sometimes I get scared. Sometimes I am in real pain. Sometimes I can't stand or see straight.

That is when my partner gets the short end of the stick. And I am sorry for it. You did well but please help me. This is the moment where trust is built. Where the vulnerable reaches out and you lay the foundation for this thing between us. I don't want to keep taking from you but I will keep asking. Because after 20 years, I finally give a damn about myself.

Image Credit: Dahlig

Fetish Confessions: Big Brother

Today's confession is a little different than usual. Someone came to me to talk about something that had happened in their past. Something special albeit taboo; a secret that, until now, has been so very tightly held.

Today, Big Brother is talking about:

Incest

It had an interesting beginning. We were sitting in my bedroom and were talking about different things. We ended up on the subject of [significant others] and how neither one of us had one. I told her she was beautiful and that if I could, I would date her. She responded by telling me I was handsome and that she would date me as well.

Over the course of a few months we would come back to the bf/gf conversation and eventually we decided that we didn’t care if it was wrong, we were going to secretly be each’s other [significant other].

This went on for a while.

When our parents were gone or in other rooms, we would sneak kisses. Gentle pecks at first as if to test the waters. They would continue to grow increasingly passionate. Or as passionate as we could at that age.

On a day our parents were out, she asked me if I loved her. I said, “Of course.” But then she asked me again, “Do you really love me? As a boy loves a girl...not as a brother loves a sister.” And I told her yes. I loved her with my whole heart and being. When I asked her the same question, she said she loved me with her heart, body, and soul.

After that, she asked if I wanted to see her. I remember stuttering and saying that I was looking at her. That isn’t what she meant. She said, “No, do you want to see me?” and she pulled her shirt off and slipped out of her shorts. There my sister stood...in a bra and panties and I could barely contain myself.

She tugged at my arm and pulled me close. She started to pull at my shirt until it came off and then she pulled my pants down. I didn’t know what to do!

We went into my bedroom and laid in my bed. We were face to face, kissing. She put my hands on her breasts and pulled my boxers off. My hands were shaking so bad that all I do was pull her bra up but I couldn't get it unlatched. When she touched me, hard as I was, I nearly came right there.

I fumbled around with her breasts for a minute until she told me she wanted me to touch her. She was warm and wet. She told me just how to rub [her clit] and guides me on what to do. She continued to get wetter and wetter. All of a sudden, she squeals and starts to shudder. When she has finished, she asked me if I want to try to put myself inside to and I agree.

She laid down on the bed and I move on top of her and I try to put myself in but I can’t so she helps me find the right spot. I start to enter her and when I meet the resistance, I keep going and break her hymen. She puts her mouth to my shoulder with a yelp and tells me to keep going.

She told me what to do and how to do it. I had watched some porn by that time but I still needed her to tell me what to do, even though it was her first time, too.

I finally enter her and begin to fumble back and forth. I get about three strokes in and suddenly feel the feeling that I am going to release and before I can do anything, I cum and release everything that I have inside of her.

She was surprised that I came inside her. She wasn't angry just surprised and explained it couldn't happen again. After that, I found out that she had actually been masturbating to the idea about me making love to her for quite sometime. And that...was how it started...

Life is Balance

There is never a way to get out of the inevitable balance that is life. Life is beautiful, you know I think that but sometimes it's just a bitch. I mean it. One minute you're enjoying yourself and in the very next breath you find yourself in the middle of a tornadic shit storm.

If I am honest, I am exaggerating a little bit, but it is how I feel. 

I'm in the middle of something I was afraid to feel. I'm in the middle of a sub drop.

A sub drop is (and its equally opposite top drop but I can't talk about that) when the all the endorphins that are pumping through your body through and after a scene bottom out and dissipate. It is an emotional and a physical state stress.

After a weekend of fun, scenes, friends, booze, and sex I feel empty. I don't like it. I don't want this. I want to bask in after glows and happiness. Instead of that, at 2AM I'm asking someone what the hell is happening to me.

There are a lot reactions that each individual could feel from bitchy, needy, whiny, lonely, etc. What I feel or more prominently when the drop first occurred I was very scared, reclusive, confused and I didn't want to be touched. I was unsure of everything about myself. It is a very ugly place to be.

And also extremely apologetic. I felt like I corrupted the world and it was all my fault.

Aftercare, which isn't something I have really talked about, can help curb this and help bring you down safely but it isn't a foolproof resolve. I will write about that too, but the cosmos had to fucking know about the ugly side of this. The part that says everything is in fucking a balance and just to get over it.

Also, writing helped. So there is that.

Shocking Revelations

About a month ago, I told you that I went to a fetish party. Last time, I was considerably late everything was winding down and it was simply very sensual but I was not actively participating. But this time. This time was different.

What was different this time?

I promise it had nothing to do with the beer I had before I got there.

Or the three drinks I had while I was there. Totally not.

What I experienced was a new level of high. Dabbles in voyeurism and exhibitionism; raw sexual energy could be found everywhere.

It wouldn't be long before the feeling that was coursing over my skin and through my veins would be more than adrenaline. I found myself in a dark bar, surrounded by friends who had their eyes on me but my eyes were only on us. A man, a master of the violet wand, who would open up my world. Who would soon be tearing screaming electricity up my skirt, across my body, and down my exposed cleavage.

This was the experience that would change it all.

I could feel the eyes of people around me. They came back to tell me later they saw the moment I lost myself to the spacey feeling of pure pleasure. They watched as I made a quiet plea for him to touch me. And I don't know if anyone will ever know how close I was to cumming. There on that table where I was unable to control a side of me that wants to be free.

A side that was open enough to later strip down, be quite more than half naked in front of a bar full of people. I climbed up on that table, naked in only boots and panties and was taken to a place where I was in pure bliss. Hot, burning wax was being poured onto my flesh and all I could do was think.

I could hear what they were saying. The voices that were so far away. I heard words like "She's so pretty" or "lovely" or "she looks wonderful" floating in on little whispers as I stopped the tears from falling. For in that place, in the place where no one could reach me, in the place where pain pricks and pleases, I realized that I am flawed and I am always going to be that way. I lay there bare and exposed but my heart wept with the social anxiety of 20 years but as their words floated in and around me, carrying me on a cloud, I knew I was naked and I knew I was beautiful.

And I know I will be okay.

This party is not for the faint of heart. There are beatings. There are violent words. There is pain. But there is pleasure. There is a world of understanding and it is waiting to be found. If you think you're interested in this, don't wait. Please, don't hesitate to feel this.

**Image Credit: electroplyr - ArtoftheVioletWand.com

Reader's Response: What Was Your Worst?

It seems like the hornier I get the less I write. I suppose that is because I'm trying to not think about it all the time or that I am trying to fill my time...and myself if you know what I mean. But I'm still right here. And you can still ask me absolutely anything you want.

Like this DM I got on Twitter:

What was your worst sexual experience?

Well, I know everyone thinks that if a guy's dick doesn't work that is the most horrible thing you can think of to happen in the moment.

But I really just don't think so.

I think it is hard to really pick one that classifies as the worse. To answer this though, I think I will use my first time with a partner. Which doesn't count because first times aren't supposed to be awesome but nothing has been as bad as this...

My boy and I were going out on a date. He lived 8 hours away from me and had come in to visit! Aww, so sweet and things got hot and heavy quickly. I could make up all sorts of excuses for what I am about to share but it comes down to inexperience.

He and I pulled off to this secluded not-quite-a-street side road. I can't remember how awkwardly we got my clothes off but I can remember seeing his head between my legs while we thought he was giving me the pleasure of a lifetime. TWENTY-EIGHT ORGASMS! That's how many orgasms I had.

Just kidding. 

There, in the backseat of his mom's car, I never had a single orgasm. But I didn't know that at the time. I had no idea what a real orgasm was. I also did the whole Titanic hand wipe of the windows once they were foggy.

Not to mention, I seem to recall crying the first time I saw his penis.

Let's just not even go there. Just no.

So what? It didn't work.

Sex is an interesting thing sometimes. We all know it can be fun and romantic. We know it can be dull or thrilling. But sometimes we like to forget that it can be awkward and complicated.

There are a lot of things that could go wrong to make things weird. Bodily functions alone are enough to ruin your romp. That is what I wanted you to know. That's what I have dealt with and that's what a lot of people can't handle. But here is the thing, sometimes...

His dick just won't work.

And it isn't (always) your fault.

There really are a lot of factors that can contribute to this and they don't all have to do to with you.

And here's something important to note, the same thing happens to girls. Sometimes, we just are not going to get off.

I've been on all sides of this. I've fucked up and done something that had an adverse effect (who knew not everyone was a masochist!). I've had guys that praised me and reassured me it wasn't my fault and it felt wonderful but their body was working against them. I've had extreme pleasure and still never made it to orgasm. And I've had boys that needed a few lessons on female anatomy.

It happens. Please don't allow it to make you feel insecure or less sexy. All you have to do is communicate with your partner. And don't be afraid to stop. You can always try again later.

If this is happening to you and you're the one struggling to get it up or off, stop thinking about it. If you think about it and focus on why it isn't happening, it won't happen. And you don't have anything to apologize for. Don't make excuses, don't be mean, and just accept that sex can't always be perfect.

Fetish Confessions: Mistress Lisa

Today I have the pleasure of talking to a fellow female. Someone who can appreciate the power behind a woman in charge. You win yourself a lot favor with me if you understand the reference behind her name, if you don't know, you'll find out. Joining me today is Mistress Lisa.

Mistress Lisa's fetishes: Cuckolding, RP, BDSM, and voyeurism.

How long have these been a thing for you?

I've been interested in voyeurism since I was a teenager. I remember watching some scrambled Cinemax porn, and then later finding some movies in my parents' room (not home movies, ugh--just old porn tapes) and being very intrigued by the idea of watching other people have sex, or letting people watch me.

Sadly, I didn't get into the idea of BDSM and roleplaying until I was an adult and read (again, ugh) 50 Shades of Grey, which is an awful, horrible book and yet I could not explain why it turned me on. Intrigued, I began googling for other books that might explore the same themes and came across the most influential thing that I've ever encountered, sexually: Anne Rice's "Sleeping Beauty" trilogy. This was the catalyst for a lot of major life changes for me, one of which was realizing that I was turned on by some bizarre things, that that was okay, and that it was time for me to explore them.

For the record, if you like Sleeping Beauty, Anne Rice also wrote "Exit to Eden" and it was turned into a movie in the 90s. My first movie with sex and my first introduction to BDSM and whipping. It changed my life. I knew I wanted to be Mistress Lisa but I was also so intrigued by the arousal of being spanked, blindfolded, etc.

On the same idea, going from the idea of a cuckolding fetish, what do you think about FemDom and women being in the position of control?

It's interesting (at least to me)... I have always strongly identified as a submissive in role-play and BDSM encounters. I think it's because I'm such a control freak in real life that it feels completely foreign and intoxicating to be out of control during sex. However, recently I met someone that I liked very much, and after getting to know one another a little better, he let me know that he was interested in FemDom and/or cuckolding. So I've been playing around with it, and with him a little bit. Much of the time it's still terrifying to me, but it's also fun--like wearing something completely fabulous that you would never choose yourself, but that looks great on you. It's hard to explain. Overall, my philosophy on fetishes (and sexuality in general) is: if it feels good, and it doesn't hurt anyone (without their consent!), then go for it. I may not be into it, but I won't judge you--and I'll always try anything once (unless it involves kids, animals, or shit).

Of all the things you said there, you did not imply that watersports/golden showers were off limits... Is that going too far?

Watersports/golden showers... it's not exactly going too far, I think, but it does nothing for me. I would pee on someone if they asked me to, but I'm never going to initiate it and I draw a hard line at being peed on.

A "your fetish, not mine" kind of deal. Can you pinpoint what it is about your fetishes that makes them such a powerful turn on?

Not really, no. Like I said earlier, there's the idea of being out of control which is thrilling, but it's more than that. I'm a very sensual person, in the literal sense of the word. I tie emotions very strongly to encounters with my five senses, and there is just something about role-playing that helps me step off the hamster wheel in my own head and into my senses. As far as voyeurism goes... well, it's just fucking hot to watch people get each other off, right? And it's equally as hot to let them watch you.

You also said you're a voyeur. Do you like watching people in all sexual aspects including masturbation, oral, and intercourse? Don't you want to participate?

I love watching masturbation. I love it. At one time I was active in the Chaturbate community (a site where you broadcast yourself masturbating live on webcam, either for free or for pay) but haven't done that in a while. 

I like watching everything basically. Of course I want to participate, but often I find it hotter to pretend I can't. Like it's a secret and/or they don't know I'm watching. It helps that I do a lot of voyeurism via webcam, so it's hard for me to participate (although I do play along at home :)). 

As far as voyeurism goes, if sex weren't so taboo and people could separate private and professional lives, I would love to have sex and put my sex-capades on the internet as amateur porn but that is honestly a can of worms that I am not willing to open. Do you like to photo swap or video yourself with partners? I find it thrilling and love that people share that little piece of themselves with me.

I'm a HUGE fan of photo and video swapping and/or sexting. I do a ton of it with people I've met online. For the most part I am careful about not using or sending any photos with my face or identifying features, on the off chance they end up posted somewhere. I say "for the most part" because there are some people that I trust, who DO have photos of me that could be used to hurt me. I also have photos of them that I could use against them if needed.

Are your sexual interests something that you are open about or do you only share it with a select few?

No, very few of my friends know about my secret life :). If I hear someone talking about 50 Shades or BDSM, I'll occasionally bring it up tentatively, but back away quickly if I don't see a flash of recognition. I actually don't think any of my friends know about my sexual proclivities, now that I think about it. It is usually something that comes up early on when I meet a new guy or girl, in a romantic sense. I need to know that we're going to be on the same page sexually before I take things too far.

Being a fetishist, do you find that you are more or less attracted to other fetishists? Could you be with someone who didn’t really have a kinky side?

I definitely could not be with someone who wasn't at least open to my kinks. I don't want or need roleplay or public sex every time--there is a time and a place for vanilla sex too!--but without any variety, things get boring quickly. I was with someone for over a decade who wasn't sexually adventurous, and it was really tough.

I understand your struggle there. At the bare of it, I think we all have those skeletons in our closet.

What do you think of the quote: "A kink is a thrill, and a fetish is a must"?

As for that quote, to me that quote perfectly defines the clinical definition between kinks and fetishes (yeah, I do a lot of reading, I'm a nerd). A "kink" is something you enjoy doing, but a "fetish", in the clinical sense, is so all-consuming that you either can't get sexually aroused, or can't achieve orgasm, without it. By that definition, I have zero fetishes. I love sex in every way, shape, and form, and I can't imagine myself getting to a point where I HAVE to be spanked or watched or taken from behind in order to get off.

It is safe to say that every time I am spanked or taken from behind I am going to get off, though!

BONUS QUESTION!

Is there one fetish that could potentially land you behind bars? You know, because oral and anal sex are both illegal in Louisiana.

I think my only fetish that could land me in the slammer is having sex in a public place (and I'm pretty lucky I haven't gotten caught). And of course, if we're going by puritan laws, oral and anal -- but that's not a fetish, that's just normal, right?

Normal...I don’t even know what that means, anymore.

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Participating in Fetish Confessions is easy & I promise I will be gentle. Just visit me here and signup or email me! ❤

I've Slept with Fat Guys: A Snarky Rant

Yesterday I linked an article on Facebook that was about dating and the effort boys put should put into something when a girl's heart is on the line. But that isn't what this is about. Oh no. That article stirred up a conversation that infuriated me.

Someone commented and said that if I want a guy to buy me a beer, I should "look for the fattest guy at the bar" and I will find all the perfect, chivalrous traits in a guy who would want to buy me "10 beers and ask for nothing in return".

Not only did he generalize that all fat guys are nice guys but he just accused me of being shallow. Slow down puppy, you don't know me. In my experience, I have met assholes, nice guys, and creepers in all shapes, sizes, and colors.

But when it concerns who I date, who I love, and who I fuck it comes down to chemistry and interest. You're wrong if you think I only go for hot bad boys. Get over yourself.

I fuck fat guys, skinny guys, bald guys, hairy guys, geeky guys, smart guys, country guys, tall guys, short guys, submissive guys, dominant guys, quiet guys, loud guys, gingers, high school dropouts, guys with small penises, guys with big penises, older guys and younger guys. Girls could even make this list.

I'm pretty indiscriminate.

And I won't just gloss someone accusing me of otherwise.

Reader's Response: What Did You Do?

It really is a special thrill when people comment on blog posts outside of the blog. I get messages, and comments, and text messages and even SnapChats about posts. It makes me feel like I have ascended to bad-ass status!

Today's question comes from Twitter:

I read your post about the swinger club and BDSM night. I was curious if you included yourself or just observed.

The short answer is that I just observed...this time.

When I walked in to the bar, I was nervous and had the creepy clammy hands going on while I drained my vaporizer tank. I didn't know what to expect. Coming around the corner, I was greeted with the most erotic seen I have ever laid eyes one.

There was a beautifully naked woman on stage who was being roped and bound. She looked like she was in heaven. I was instantly drunk watching her.

Next to her, a woman was bent over the spanking benches with her skirt up around her waist.

I missed most of the party but I had never experienced anything so sensual and arousing. I didn't want to participate just then. I wanted to drink in the sights. There were flogging racks and I think I would very much like to be rigged to them one day. There were aftercare blankets because the community cares about safety and respect. It was wonderful. I will be back. I can't say I will get to participate very much as the newcomer but I will be back.

Image Credit: Boardwalk Empire

A Place to Call Home

If you can believe it, there are still somethings that frighten me.

My snarky and bullheadedness just leaves and makes way for a girl who is unsure of herself and timid.

I recently found out that there was a swingers club in my town. Of course, in my sexual nature it intrigued me a lot but I wrote it off, thinking that I could never go there. I wouldn't go alone and I surely would find none to go with me.

But then I found the community. I found [Mostly Harmless] and he changed my life.

The "underground" BDSM community that I wanted, that I sought after had been found. It turns out they have lavish parties and meetups and are extremely active yet entirely respectable. I was invited to go to the latest party. I was terrified. I don't like being this girl who doesn't know the ropes and doesn't know what to expect. I don't like being this girl.

So I could have stayed home. I could have been beaten by my own insecurities. But instead, I took my life into my own hands and went to that swingers club for a BDSM lifestyle party. I vaped an entire tank with my vaporizer. I looked like a lost puppy. But it was worth it. I walked into the most erotic scenes of my life. This is a turning point. I feel it.

I had to tell myself again that you can't change your stars without hard work. Exploring your sexuality can be scary and it can be intimidating but I encourage you to do it. Be heteroflexible, be spanked, be tied, be anything you fucking want!

Reader's Response: Female Masturbation

It has been a a while since someone had a question for me to answer. I always love those nuggets of surprise in my email or in comments and messages!

Today's question was emailed in:

Women masturbation: Do most women just use their own fingers or do they prefer a dildo? Is a vibrator better than a dildo... that sort of thing.

First I feel that it is important to clarify... NOT EVERY WOMAN IS THE SAME.

There. I felt the need to yell that out to the world.

Because there are women who can finger themselves or play with their nipples, etc. to get themselves off.

I'm not one of them.

I almost exclusively require a vibrator to masturbate*.

It is a combination of my body not being sensitive to my own touches and the time and effort it can take to masturbate. I masturbate more when I'm trying to go to sleep than I do when I'm horny (do people still say horny?).

But honestly, their isn't a "most women" answer because it can vary wildly across every woman. Even the preference of dildo over vibrator would depend on if they penetrate or clit stimulate.

*Or a detachable shower head!

Guest Post: Slut or Lover? The Trials of Being Polyamorous

The story I shared last time? Happened over a decade ago. I'm now married to the man I consider my best friend and life partner. It's pretty awesome.

We've both been with other people off and on throughout our years together. Some were strong emotional connections, some were just good sex. Overall, we've had a pretty great poly experience because we have a good relationship with each other and both live very honest, open lives. And so we both always stick to the rules. If you're thinking of trying polyamoury or swinging, it's very important that you have set rules and complete honesty among all parties involved. It's up to you and your partner what those rules should be. Be prepared to change the rules later, if needed. Always speak up if you have a concern or are uncomfortable. Polyamoury is not about jealousy or manipulating others' emotions.

But today, I want to talk about some of the negative parts of living a non-monogamous lifestyle. When other people are thrown into the midst of your most intimate relationship, sometimes it doesn't all go as planned.

It's strange how some people react to the revelation that we are not monogamous. I've lost friendships over it. I've been told I should leave my husband by his concerned friends. I've, of course, been called a slut. On the flip side, sometimes it brings unwanted attentions. In my early 20s, I turned down quite a few middle-aged couples looking for a spry young lady to join them. They all took it rather gracefully, but not everyone I've rejected does. Some people seem to think that if you are non-monogamous, you must want all the sex you can possibly get. (Hello, standards?) Others, after becoming involved in a relationship with me, decided to try to convince me to leave my partner to exclusively be with them. For me, that's a complete deal-breaker. It's led to stalking (no fun, man!) and dramatic confrontations. And that's why you want to make sure everyone is 100% clear on your rules.

On the other hand, if one of your partners does develop inappropriate feelings for you, it doesn't necessarily have to turn out badly. I have had a good friend and partner recognize that he was starting to feel jealous and possessive and deal with the situation himself. I won't say there were no hurt feelings or sadness, but we remain good friends and he's also good friends with my husband.

One of the hardest parts of leading a polygamous lifestyle is the time involved in maintaining multiple relationships. If you're not having emotionally involved relationships, this is less of an issue, but still there. If you and your prospective partner can't find an hour every week or two to spend together, it might not be worth the mental/emotional strain of trying to maintain multiple healthy relationships. Because even if you don't want your extra partners to love you, you do want them to respect you.

Sweet n Sexy's disclaimer: Everything I write about is from personal experience. I am not an expert. Only you know what's right for you and your relationship. I'm just here to provide insight. Stay safe and have fun! XO

Fetish Confessions: Teddy Bear Part 2

The last time I was talking to Teddy Bear, we were discussing the different fetishes that he has and what is so amazingly hot about them. This time we're dealing with the tender stuff. The fragile nature of sharing those fetishes with your partner and if he can even have a partner that can't accept them.

Is your fetish lifestyle something that you are open about or do you only share it with a select few?

I am open about it with my closest friends and lovers. I think society teaches us to be ashamed of sex when its something that should be regarded as beautiful and spiritual. That said, I think sex/fetishes are something that should be personal in some ways. For example, I don't think one should embrace their fetishes/sexuality to the point of becoming dangerously promiscuous (in terms of STD's, not respecting one's own emotional worth or needs, etc.). Fetishes are things that are personal and should be shared intimately. And just to clarify to your readers, I consider what you do with your blog to be extremely intimate. Intimacy doesn't mean sharing only with one or few people. Intimacy is sharing with people who want to understand you and who want to experience a part of your deepest self in a genuine sense. When we can share our fetishes with others (sometimes even strangers), it can be deeply intimate if they truly appreciate what you're revealing to them and if they return that intimacy by sharing something of themselves. So, I guess even my perception of intimacy is about vulnerability in the masculine and feminine....

Speaking of what I do here, something that I have heard since I've been talking about things like this, is that I am brave. Do you ever feel, after sharing your fetishes, that you are vulnerable? Open for criticism?

I feel like I am vulnerable, yes, because I'm letting people know some of the most intimate parts of me. But I don't feel like I'm open for criticism. My sexual nature is my own and as long as I'm not hurting myself or others, nobody has a right to "criticize" my fetishes. I know my opinion on that is strongly influenced by having to deal with the repercussions of coming out, especially in a repressive, rural culture. Now if a partner wants to criticize my technique, that's totally fine (and I expect them to!). But criticizing my fetishes isn't something I'm interested in entertaining for others. I just think that's a dangerous path to secretly let the rampant sexual repression of our culture come into the conversation.

When do you try confide in/try it out with a new partner?

Honestly, from the beginning. I've made the mistake of not discussing it upfront with some partners (trust me....don't do that!). You have to know if your partner can accept your fetishes and if they can help you fulfill them (directly or indirectly). My current partner is a psych major and he has tried to psychoanalyze my fetishes when we've tried to engage in them. That kills the mood for me every time. However, I appreciate the fact that he's tried to engage in my fetishes to know who I am on a deeper level. Because we feel we're perfect for each other on almost every other level, we compromised to expand our relationship to polyamory for the right additional partners. Your partner should ALWAYS be willing to help meet your needs (and vice-versa); this was our way of doing that.

Would you say that you’re only attracted to people who can share in that with you? I know I am turned off by people who don't want to explore or even participate in the most tame fetishes. I have to be able to explore this side of me and I want a partner who has a similar side.

Definitely. Having spent so much of my teen years repressing who I was from those I cared about, I have no interest in doing that now. And we shouldn't have to repress ourselves...we should express ourselves! (Cue Madonna in my head.... Oi, I'm such a queer sometimes....) :-) That said, they don't have to fully engage in my fetishes, but they have to attempt to understand, accept, and embrace them in their own way.

Do you still enjoy “vanilla” sex or is the fetish a must now?

I do still enjoy vanilla sex because of the intimacy it creates between my partner and I. However, I'm attracted to vanilla sex because of him and my connection to him, not because I enjoy vanilla sex itself. So in some ways, fetish is a must now. I view sex as another way to bond with people, though, so this helps me transcend my need for fetish.

How do you feel about this saying: “A kink is a thrill, and a fetish is a must”?

I suppose it depends on how we define these things. There are certainly things that are musts and things that are just thrills (i.e., optional). In that sense, I totally agree with the statement, and it helps give a definition to what kinks and fetishes are (something that is hard to do in the kink/fetish community, I think).

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Participating in Fetish Confessions is easy & I promise I will be gentle. Just visit me here and signup or email me! ❤

Subspace Nine

Sometimes you have to allow your sexual journey to flow. Or sometimes you have to grab it by the balls and say I'm going to get laid. It was more the latter of those choices when I decided to say yes and get together with [Mostly Harmless].

This meeting though was about a little more than just sex. I was willing and actively seeking to engage in some S&M. I wanted to submit to someone. I wanted to put my body in their hands. I wanted to be punished. And it started with this, a line so dominating in its simplicity, and I was his:


 The next person who shall make you cum is me.And no other. Yourself included.


I didn't know what to do.

I was not scared. But I was nervous. I was lost.

That was when I showed up wearing only my too-short dress, my leather boots, and a willing attitude.

He taught me about safety. He explored my body. And my dominant side shut the fuck up. She let him take her.

And it went that I was whipped. I was spanked, paddled, and flogged. My flesh pricked and teased.

I have never had such a more blissful experience.

That's when I learned about subspace.

In a D/s relationship, [subspace is a] very special place the submissive enters when he/she totally trusts his/her Dominant, and totally immerses in an intense scene. The sub may not be capable of making rational decisions about his/her safety and well-being at this point. It is the responsibility of the Dom to provide for the welfare of his/her sub, as he/she has trusted him to do. It is also the Dom's responsibility after the scene to help the sub to return to "vanilla space" after the scene. This entails providing both physical and emotional assurance to the sub, until he/she regains his/her sense of self, and is known as, "aftercare".

It had been so long since someone had cared about my experience instead of what was just between my legs that I was drunk on endorphins. I let my soul connect to the pain and beat some of the negativity out of me. And when he introduced me to a wartenberg wheel, I had found a simple addiction. It was the was the same high that I would get from a tattoo needle sawing across my flesh.

I couldn't think straight. I couldn't SEE straight. And I was loud.

And as we lay there, waiting for my sanity to bring me back to reality I was warm, cuddled, and petted. We talked and touched and slowly the world came back but I was exhausted, beyond empty.

It was the most sexually satisfied I've ever been without having intercourse and I see the beauty in that. I can't even be sassy about it because I left her at home. That night was about the other side of me and that is okay, too.

Fetish Confessions: Teddy Bear Part I

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