Shocking Revelations

About a month ago, I told you that I went to a fetish party. Last time, I was considerably late everything was winding down and it was simply very sensual but I was not actively participating. But this time. This time was different.

What was different this time?

I promise it had nothing to do with the beer I had before I got there.

Or the three drinks I had while I was there. Totally not.

What I experienced was a new level of high. Dabbles in voyeurism and exhibitionism; raw sexual energy could be found everywhere.

It wouldn't be long before the feeling that was coursing over my skin and through my veins would be more than adrenaline. I found myself in a dark bar, surrounded by friends who had their eyes on me but my eyes were only on us. A man, a master of the violet wand, who would open up my world. Who would soon be tearing screaming electricity up my skirt, across my body, and down my exposed cleavage.

This was the experience that would change it all.

I could feel the eyes of people around me. They came back to tell me later they saw the moment I lost myself to the spacey feeling of pure pleasure. They watched as I made a quiet plea for him to touch me. And I don't know if anyone will ever know how close I was to cumming. There on that table where I was unable to control a side of me that wants to be free.

A side that was open enough to later strip down, be quite more than half naked in front of a bar full of people. I climbed up on that table, naked in only boots and panties and was taken to a place where I was in pure bliss. Hot, burning wax was being poured onto my flesh and all I could do was think.

I could hear what they were saying. The voices that were so far away. I heard words like "She's so pretty" or "lovely" or "she looks wonderful" floating in on little whispers as I stopped the tears from falling. For in that place, in the place where no one could reach me, in the place where pain pricks and pleases, I realized that I am flawed and I am always going to be that way. I lay there bare and exposed but my heart wept with the social anxiety of 20 years but as their words floated in and around me, carrying me on a cloud, I knew I was naked and I knew I was beautiful.

And I know I will be okay.

This party is not for the faint of heart. There are beatings. There are violent words. There is pain. But there is pleasure. There is a world of understanding and it is waiting to be found. If you think you're interested in this, don't wait. Please, don't hesitate to feel this.

**Image Credit: electroplyr - ArtoftheVioletWand.com

Subspace Nine

Sometimes you have to allow your sexual journey to flow. Or sometimes you have to grab it by the balls and say I'm going to get laid. It was more the latter of those choices when I decided to say yes and get together with [Mostly Harmless].

This meeting though was about a little more than just sex. I was willing and actively seeking to engage in some S&M. I wanted to submit to someone. I wanted to put my body in their hands. I wanted to be punished. And it started with this, a line so dominating in its simplicity, and I was his:


 The next person who shall make you cum is me.And no other. Yourself included.


I didn't know what to do.

I was not scared. But I was nervous. I was lost.

That was when I showed up wearing only my too-short dress, my leather boots, and a willing attitude.

He taught me about safety. He explored my body. And my dominant side shut the fuck up. She let him take her.

And it went that I was whipped. I was spanked, paddled, and flogged. My flesh pricked and teased.

I have never had such a more blissful experience.

That's when I learned about subspace.

In a D/s relationship, [subspace is a] very special place the submissive enters when he/she totally trusts his/her Dominant, and totally immerses in an intense scene. The sub may not be capable of making rational decisions about his/her safety and well-being at this point. It is the responsibility of the Dom to provide for the welfare of his/her sub, as he/she has trusted him to do. It is also the Dom's responsibility after the scene to help the sub to return to "vanilla space" after the scene. This entails providing both physical and emotional assurance to the sub, until he/she regains his/her sense of self, and is known as, "aftercare".

It had been so long since someone had cared about my experience instead of what was just between my legs that I was drunk on endorphins. I let my soul connect to the pain and beat some of the negativity out of me. And when he introduced me to a wartenberg wheel, I had found a simple addiction. It was the was the same high that I would get from a tattoo needle sawing across my flesh.

I couldn't think straight. I couldn't SEE straight. And I was loud.

And as we lay there, waiting for my sanity to bring me back to reality I was warm, cuddled, and petted. We talked and touched and slowly the world came back but I was exhausted, beyond empty.

It was the most sexually satisfied I've ever been without having intercourse and I see the beauty in that. I can't even be sassy about it because I left her at home. That night was about the other side of me and that is okay, too.