Thursday, June 26, 2014

Fetish Confessions: Mistress Lisa

Today I have the pleasure of talking to a fellow female. Someone who can appreciate the power behind a woman in charge. You win yourself a lot favor with me if you understand the reference behind her name, if you don't know, you'll find out. Joining me today is Mistress Lisa.

Mistress Lisa's fetishes: Cuckolding, RP, BDSM, and voyeurism.

How long have these been a thing for you?

I've been interested in voyeurism since I was a teenager. I remember watching some scrambled Cinemax porn, and then later finding some movies in my parents' room (not home movies, ugh--just old porn tapes) and being very intrigued by the idea of watching other people have sex, or letting people watch me.

Sadly, I didn't get into the idea of BDSM and roleplaying until I was an adult and read (again, ugh) 50 Shades of Grey, which is an awful, horrible book and yet I could not explain why it turned me on. Intrigued, I began googling for other books that might explore the same themes and came across the most influential thing that I've ever encountered, sexually: Anne Rice's "Sleeping Beauty" trilogy. This was the catalyst for a lot of major life changes for me, one of which was realizing that I was turned on by some bizarre things, that that was okay, and that it was time for me to explore them.

For the record, if you like Sleeping Beauty, Anne Rice also wrote "Exit to Eden" and it was turned into a movie in the 90s. My first movie with sex and my first introduction to BDSM and whipping. It changed my life. I knew I wanted to be Mistress Lisa but I was also so intrigued by the arousal of being spanked, blindfolded, etc.

On the same idea, going from the idea of a cuckolding fetish, what do you think about FemDom and women being in the position of control?

It's interesting (at least to me)... I have always strongly identified as a submissive in role-play and BDSM encounters. I think it's because I'm such a control freak in real life that it feels completely foreign and intoxicating to be out of control during sex. However, recently I met someone that I liked very much, and after getting to know one another a little better, he let me know that he was interested in FemDom and/or cuckolding. So I've been playing around with it, and with him a little bit. Much of the time it's still terrifying to me, but it's also fun--like wearing something completely fabulous that you would never choose yourself, but that looks great on you. It's hard to explain. Overall, my philosophy on fetishes (and sexuality in general) is: if it feels good, and it doesn't hurt anyone (without their consent!), then go for it. I may not be into it, but I won't judge you--and I'll always try anything once (unless it involves kids, animals, or shit).

Of all the things you said there, you did not imply that watersports/golden showers were off limits... Is that going too far?

Watersports/golden showers... it's not exactly going too far, I think, but it does nothing for me. I would pee on someone if they asked me to, but I'm never going to initiate it and I draw a hard line at being peed on.

A "your fetish, not mine" kind of deal. Can you pinpoint what it is about your fetishes that makes them such a powerful turn on?

Not really, no. Like I said earlier, there's the idea of being out of control which is thrilling, but it's more than that. I'm a very sensual person, in the literal sense of the word. I tie emotions very strongly to encounters with my five senses, and there is just something about role-playing that helps me step off the hamster wheel in my own head and into my senses. As far as voyeurism goes... well, it's just fucking hot to watch people get each other off, right? And it's equally as hot to let them watch you.

You also said you're a voyeur. Do you like watching people in all sexual aspects including masturbation, oral, and intercourse? Don't you want to participate?

I love watching masturbation. I love it. At one time I was active in the Chaturbate community (a site where you broadcast yourself masturbating live on webcam, either for free or for pay) but haven't done that in a while. 

I like watching everything basically. Of course I want to participate, but often I find it hotter to pretend I can't. Like it's a secret and/or they don't know I'm watching. It helps that I do a lot of voyeurism via webcam, so it's hard for me to participate (although I do play along at home :)). 

As far as voyeurism goes, if sex weren't so taboo and people could separate private and professional lives, I would love to have sex and put my sex-capades on the internet as amateur porn but that is honestly a can of worms that I am not willing to open. Do you like to photo swap or video yourself with partners? I find it thrilling and love that people share that little piece of themselves with me.

I'm a HUGE fan of photo and video swapping and/or sexting. I do a ton of it with people I've met online. For the most part I am careful about not using or sending any photos with my face or identifying features, on the off chance they end up posted somewhere. I say "for the most part" because there are some people that I trust, who DO have photos of me that could be used to hurt me. I also have photos of them that I could use against them if needed.

Are your sexual interests something that you are open about or do you only share it with a select few?

No, very few of my friends know about my secret life :). If I hear someone talking about 50 Shades or BDSM, I'll occasionally bring it up tentatively, but back away quickly if I don't see a flash of recognition. I actually don't think any of my friends know about my sexual proclivities, now that I think about it. It is usually something that comes up early on when I meet a new guy or girl, in a romantic sense. I need to know that we're going to be on the same page sexually before I take things too far.

Being a fetishist, do you find that you are more or less attracted to other fetishists? Could you be with someone who didn’t really have a kinky side?

I definitely could not be with someone who wasn't at least open to my kinks. I don't want or need roleplay or public sex every time--there is a time and a place for vanilla sex too!--but without any variety, things get boring quickly. I was with someone for over a decade who wasn't sexually adventurous, and it was really tough.

I understand your struggle there. At the bare of it, I think we all have those skeletons in our closet.

What do you think of the quote: "A kink is a thrill, and a fetish is a must"?

As for that quote, to me that quote perfectly defines the clinical definition between kinks and fetishes (yeah, I do a lot of reading, I'm a nerd). A "kink" is something you enjoy doing, but a "fetish", in the clinical sense, is so all-consuming that you either can't get sexually aroused, or can't achieve orgasm, without it. By that definition, I have zero fetishes. I love sex in every way, shape, and form, and I can't imagine myself getting to a point where I HAVE to be spanked or watched or taken from behind in order to get off.

It is safe to say that every time I am spanked or taken from behind I am going to get off, though!


Is there one fetish that could potentially land you behind bars? You know, because oral and anal sex are both illegal in Louisiana.

I think my only fetish that could land me in the slammer is having sex in a public place (and I'm pretty lucky I haven't gotten caught). And of course, if we're going by puritan laws, oral and anal -- but that's not a fetish, that's just normal, right?

Normal...I don’t even know what that means, anymore.

Participating in Fetish Confessions is easy & I promise I will be gentle. Just visit me here and signup or email me

Friday, June 20, 2014

I've Slept with Fat Guys: A Snarky Rant

Yesterday I linked an article on Facebook that was about dating and the effort boys put should put into something when a girl's heart is on the line. But that isn't what this is about. Oh no. That article stirred up a conversation that infuriated me.

Someone commented and said that if I want a guy to buy me a beer, I should "look for the fattest guy at the bar" and I will find all the perfect, chivalrous traits in a guy who would want to buy me "10 beers and ask for nothing in return".

Not only did he generalize that all fat guys are nice guys but he just accused me of being shallow. Slow down puppy, you don't know me. In my experience, I have met assholes, nice guys, and creepers in all shapes, sizes, and colors.

But when it concerns who I date, who I love, and who I fuck it comes down to chemistry and interest. You're wrong if you think I only go for hot bad boys. Get over yourself.

I fuck fat guys, skinny guys, bald guys, hairy guys, geeky guys, smart guys, country guys, tall guys, short guys, submissive guys, dominant guys, quiet guys, loud guys, gingers, high school dropouts, guys with small penises, guys with big penises, older guys and younger guys. Girls could even make this list.

I'm pretty indiscriminate.

And I won't just gloss someone accusing me of otherwise.

Wednesday, June 18, 2014

Reader's Response: What Did You Do?

It really is a special thrill when people comment on blog posts outside of the blog. I get messages, and comments, and text messages and even SnapChats about posts. It makes me feel like I have ascended to bad-ass status!

Today's question comes from Twitter:

I read your post about the swinger club and BDSM night. I was curious if you included yourself or just observed.

The short answer is that I just observed...this time.

When I walked in to the bar, I was nervous and had the creepy clammy hands going on while I drained my vaporizer tank. I didn't know what to expect. Coming around the corner, I was greeted with the most erotic seen I have ever laid eyes one.

There was a beautifully naked woman on stage who was being roped and bound. She looked like she was in heaven. I was instantly drunk watching her.

Next to her, a woman was bent over the spanking benches with her skirt up around her waist.

I missed most of the party but I had never experienced anything so sensual and arousing. I didn't want to participate just then. I wanted to drink in the sights. There were flogging racks and I think I would very much like to be rigged to them one day. There were aftercare blankets because the community cares about safety and respect. It was wonderful. I will be back. I can't say I will get to participate very much as the newcomer but I will be back.

Image Credit: Boardwalk Empire

Sunday, June 15, 2014

A Place to Call Home

If you can believe it, there are still somethings that frighten me.

My snarky and bullheadedness just leaves and makes way for a girl who is unsure of herself and timid.

I recently found out that there was a swingers club in my town. Of course, in my sexual nature it intrigued me a lot but I wrote it off, thinking that I could never go there. I wouldn't go alone and I surely would find none to go with me.

But then I found the community. I found [Mostly Harmless] and he changed my life.

The "underground" BDSM community that I wanted, that I sought after had been found. It turns out they have lavish parties and meetups and are extremely active yet entirely respectable. I was invited to go to the latest party. I was terrified. I don't like being this girl who doesn't know the ropes and doesn't know what to expect. I don't like being this girl.

So I could have stayed home. I could have been beaten by my own insecurities. But instead, I took my life into my own hands and went to that swingers club for a BDSM lifestyle party. I vaped an entire tank with my vaporizer. I looked like a lost puppy. But it was worth it. I walked into the most erotic scenes of my life. This is a turning point. I feel it.

I had to tell myself again that you can't change your stars without hard work. Exploring your sexuality can be scary and it can be intimidating but I encourage you to do it. Be heteroflexible, be spanked, be tied, be anything you fucking want!

Wednesday, June 11, 2014

Reader's Response: Female Masturbation

It has been a a while since someone had a question for me to answer. I always love those nuggets of surprise in my email or in comments and messages!

Today's question was emailed in:

Women masturbation: Do most women just use their own fingers or do they prefer a dildo? Is a vibrator better than a dildo... that sort of thing.

First I feel that it is important to clarify... NOT EVERY WOMAN IS THE SAME.

There. I felt the need to yell that out to the world.

Because there are women who can finger themselves or play with their nipples, etc. to get themselves off.

I'm not one of them.

I almost exclusively require a vibrator to masturbate*.

It is a combination of my body not being sensitive to my own touches and the time and effort it can take to masturbate. I masturbate more when I'm trying to go to sleep than I do when I'm horny (do people still say horny?).

But honestly, their isn't a "most women" answer because it can vary wildly across every woman. Even the preference of dildo over vibrator would depend on if they penetrate or clit stimulate.

*Or a detachable shower head!

Monday, June 2, 2014

Guest Post: Slut or Lover? The Trials of Being Polyamorous

The story I shared last time? Happened over a decade ago. I'm now married to the man I consider my best friend and life partner. It's pretty awesome.

We've both been with other people off and on throughout our years together. Some were strong emotional connections, some were just good sex. Overall, we've had a pretty great poly experience because we have a good relationship with each other and both live very honest, open lives. And so we both always stick to the rules. If you're thinking of trying polyamoury or swinging, it's very important that you have set rules and complete honesty among all parties involved. It's up to you and your partner what those rules should be. Be prepared to change the rules later, if needed. Always speak up if you have a concern or are uncomfortable. Polyamoury is not about jealousy or manipulating others' emotions.

But today, I want to talk about some of the negative parts of living a non-monogamous lifestyle. When other people are thrown into the midst of your most intimate relationship, sometimes it doesn't all go as planned.

It's strange how some people react to the revelation that we are not monogamous. I've lost friendships over it. I've been told I should leave my husband by his concerned friends. I've, of course, been called a slut. On the flip side, sometimes it brings unwanted attentions. In my early 20s, I turned down quite a few middle-aged couples looking for a spry young lady to join them. They all took it rather gracefully, but not everyone I've rejected does. Some people seem to think that if you are non-monogamous, you must want all the sex you can possibly get. (Hello, standards?) Others, after becoming involved in a relationship with me, decided to try to convince me to leave my partner to exclusively be with them. For me, that's a complete deal-breaker. It's led to stalking (no fun, man!) and dramatic confrontations. And that's why you want to make sure everyone is 100% clear on your rules.

On the other hand, if one of your partners does develop inappropriate feelings for you, it doesn't necessarily have to turn out badly. I have had a good friend and partner recognize that he was starting to feel jealous and possessive and deal with the situation himself. I won't say there were no hurt feelings or sadness, but we remain good friends and he's also good friends with my husband.

One of the hardest parts of leading a polygamous lifestyle is the time involved in maintaining multiple relationships. If you're not having emotionally involved relationships, this is less of an issue, but still there. If you and your prospective partner can't find an hour every week or two to spend together, it might not be worth the mental/emotional strain of trying to maintain multiple healthy relationships. Because even if you don't want your extra partners to love you, you do want them to respect you.

Sweet n Sexy's disclaimer: Everything I write about is from personal experience. I am not an expert. Only you know what's right for you and your relationship. I'm just here to provide insight. Stay safe and have fun! XO