We've both been with other people off and on throughout our years together. Some were strong emotional connections, some were just good sex. Overall, we've had a pretty great poly experience because we have a good relationship with each other and both live very honest, open lives. And so we both always stick to the rules. If you're thinking of trying polyamoury or swinging, it's very important that you have set rules and complete honesty among all parties involved. It's up to you and your partner what those rules should be. Be prepared to change the rules later, if needed. Always speak up if you have a concern or are uncomfortable. Polyamoury is not about jealousy or manipulating others' emotions.
But today, I want to talk about some of the negative parts of living a non-monogamous lifestyle. When other people are thrown into the midst of your most intimate relationship, sometimes it doesn't all go as planned.It's strange how some people react to the revelation that we are not monogamous. I've lost friendships over it. I've been told I should leave my husband by his concerned friends. I've, of course, been called a slut. On the flip side, sometimes it brings unwanted attentions. In my early 20s, I turned down quite a few middle-aged couples looking for a spry young lady to join them. They all took it rather gracefully, but not everyone I've rejected does. Some people seem to think that if you are non-monogamous, you must want all the sex you can possibly get. (Hello, standards?) Others, after becoming involved in a relationship with me, decided to try to convince me to leave my partner to exclusively be with them. For me, that's a complete deal-breaker. It's led to stalking (no fun, man!) and dramatic confrontations. And that's why you want to make sure everyone is 100% clear on your rules.
On the other hand, if one of your partners does develop inappropriate feelings for you, it doesn't necessarily have to turn out badly. I have had a good friend and partner recognize that he was starting to feel jealous and possessive and deal with the situation himself. I won't say there were no hurt feelings or sadness, but we remain good friends and he's also good friends with my husband.
One of the hardest parts of leading a polygamous lifestyle is the time involved in maintaining multiple relationships. If you're not having emotionally involved relationships, this is less of an issue, but still there. If you and your prospective partner can't find an hour every week or two to spend together, it might not be worth the mental/emotional strain of trying to maintain multiple healthy relationships. Because even if you don't want your extra partners to love you, you do want them to respect you.
Sweet n Sexy's disclaimer: Everything I write about is from personal experience. I am not an expert. Only you know what's right for you and your relationship. I'm just here to provide insight. Stay safe and have fun! XO
I have been non-monogamous along side my wife for 15 years now, and I must say this is ABSOLUTELY true through and through. It is difficult for people to accept that you can be happy this way, but when you find those people you end up on cloud 9.
ReplyDeleteGreat post!