SnarkySass Adventures: Debauchery

Alright, I've been at this blogging thing for over a year now and I can't believe how awesome it has been. You guys are fucking great. You've asked questions, you've shared fantasies, explored fetishes, and I've even been thanked for sharing my experiences. Can't begin to tell you how awesome that is because words only go so far.

So this year, I want to go further. Go harder, faster, deeper, and longer. Like popping a boner pill before sexy times, I want to take you to new heights. It starts with a branding. Tacking on a name to the idea of the person that IS Snarky Sass. Hi, I'm Sabina, Sabina Harlot. I have a thing for it when people call me Bina. It tingles a little. So there. Step one, done.

The next part is acquiring things to tell you about and on the list so far is answering a question about strap-ons and squirting, just to cock tease you a little.

But, the biggest, coolest, bestest part of all is the introduction of SnarkySass Adventures.

GoFundMe Campaign SnarkySass Adventures: Debauchery

This May, I want to attend a three day sex-positive BDSM conference in North Carolina. I have already bought my ticket and a couple new outfits to be event appropriate in, but for the rest, I need your help. I'm hoping to crowd-fund my expenses to make the actual trip and stay in the hotel. If you've ever thought about my posts and wondered what the experience is like, I'm in that state of wonder right now. I'm absolutely positive nothing is going to be like this. I can't begin to fathom or imagine what I might see but what I will be able to learn from the classes (there are over 40!!) will be enough to help you guys explore and answer your questions a lot better than I can already.

I'm 28, I've never stayed in a hotel by myself or even taken a vacation for myself. I need your help to make this one tiny dream come true and I will bring back a hell of a lot of sass, the perfect amount of snark, and an overabundance of sex. I'm not a submissive by nature, doesn't mean I ain't to proud to beg. I can't tell you how much I would appreciate anything you can spare. I love you guys!

GoFundMe Campaign SnarkySass Adventures: Debauchery

Dear Sabina: So You Want to Domme?

I decided to make a change and incorporate myself into the blog in a way that utilizes my sex-scene-name. We all have our vices and our stories, Sabina is mine, and come on, I had a thing for Dear Abby when I was 10.

I read your post about being a dominatrix for the first time and it sounds so wonderful. I've wanted to do this for my husband for a long time but I'm nervous. How can I get started?

Okay, so the first thing that you have to know is that I am by no stretch of the imagination an expert on the matter. I'm not even what I would call experienced. I'm just a sadomasochist who put a lot of effort into studying how to be safe with [Aristotle] and how to really get going. I spent some time talking to someone who has been a Domme for several years and she has collared submissives.

That said, this has to really be a part of who you are. You don't have to have a Type A personality out of the gate and this may not all come naturally to you at first but you have to want it. If you are going to feel awkward and out of place, it will only hurt your morale. So start by getting into the right mindset that you are a beautiful woman, you're forceful, and the very nature of the world should bend to your will. 

Find rhythm and strength in what makes you feel comfortable. Are you going to want to be in charge, cause him/her pain, make them pleasure you? What do you want out of it? Yes, I want all of those things and that is okay, too.

If you want to make the serious jump into it, start with education and knowing the safe ways to tie or hit someone. Yes, there are rules and there are safety things it isn't all just hot kink, though it is that, too. Don't use self-cinching ties when you're getting started, they can be dangerous. Don't hit someone in the spine. It all seems like common sense but mistakes can happen.

I also recommend reading BDSM 101 which is written with a snarky attitude from the point of view from a professional submissive. It is a wonderful read and a wonderful way to get started. And join websites that provide forums for education and ideas.

And also, clothes. The right look will be a nice bolster to your confidence.

Spellbound

I write about all of the BDSM scenes that stand out. I write about the ones I do in public, the ones that change who I am, and the ones that I try for the first time. So why is it that I wouldn't want to write about this one? Why is it that I wouldn't want to write about the one that everyone wanted to ask about?

Because I don't know how it fucking happened.

I simply know that it was.

Don't give me that cynical look like you've never been swept up in a goddamn moment before. I know better. We all have. We all have moments where we look back and say, "How the hell did I end up here?"

I simply know that I was standing and talking to two of my friends at the party and I can't even remember why or what I said that was an off-handed side comment in his general direction. Just that it got his attention.

And then I simply do not know.

I know I was lucid but it was like Bette Midler had strolled up in the bar and cast a spell on me.

I'm sure it had something and everything to do with the way he talked about mental dominance and how the most sadistic thing he could do is stop.

I just know I was terrified of this man. Don't worry, it isn't like this is some big shocking confession, he knew. I remember the shock of finding myself naked. I don't remember the point when everyone else stopped existing and it was our world. And I don't know how I got there. In fact, later it would be explained to me as if he and I were the only ones that mattered, I was in a trance early on.

Then it happened. People came up again to compliment my scene and to tell me how amazing it was to watch. I had forgotten there were people there witnessing it. Each and every time I enter subspace it feels a little more like home and I love to go deeper and deeper still. I want to reach the point to where my very existence feels subliminal like a part of the cosmos. And in a scene where my mind can be given, I might get there someday.

That's Miss Sabina, to you!

Ever had one of those experiences that changes your life? Gives you confidence, strength, and ultimate power? I have and [Aristotle] gave that to me. He handed it to me on a goddamn silver platter the moment he said he wanted to submit to me.

For years, I have known that I have a dominant side in me. I've dabbled in topping and in masturbation control. It is a thrill that I feel deep inside when a man begs for my permission, generosity or mercy.

But this is what I've wanted; what I've craved.

I wanted to cause the sound of the whip. I wanted to control, demand, punish, and reward.

I haven't found a lot of men confident in their own sexuality to lose control to a woman. I've seen fear in their eyes or heard it in their voice. But then when you plant a "Get the Fuck Over Here Kiss" (trademarks pending), it makes them question their resolve. But [Aristotle], he is different.

He knew that by agreeing to meet me, he would be mine. My pleasure would come from control and his pleasure would belong to me. He showed up in a black shirt just like I told him to and everything stirred in my veins. Blood pumping hot and strong, power driving my moves, my panties getting wet, stimulus overload.

And in public, I made his face the most beautiful shade of red by making sure he knew exactly what was coming his way. I'm not the most handy person when it comes to creating things but I managed to rig a complete door jam to string my little sub to the front door. It worked beautifully and I am fucking proud of it!

I put together a sampler platter of goodies for us to try. Well, really, I wanted to try and test the waters but I needed to know what we would both like. There was a lot of shoving my wet fingers down his throat, whipping, and making sure he knew his place was beneath me and he would kneel if I said kneel. He wasn't even allowed to talk unless I decided to grant his permission.

I've never felt such a high. Never had my own excitement running down my legs.

Until then.

Our scene ended in more fantasy fulfillment when I untied him and granted him permission to pleasure me until we were a glistening heap of sexed bodies on the living room floor.

And in the moments after, I knew the side of me I'd tried to find for years.

Her name My name is Miss Sabina, and I'm fucking hott.

Reader's Response: Sexuality Concerns

I think that with this question it is important to remind people that I don't judge anyone. I take every question or every concern with the utmost respect and you can always feel free to ask me absolutely anything. I'm your safe zone because everyone fucking needs one sometimes.

My wife would like to try [pegging]. Does this have any hidden meanings about sexuality? Is she trying to tell me something?

I can't decide if you're asking if you should be concerned that she is bisexual or if this will effect your sexuality in anyway. Either way, the answer is absolutely not. Pegging has no bearing on anyone's sexuality. Straight men are still straight. Straight women are still straight.

Two things to note:

Pegging can be very empowering for women. It is a nice power exchange that allows the woman to take control and can be paired with strong fem-dom play or it can just be very sensual role reversal.

I know straight men and women who absolutely love it*. I'm an advocate for it and I would be happy to walk anyone through getting into it and set up with it.

Why are people so afraid of the fluidity of sex and sexuality, anyways?

*I also know bisexual, bi curious, and gay men and women who love it but that is obvious. But there are gay men that don't like it, for what its worth. Like I said... it isn't sexuality based. 

Life is Balance

There is never a way to get out of the inevitable balance that is life. Life is beautiful, you know I think that but sometimes it's just a bitch. I mean it. One minute you're enjoying yourself and in the very next breath you find yourself in the middle of a tornadic shit storm.

If I am honest, I am exaggerating a little bit, but it is how I feel. 

I'm in the middle of something I was afraid to feel. I'm in the middle of a sub drop.

A sub drop is (and its equally opposite top drop but I can't talk about that) when the all the endorphins that are pumping through your body through and after a scene bottom out and dissipate. It is an emotional and a physical state stress.

After a weekend of fun, scenes, friends, booze, and sex I feel empty. I don't like it. I don't want this. I want to bask in after glows and happiness. Instead of that, at 2AM I'm asking someone what the hell is happening to me.

There are a lot reactions that each individual could feel from bitchy, needy, whiny, lonely, etc. What I feel or more prominently when the drop first occurred I was very scared, reclusive, confused and I didn't want to be touched. I was unsure of everything about myself. It is a very ugly place to be.

And also extremely apologetic. I felt like I corrupted the world and it was all my fault.

Aftercare, which isn't something I have really talked about, can help curb this and help bring you down safely but it isn't a foolproof resolve. I will write about that too, but the cosmos had to fucking know about the ugly side of this. The part that says everything is in fucking a balance and just to get over it.

Also, writing helped. So there is that.

Fetish Confessions: Mistress Lisa

Today I have the pleasure of talking to a fellow female. Someone who can appreciate the power behind a woman in charge. You win yourself a lot favor with me if you understand the reference behind her name, if you don't know, you'll find out. Joining me today is Mistress Lisa.

Mistress Lisa's fetishes: Cuckolding, RP, BDSM, and voyeurism.

How long have these been a thing for you?

I've been interested in voyeurism since I was a teenager. I remember watching some scrambled Cinemax porn, and then later finding some movies in my parents' room (not home movies, ugh--just old porn tapes) and being very intrigued by the idea of watching other people have sex, or letting people watch me.

Sadly, I didn't get into the idea of BDSM and roleplaying until I was an adult and read (again, ugh) 50 Shades of Grey, which is an awful, horrible book and yet I could not explain why it turned me on. Intrigued, I began googling for other books that might explore the same themes and came across the most influential thing that I've ever encountered, sexually: Anne Rice's "Sleeping Beauty" trilogy. This was the catalyst for a lot of major life changes for me, one of which was realizing that I was turned on by some bizarre things, that that was okay, and that it was time for me to explore them.

For the record, if you like Sleeping Beauty, Anne Rice also wrote "Exit to Eden" and it was turned into a movie in the 90s. My first movie with sex and my first introduction to BDSM and whipping. It changed my life. I knew I wanted to be Mistress Lisa but I was also so intrigued by the arousal of being spanked, blindfolded, etc.

On the same idea, going from the idea of a cuckolding fetish, what do you think about FemDom and women being in the position of control?

It's interesting (at least to me)... I have always strongly identified as a submissive in role-play and BDSM encounters. I think it's because I'm such a control freak in real life that it feels completely foreign and intoxicating to be out of control during sex. However, recently I met someone that I liked very much, and after getting to know one another a little better, he let me know that he was interested in FemDom and/or cuckolding. So I've been playing around with it, and with him a little bit. Much of the time it's still terrifying to me, but it's also fun--like wearing something completely fabulous that you would never choose yourself, but that looks great on you. It's hard to explain. Overall, my philosophy on fetishes (and sexuality in general) is: if it feels good, and it doesn't hurt anyone (without their consent!), then go for it. I may not be into it, but I won't judge you--and I'll always try anything once (unless it involves kids, animals, or shit).

Of all the things you said there, you did not imply that watersports/golden showers were off limits... Is that going too far?

Watersports/golden showers... it's not exactly going too far, I think, but it does nothing for me. I would pee on someone if they asked me to, but I'm never going to initiate it and I draw a hard line at being peed on.

A "your fetish, not mine" kind of deal. Can you pinpoint what it is about your fetishes that makes them such a powerful turn on?

Not really, no. Like I said earlier, there's the idea of being out of control which is thrilling, but it's more than that. I'm a very sensual person, in the literal sense of the word. I tie emotions very strongly to encounters with my five senses, and there is just something about role-playing that helps me step off the hamster wheel in my own head and into my senses. As far as voyeurism goes... well, it's just fucking hot to watch people get each other off, right? And it's equally as hot to let them watch you.

You also said you're a voyeur. Do you like watching people in all sexual aspects including masturbation, oral, and intercourse? Don't you want to participate?

I love watching masturbation. I love it. At one time I was active in the Chaturbate community (a site where you broadcast yourself masturbating live on webcam, either for free or for pay) but haven't done that in a while. 

I like watching everything basically. Of course I want to participate, but often I find it hotter to pretend I can't. Like it's a secret and/or they don't know I'm watching. It helps that I do a lot of voyeurism via webcam, so it's hard for me to participate (although I do play along at home :)). 

As far as voyeurism goes, if sex weren't so taboo and people could separate private and professional lives, I would love to have sex and put my sex-capades on the internet as amateur porn but that is honestly a can of worms that I am not willing to open. Do you like to photo swap or video yourself with partners? I find it thrilling and love that people share that little piece of themselves with me.

I'm a HUGE fan of photo and video swapping and/or sexting. I do a ton of it with people I've met online. For the most part I am careful about not using or sending any photos with my face or identifying features, on the off chance they end up posted somewhere. I say "for the most part" because there are some people that I trust, who DO have photos of me that could be used to hurt me. I also have photos of them that I could use against them if needed.

Are your sexual interests something that you are open about or do you only share it with a select few?

No, very few of my friends know about my secret life :). If I hear someone talking about 50 Shades or BDSM, I'll occasionally bring it up tentatively, but back away quickly if I don't see a flash of recognition. I actually don't think any of my friends know about my sexual proclivities, now that I think about it. It is usually something that comes up early on when I meet a new guy or girl, in a romantic sense. I need to know that we're going to be on the same page sexually before I take things too far.

Being a fetishist, do you find that you are more or less attracted to other fetishists? Could you be with someone who didn’t really have a kinky side?

I definitely could not be with someone who wasn't at least open to my kinks. I don't want or need roleplay or public sex every time--there is a time and a place for vanilla sex too!--but without any variety, things get boring quickly. I was with someone for over a decade who wasn't sexually adventurous, and it was really tough.

I understand your struggle there. At the bare of it, I think we all have those skeletons in our closet.

What do you think of the quote: "A kink is a thrill, and a fetish is a must"?

As for that quote, to me that quote perfectly defines the clinical definition between kinks and fetishes (yeah, I do a lot of reading, I'm a nerd). A "kink" is something you enjoy doing, but a "fetish", in the clinical sense, is so all-consuming that you either can't get sexually aroused, or can't achieve orgasm, without it. By that definition, I have zero fetishes. I love sex in every way, shape, and form, and I can't imagine myself getting to a point where I HAVE to be spanked or watched or taken from behind in order to get off.

It is safe to say that every time I am spanked or taken from behind I am going to get off, though!

BONUS QUESTION!

Is there one fetish that could potentially land you behind bars? You know, because oral and anal sex are both illegal in Louisiana.

I think my only fetish that could land me in the slammer is having sex in a public place (and I'm pretty lucky I haven't gotten caught). And of course, if we're going by puritan laws, oral and anal -- but that's not a fetish, that's just normal, right?

Normal...I don’t even know what that means, anymore.

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Participating in Fetish Confessions is easy & I promise I will be gentle. Just visit me here and signup or email me! ❤

Fetish Confessions: Teddy Bear Part 2

The last time I was talking to Teddy Bear, we were discussing the different fetishes that he has and what is so amazingly hot about them. This time we're dealing with the tender stuff. The fragile nature of sharing those fetishes with your partner and if he can even have a partner that can't accept them.

Is your fetish lifestyle something that you are open about or do you only share it with a select few?

I am open about it with my closest friends and lovers. I think society teaches us to be ashamed of sex when its something that should be regarded as beautiful and spiritual. That said, I think sex/fetishes are something that should be personal in some ways. For example, I don't think one should embrace their fetishes/sexuality to the point of becoming dangerously promiscuous (in terms of STD's, not respecting one's own emotional worth or needs, etc.). Fetishes are things that are personal and should be shared intimately. And just to clarify to your readers, I consider what you do with your blog to be extremely intimate. Intimacy doesn't mean sharing only with one or few people. Intimacy is sharing with people who want to understand you and who want to experience a part of your deepest self in a genuine sense. When we can share our fetishes with others (sometimes even strangers), it can be deeply intimate if they truly appreciate what you're revealing to them and if they return that intimacy by sharing something of themselves. So, I guess even my perception of intimacy is about vulnerability in the masculine and feminine....

Speaking of what I do here, something that I have heard since I've been talking about things like this, is that I am brave. Do you ever feel, after sharing your fetishes, that you are vulnerable? Open for criticism?

I feel like I am vulnerable, yes, because I'm letting people know some of the most intimate parts of me. But I don't feel like I'm open for criticism. My sexual nature is my own and as long as I'm not hurting myself or others, nobody has a right to "criticize" my fetishes. I know my opinion on that is strongly influenced by having to deal with the repercussions of coming out, especially in a repressive, rural culture. Now if a partner wants to criticize my technique, that's totally fine (and I expect them to!). But criticizing my fetishes isn't something I'm interested in entertaining for others. I just think that's a dangerous path to secretly let the rampant sexual repression of our culture come into the conversation.

When do you try confide in/try it out with a new partner?

Honestly, from the beginning. I've made the mistake of not discussing it upfront with some partners (trust me....don't do that!). You have to know if your partner can accept your fetishes and if they can help you fulfill them (directly or indirectly). My current partner is a psych major and he has tried to psychoanalyze my fetishes when we've tried to engage in them. That kills the mood for me every time. However, I appreciate the fact that he's tried to engage in my fetishes to know who I am on a deeper level. Because we feel we're perfect for each other on almost every other level, we compromised to expand our relationship to polyamory for the right additional partners. Your partner should ALWAYS be willing to help meet your needs (and vice-versa); this was our way of doing that.

Would you say that you’re only attracted to people who can share in that with you? I know I am turned off by people who don't want to explore or even participate in the most tame fetishes. I have to be able to explore this side of me and I want a partner who has a similar side.

Definitely. Having spent so much of my teen years repressing who I was from those I cared about, I have no interest in doing that now. And we shouldn't have to repress ourselves...we should express ourselves! (Cue Madonna in my head.... Oi, I'm such a queer sometimes....) :-) That said, they don't have to fully engage in my fetishes, but they have to attempt to understand, accept, and embrace them in their own way.

Do you still enjoy “vanilla” sex or is the fetish a must now?

I do still enjoy vanilla sex because of the intimacy it creates between my partner and I. However, I'm attracted to vanilla sex because of him and my connection to him, not because I enjoy vanilla sex itself. So in some ways, fetish is a must now. I view sex as another way to bond with people, though, so this helps me transcend my need for fetish.

How do you feel about this saying: “A kink is a thrill, and a fetish is a must”?

I suppose it depends on how we define these things. There are certainly things that are musts and things that are just thrills (i.e., optional). In that sense, I totally agree with the statement, and it helps give a definition to what kinks and fetishes are (something that is hard to do in the kink/fetish community, I think).

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Participating in Fetish Confessions is easy & I promise I will be gentle. Just visit me here and signup or email me! ❤