Friday, May 30, 2014

Fetish Confessions: Teddy Bear Part 2

The last time I was talking to Teddy Bear, we were discussing the different fetishes that he has and what is so amazingly hot about them. This time we're dealing with the tender stuff. The fragile nature of sharing those fetishes with your partner and if he can even have a partner that can't accept them.

Is your fetish lifestyle something that you are open about or do you only share it with a select few?

I am open about it with my closest friends and lovers. I think society teaches us to be ashamed of sex when its something that should be regarded as beautiful and spiritual. That said, I think sex/fetishes are something that should be personal in some ways. For example, I don't think one should embrace their fetishes/sexuality to the point of becoming dangerously promiscuous (in terms of STD's, not respecting one's own emotional worth or needs, etc.). Fetishes are things that are personal and should be shared intimately. And just to clarify to your readers, I consider what you do with your blog to be extremely intimate. Intimacy doesn't mean sharing only with one or few people. Intimacy is sharing with people who want to understand you and who want to experience a part of your deepest self in a genuine sense. When we can share our fetishes with others (sometimes even strangers), it can be deeply intimate if they truly appreciate what you're revealing to them and if they return that intimacy by sharing something of themselves. So, I guess even my perception of intimacy is about vulnerability in the masculine and feminine....

Speaking of what I do here, something that I have heard since I've been talking about things like this, is that I am brave. Do you ever feel, after sharing your fetishes, that you are vulnerable? Open for criticism?

I feel like I am vulnerable, yes, because I'm letting people know some of the most intimate parts of me. But I don't feel like I'm open for criticism. My sexual nature is my own and as long as I'm not hurting myself or others, nobody has a right to "criticize" my fetishes. I know my opinion on that is strongly influenced by having to deal with the repercussions of coming out, especially in a repressive, rural culture. Now if a partner wants to criticize my technique, that's totally fine (and I expect them to!). But criticizing my fetishes isn't something I'm interested in entertaining for others. I just think that's a dangerous path to secretly let the rampant sexual repression of our culture come into the conversation.

When do you try confide in/try it out with a new partner?

Honestly, from the beginning. I've made the mistake of not discussing it upfront with some partners (trust me....don't do that!). You have to know if your partner can accept your fetishes and if they can help you fulfill them (directly or indirectly). My current partner is a psych major and he has tried to psychoanalyze my fetishes when we've tried to engage in them. That kills the mood for me every time. However, I appreciate the fact that he's tried to engage in my fetishes to know who I am on a deeper level. Because we feel we're perfect for each other on almost every other level, we compromised to expand our relationship to polyamory for the right additional partners. Your partner should ALWAYS be willing to help meet your needs (and vice-versa); this was our way of doing that.

Would you say that you’re only attracted to people who can share in that with you? I know I am turned off by people who don't want to explore or even participate in the most tame fetishes. I have to be able to explore this side of me and I want a partner who has a similar side.

Definitely. Having spent so much of my teen years repressing who I was from those I cared about, I have no interest in doing that now. And we shouldn't have to repress ourselves...we should express ourselves! (Cue Madonna in my head.... Oi, I'm such a queer sometimes....) :-) That said, they don't have to fully engage in my fetishes, but they have to attempt to understand, accept, and embrace them in their own way.

Do you still enjoy “vanilla” sex or is the fetish a must now?

I do still enjoy vanilla sex because of the intimacy it creates between my partner and I. However, I'm attracted to vanilla sex because of him and my connection to him, not because I enjoy vanilla sex itself. So in some ways, fetish is a must now. I view sex as another way to bond with people, though, so this helps me transcend my need for fetish.

How do you feel about this saying: “A kink is a thrill, and a fetish is a must”?

I suppose it depends on how we define these things. There are certainly things that are musts and things that are just thrills (i.e., optional). In that sense, I totally agree with the statement, and it helps give a definition to what kinks and fetishes are (something that is hard to do in the kink/fetish community, I think).

Participating in Fetish Confessions is easy & I promise I will be gentle. Just visit me here and signup or email me

Tuesday, May 27, 2014

Subspace Nine

Sometimes you have to allow your sexual journey to flow. Or sometimes you have to grab it by the balls and say I'm going to get laid. It was more the latter of those choices when I decided to say yes and get together with [Mostly Harmless].

This meeting though was about a little more than just sex. I was willing and actively seeking to engage in some S&M. I wanted to submit to someone. I wanted to put my body in their hands. I wanted to be punished. And it started with this, a line so dominating in its simplicity, and I was his:

 The next person who shall make you cum is me.And no other. Yourself included.

I didn't know what to do.

I was not scared. But I was nervous. I was lost.

That was when I showed up wearing only my too-short dress, my leather boots, and a willing attitude.

He taught me about safety. He explored my body. And my dominant side shut the fuck up. She let him take her.

And it went that I was whipped. I was spanked, paddled, and flogged. My flesh pricked and teased.

I have never had such a more blissful experience.

That's when I learned about subspace.
In a D/s relationship, [subspace is a] very special place the submissive enters when he/she totally trusts his/her Dominant, and totally immerses in an intense scene. The sub may not be capable of making rational decisions about his/her safety and well-being at this point. It is the responsibility of the Dom to provide for the welfare of his/her sub, as he/she has trusted him to do. It is also the Dom's responsibility after the scene to help the sub to return to "vanilla space" after the scene. This entails providing both physical and emotional assurance to the sub, until he/she regains his/her sense of self, and is known as, "aftercare".
It had been so long since someone had cared about my experience instead of what was just between my legs that I was drunk on endorphins. I let my soul connect to the pain and beat some of the negativity out of me. And when he introduced me to a wartenberg wheel, I had found a simple addiction. It was the was the same high that I would get from a tattoo needle sawing across my flesh.

I couldn't think straight. I couldn't SEE straight. And I was loud.

And as we lay there, waiting for my sanity to bring me back to reality I was warm, cuddled, and petted. We talked and touched and slowly the world came back but I was exhausted, beyond empty.

It was the most sexually satisfied I've ever been without having intercourse and I see the beauty in that. I can't even be sassy about it because I left her at home. That night was about the other side of me and that is okay, too.

Thursday, May 22, 2014

Fetish Confessions: Teddy Bear Part I

I can't tell you how beyond orgasmically excited I am to finally be able to share this feature with you guys. I have had the esteemed pleasure of talking to some seriously brave folks about their behind-closed-doors secrets and it has been so amazing.

What you can expect to see in this series is people just like you and me who have decided they wanted to share their most intimate secrets. I've had a lot of fun bestowing names upon all of them and this will be completely anonymous on their parts. Please remember that if you want to participate you can always reach me by email or the contact form. I want to talk to you! As a note though, I like to talk to you guys and I get carried away, so you may see some or most of these interviews in two parts. Sorry, not sorry.

I'm not going to edge this conversation anymore. Without further ado.

My first little freak is Teddy Bear.

Teddy Bear's Fetishes: Bondage and being bound to the point of pain, nipples, feral/primal/bear, power play & wrestling, machines.

How long have these been a thing for you?

I first started exploring these fetishes in-depth when I was 19. I was in undergrad, out on my own for the first time, and I had just gotten my own private room at college (so I could look at prons without roommate interruptions!). Before then, I had explored them on my own, but it wasn't to a great degree since I grew up in a very rural area that had no exposure to these sorts of things.

Growing up in a similar location, I totally understand the no exposure. I had a friend all the way across the country order my first vibrator and mail it to me. Do you feel like it stunted your sexual growth or do you feel it supercharged you in a way?

Neither, actually. I think my sexual nature is who I have always been and who I would always grow up to become. I believe it was just a question of when I would explore it and who I explored it with. I can say having supportive friends to discuss these things with helped me feel more comfortable about embracing my sexual nature and nurturing it, though.

Do you remember when you first discovered this?

It seems I've been interested in bondage, nipples, power play, machines and wrestling ever since I was a kid, actually. I remember being a kid and watching cartoons or movies where the hero would get captured and I would be thinking "I wish I could struggle like that" or "if only I could save him by offering myself up to be captured." Of course, I wasn't thinking about the sexual nature of these things as a kid, but, as I grew into an adult, those thoughts changed and grew into sexual thoughts. (Btw, after reflecting on the 80's [when I grew up], it seems it was RIFE with homoerotic cartoons and movies.....)

Discovering my feral/primal nature during sex was not until my mid-20's. This side of me was always there, but it wasn't until I realized that I needed to merge my sexual and spiritual sides that this became a reality for me. This one wasn't so much discovered as it was an evolution of my being.

Can you pinpoint what it is about some of these that make them such a powerful turn on?

Being gay, I am very attracted to iconic masculine imagery. Images of masculine power are extremely beautiful, erotic, and spiritual to me. However, take that masculine power and restrain it or bend it to someone else's desires....and THAT is a powerful turn on to me. I enjoy seeing powerful males (myself and others) forced to accept the power/will of others. I never want to see a man emasculated, as that would be sacrilegious in my eyes (power is to be respected and nurtured, not destroyed). By that same token, I never want to see a woman defeminized (odd how there isn't a female equivalent of emasculate, isn't it?....)

The power behind nipples for me is because mine are totally wired. :-) For me, this fetish is mostly biological (i.e., nerve endings and responses), but there is also a spiritual/emotional aspect of nipples that fascinates me. In particular, when a man or woman lactates, that can be extremely erotic to me (especially male lactation). A HUGE fantasy of mine would be to have my strength slowly drained through men nursing from me. Part of that has to do with my nurturing personality, but it combines powerfully with my sexual/erotic side when considering my other fetishes.

Lactation is such a turn-on. I completely agree. But I could gush about it on a confession of its own. Gush, see what I did there! good gush deserves another! ;-) As for the machine aspect, this is a powerful turn on because machines can be relentless about making a man submit to them (i.e., the draining of stamina/willpower/strength and forced to bend to the will of another). The machine is just a tool to hasten or amplify this process in my eyes.

Have you had any experience with machines?

Only in watching porn.... /sigh. There used to be a site called that was pretty hot. I think it was rolled under the umbrella, though. There's a similar site there devoted to females and machines!

Another thing about why the bondage and power play is such a big thing for me.... It's because I WANT to be vulnerable to my partner. I want them to revel in the fact that I let myself be put in a position where my power was taken away by them and I want them to APPRECIATE the fact that I was willing to make myself vulnerable to them. Because I identify as such a strong person, I think this is one of the most precious things I could give someone...and they better damn well appreciate it! :-)

Because sometimes, you just have to have someone’s hand around your throat. Oh. I’m sorry, is that just me?!

Oh, sometimes I want someone's hand around my throat....sometimes I want my hand around theirs.... And when papa bear wants that, y'all better watch out.... /grin

Wednesday, May 14, 2014

Further Down the Rabbit Hole

I have a lot of interesting fetishes. I love exploring who I am and what I enjoy. But I recently uncovered that if sexuality were a swimming pool, while I've done more than get my feet wet, I'm still toeing the shallow end of sex and fetishes and there is a lot more to go.

What I thought I knew:
I am a Dom/sub (D/s) Switch who wants bondage, biting, choking, and to explore pegging...while wearing boots.

What I realized was that I don't really know anything.

I also know now that things are about to get steamy around here.

First of all, I don't live the lifestyle. In a lot of D/s relationships, it is a complete lifestyle choice and they live it when they can inside and outside of the bedroom. I don't do that. I will be a strong and independent women outside in the real world while maybe I like to have someone spank me behind closed doors. Or maybe I want to bend a man over, and make him mine in every way. But that is still behind closed doors. That makes all the difference.

For everything else, it is overwhelming to fall into a world where things are very niche. And everything is made into acronyms. AB/DL (Adult Baby/Diaper Lover), CD TV (Cross Dressing Transvestite, DDF (Disease & Drug Free), and those are only the ones that I have had to figure out for myself. Some of them are self-explanatory, some of them are things that I didn't know were things, some are just interesting.

But it is all beautiful. Completely overwhelming and beautiful. People being exactly who they want to be.

A lot of people that I have the pleasure of talking to have these fetishes but are embarrassed by them and have trouble talking about them. I'm here to help. I want to tell you I don't have judgments and I'm not critical. I'm a freak, too. 

I cannot wait to explore this and continue talking about fetishes with the people that have them.

Image Credit: Suzi9mm

Sunday, May 11, 2014

The Internet is for Porn

At some point in the relatively recent past, I mentioned that I watched porn. I watch a fair amount of porn although the amount of erotic literature that I have read is astronomical in comparison. But we're talking the hot, the steamy, the 

There is no fucking shame in a woman watching and getting off to porn!

There. I said it. Now you can toss your opinions around about it all you want. The porn industry has always been a source of problems. People claiming that women are objectified or that it is immoral. Hey guess what, women humans are always going to be objectified. The industry today is full of gorgeous, willing participants that enjoy sex and enjoy the ability to escape into a role and perform.

I've even made some.

No you can't find it on the internet. No you can't watch it. No I won't share.

But there is nothing immoral about porn. People have sex, get over it.

Some people, like me, like to watch people have sex. I particularly like to watch women get eaten out, that is why I watch a lot of lesbian porn. But porn gets to fuel my imagination. If I have thought about, there is probably a porn for it. On any random day I may be in the mood for speculum porn, femdom, for incest porn, for brutal gang-bangs or prison porn. Most days I am in the mood for pegging porn. I'm a naughty bitch when it comes to what I watch.

And that's okay. 

I feel like I should also mention that I don't own a porn collection. I (literally) have the internet at my fingertips and... PornHub: there's an app for that.

Tuesday, May 6, 2014

Guest Post: You Can Have Your Cake & Eat It Too!

When I left for college, I was about to celebrate my 2 year anniversary with my fiance, who had just turned 21. I moved to a different state to pursue my education. He didn't come. He didn't even go get a driver's license so he could come visit me. But he wanted me to come see him as much as possible and wait in my room for him to call me after classes. 

During my second week of classes, a classmate handed me a flyer for a club meeting. I was interested and excited and that afternoon I told Fiance about the club and how I was going to go. He got really upset and accused me of cheating on him because I wanted to make friends. 

Over the next few weeks, our phone calls started to always end with him upset at me, me upset for him being upset. I started drinking occasionally, causing more fights because he was straight edge. I went home for a weekend and got a tattoo at an appointment I'd made months before. We spent the rest of the weekend arguing. I went back to school, trying to push it all out of my mind.

Within a couple of weeks, I ended up "hooking up" with another guy. I went back home to break up with Fiance in person after several more painful phone calls. He threatened to kill himself. I left anyways. I knew by that point that he'd been manipulating me for a while. I also figured out why he was constantly do jealous of my attentions. He had figured out something about me that no one else had, not even me: I wasn't straight. I love women. And I love men. But really, most of all, I love brains. I adore compassion. I crave wit. And I'm an extremely passionate person. 

Over the next few months, I spent time exploring who I was, who I wanted to be. I knew that I never wanted to feel controlled or trapped in a relationship again. For a while, I thought that meant not being in a relationship at all. I had a FWB and other people to pass the time with, but my FWB made it very clear that he would not be in a relationship with me, even though we cared for each other deeply.

After several months of discovering myself (and my first orgasms!) a friend that I'd met earlier in the school year started spending more time with me. We exchanged comic books and discovered we shared the same favorite author. I began to see him in a different light. We started hanging out at least once a week. I remember the first time we had "the talk". We were standing outside his apartment, smoking cigarettes on the balcony. He had just told me he'd never had an actual girlfriend before, and so I told him about Fiance. I leaned on the railing between sentences, took a drag, and evenly said "I could never be in a relationship with someone who told me I couldn't be with other people. I think monogamy is unnatural and wrong. It's definitely wrong for me." My heart pounding, terrified that I'd just lost this chance at a relationship, let alone our friendship. He sighed in a relieved way. "Me too. The human animal is not inherently monogamous." 

A few weeks later, we had our first date. He made me cum three times that first night.

Image Credit: Relevant Magazine & Stephan Speaks

Saturday, May 3, 2014

Reader Response: Big Beautiful Women

I love talking to the you guys. You have some of the most thought provoking ideas and the conversations just blossom. They lead to questions and then you and I keep coming back to each other.

Today's question is from such a conversation that I had with a friend and reader:

I don't like the pluz-size girl fetish. If someone likes me, I don't want it do be because of my weight but because of me. What are your thoughts on being a BBW?

Well, I know that I am a big and beautiful woman and after 20-something years, I am okay with that. I am okay with my body and I am okay with its flaws. With that said, I'm also okay with the BBW fetish. At least we're out of the cushion for the pushin' phase of this fetish.

That doesn't mean that there isn't a right way and a wrong way to handle it.

WRONG: Hey, you're hott. I only fuck fat chicks, they turn me on.

RIGHT: Please, don't worry about your weight; I think you are absolutely stunning/beautiful/etc.

For the record, I have BnT fetishes. Big and Tall or Bearded and Tattooed, take your pick. 

I think that in the end, we all want to be able to say that the physical aspects of someone don't matter that it is what is on the inside that counts but it isn't always like that. Certain physical features of people turn us on or off and we have to accept that about ourselves and others.

And, come on. That picture is a BBW-half-naked-librarian. I couldn't resist.

Image credit: