If Two is a Party...

They say three is a crowd but I'm going to go out on a limb here and just disagree with that statement. And yes, this is going exactly where you think it is going.

Because threesomes rock.

In the time that I took off and was having all that wild, whore-like sex in December, a lot of it was new experiences that I had never had before. I learned some awesome things about how polyamorous couples work, the dynamic in threesomes, and just how well boner performance pills actually work.

The sex was quite literally the best of my life. It isn't just another notch on the bedpost or simply worth bragging about. A lot of people want to know how it happened. Well, much like everything of a semi-sexual nature it just did. It just happened.

I fell into the stereotypical bisexual girl situation. You know, the one where everyone thinks that just because you might not be completely straight that you want to join in on their couple action? Yeah. It was me and a married couple. Again, it just sort of happened.

I know a lot of people thought that there would be some big elaborate scheme cooked up here. Something exciting like joining the Swingers Lifestyle (which I did do) and went to some wild get-together house orgy or something and we ended up together (which I didn't do). That's what most people think of. But it started with a simple, "Hey, would you like someone to come get you off?" and permission from the lady part of the equation.

Who turns down something like that!

Two days later the three of us were in a BDSM scene. Naked, bruised, but quite open for anything to happen I was told to "Climb on" and I did. Then I asked to kiss her, too. And for the next 6 hours, it was nothing less than an amazing BDSM fuckfest.

But the thing to remember is that I didn't approach one or the other about any of this. I was told I was attractive and invited to have sex with him. I refused until I spoke directly to her. Before it was a threesome and she was watching me have sex with her husband, she was giving me explicit permission. Drama isn't something that I'm into. It doesn't get me off to be your dirty secret or anything like that.

So yeah, threesomes can just happen. They can just happen to you, too. But if you drop the ball on communicating what it is you want, it is your dick on the chopping block.

Guest Post: Slut or Lover? The Trials of Being Polyamorous

The story I shared last time? Happened over a decade ago. I'm now married to the man I consider my best friend and life partner. It's pretty awesome.

We've both been with other people off and on throughout our years together. Some were strong emotional connections, some were just good sex. Overall, we've had a pretty great poly experience because we have a good relationship with each other and both live very honest, open lives. And so we both always stick to the rules. If you're thinking of trying polyamoury or swinging, it's very important that you have set rules and complete honesty among all parties involved. It's up to you and your partner what those rules should be. Be prepared to change the rules later, if needed. Always speak up if you have a concern or are uncomfortable. Polyamoury is not about jealousy or manipulating others' emotions.

But today, I want to talk about some of the negative parts of living a non-monogamous lifestyle. When other people are thrown into the midst of your most intimate relationship, sometimes it doesn't all go as planned.

It's strange how some people react to the revelation that we are not monogamous. I've lost friendships over it. I've been told I should leave my husband by his concerned friends. I've, of course, been called a slut. On the flip side, sometimes it brings unwanted attentions. In my early 20s, I turned down quite a few middle-aged couples looking for a spry young lady to join them. They all took it rather gracefully, but not everyone I've rejected does. Some people seem to think that if you are non-monogamous, you must want all the sex you can possibly get. (Hello, standards?) Others, after becoming involved in a relationship with me, decided to try to convince me to leave my partner to exclusively be with them. For me, that's a complete deal-breaker. It's led to stalking (no fun, man!) and dramatic confrontations. And that's why you want to make sure everyone is 100% clear on your rules.

On the other hand, if one of your partners does develop inappropriate feelings for you, it doesn't necessarily have to turn out badly. I have had a good friend and partner recognize that he was starting to feel jealous and possessive and deal with the situation himself. I won't say there were no hurt feelings or sadness, but we remain good friends and he's also good friends with my husband.

One of the hardest parts of leading a polygamous lifestyle is the time involved in maintaining multiple relationships. If you're not having emotionally involved relationships, this is less of an issue, but still there. If you and your prospective partner can't find an hour every week or two to spend together, it might not be worth the mental/emotional strain of trying to maintain multiple healthy relationships. Because even if you don't want your extra partners to love you, you do want them to respect you.

Sweet n Sexy's disclaimer: Everything I write about is from personal experience. I am not an expert. Only you know what's right for you and your relationship. I'm just here to provide insight. Stay safe and have fun! XO