The Art & My Lack Thereof of Self-Seduction

It is no big secret that I currently sell sex toys for a living. I like the opportunity that it affords me to find things that might help people get their rocks off. The one thing that I have come to realize is that people want to know what you like; what gets you off. Maybe they think they're doing it wrong. Maybe they only want to talk to someone who fucking gets it.

But you know my secret? I suck at masturbating.

I've been asked to masturbate on camera, send pictures, etc. but I always say no. Because watching grass grow is going to be more exciting than watching me masturbate. I can promise you that.

I don't like to seduce myself. My body doesn't react to my touch the way it will to someone else. I can't touch my ears and make my whole body tingle. I can't light my nipples on fire with my tongue. I've never once been able to convince myself to get off with my fingers. What I like...and what I need...is for my masturbation sessions to be over quickly. 20 seconds is fine for me.

I can still recommend you the best realistic dildo there is, but stop asking which one I would use. If I am going to use a realistic dildo, it is going to be a real fucking penis attached to a living breathing person. Otherwise, sorry boys but penises aren't that pretty.

I can still tell you which rabbit is going to be the best, do the most, and have the best quality but I don't like them and I won't use them. As a sidenote, the beaded ones freak me out.

But if you want a good clit toy, oh girl, I've got you. My clit toys are all valued somewhere over $300 if you totaled them all up. And they're all different. Because when I am by myself, and it is just me, that is really all that matters. I like to lay there with the vibrations literally in hand, watch porn or read a story, get off, and sleep. That is what I want.

I'm not sorry that isn't sexy enough for you.

Subspace Nine

Sometimes you have to allow your sexual journey to flow. Or sometimes you have to grab it by the balls and say I'm going to get laid. It was more the latter of those choices when I decided to say yes and get together with [Mostly Harmless].

This meeting though was about a little more than just sex. I was willing and actively seeking to engage in some S&M. I wanted to submit to someone. I wanted to put my body in their hands. I wanted to be punished. And it started with this, a line so dominating in its simplicity, and I was his:


 The next person who shall make you cum is me.And no other. Yourself included.


I didn't know what to do.

I was not scared. But I was nervous. I was lost.

That was when I showed up wearing only my too-short dress, my leather boots, and a willing attitude.

He taught me about safety. He explored my body. And my dominant side shut the fuck up. She let him take her.

And it went that I was whipped. I was spanked, paddled, and flogged. My flesh pricked and teased.

I have never had such a more blissful experience.

That's when I learned about subspace.

In a D/s relationship, [subspace is a] very special place the submissive enters when he/she totally trusts his/her Dominant, and totally immerses in an intense scene. The sub may not be capable of making rational decisions about his/her safety and well-being at this point. It is the responsibility of the Dom to provide for the welfare of his/her sub, as he/she has trusted him to do. It is also the Dom's responsibility after the scene to help the sub to return to "vanilla space" after the scene. This entails providing both physical and emotional assurance to the sub, until he/she regains his/her sense of self, and is known as, "aftercare".

It had been so long since someone had cared about my experience instead of what was just between my legs that I was drunk on endorphins. I let my soul connect to the pain and beat some of the negativity out of me. And when he introduced me to a wartenberg wheel, I had found a simple addiction. It was the was the same high that I would get from a tattoo needle sawing across my flesh.

I couldn't think straight. I couldn't SEE straight. And I was loud.

And as we lay there, waiting for my sanity to bring me back to reality I was warm, cuddled, and petted. We talked and touched and slowly the world came back but I was exhausted, beyond empty.

It was the most sexually satisfied I've ever been without having intercourse and I see the beauty in that. I can't even be sassy about it because I left her at home. That night was about the other side of me and that is okay, too.

The White Elephant in the Room: I Masturbate

Being my normal bookworm self, I was reading a book Hooking Up (there are plenty, I don't recommend this one) and it was talking about how humiliated the author was about saying she masturbated and I realized holy shit, this is a real problem. I used to be the same exact same way.

What happened? What changed? What makes it so easy for me to say:

I masturbate!

Generally speaking, its kind of expected for guys to masturbate but girls its an interesting thing. For one, there are SO MANY toys that we have to choose from. Bullets, rabbits, and silicone; and it can all be very overwhelming. Not to mention men totally spank the nanky to videos of girls masturbating. But yet it still is a little shocking when girls admit to twiddling themselves. 

Get over it, dudes. 

Girls, grow some ovaries and admit to it!

It doesn't matter what your reason or what your style (toys are a must for me, before you ask), just accept that masturbation is part of a healthy sex life/drive. I will use this time to say that I often masturbate to make myself get tired enough to go to sleep. Very rarely Never does masturbating help calm my sexytime nerves but I will certainly put it to the test if I can't get up with a partner. Those are really my only two reasons unless you count the occasional sexting session or phone sex. At which point, yes, I really am touching myself. 

Should I share my self-discovery story? Should I tell you that there was a boy I was totally crushing on in high school that kept encouraging me and "tutoring" me? It is totally true. He and I would play a game of "Truth" over ICQ and it was just an excuse to get turned on. It took me a long time to really even begin to touch myself and would be even longer before I bought my first vibrator which would lead to my first orgasm. But through him, I was encouraged to be intimate with myself. Explore my body. I went through a "what does this feel like inside me" phase. In college, I went through a "I have alone time, I must masturbate" phase. Now, I'm a sexed up woman who can't always call up her partners and literally takes matters into her own hands. 

And that's okay. I won't deny it. I'm old enough, horny enough, and sexy enough to admit this. 

If you've never tried masturbating and have questions about toys, use the box on the sidebar and ask. I would be happy to share the details. If you're nervous to try, do it in a clean environment, try letting your hands roam in the shower. And if you're in a relationship, don't worry masturbating isn't cheating and mutual masturbation is a totally acceptable form of foreplay. 

Now I want you to share your secrets with me. Leave me a comment and share your self discovery story. Share your style.