Wednesday, April 23, 2014

71% of Women & I'm Not One of Them

Someone once gave me a complex about orgasms. They told me I was hard to get off.

The problem is when someone is going down on me, I kind of expect magic. I expect that I should be getting off immediately and I know that it feels good, it is erotic to look down and see someone's head buried between my legs and it really is one of my favorite things. However, even though it feels good, if the moment doesn't happen early on my mind begins to wander and I get frustrated. I get nervous that they're going to get tired or upset.

Those nerves and those frustrations of my own make orgasming orally nearly impossible at times.

But...I'm lucky...

You see, unlike 71% of women, I can orgasm from actual penetration during sex!

As long as my partner can hold on and hold out, we've got this in the vag bag.

A couple things to remember is that different women orgasm from different stimulus. It isn't all just about ass, titties, and twat. Each part our body is laced with different nerves and they all provide different sensations. That said, it is really up to your body to decide what it likes, then it is up to you to tend those needs.

Some things to keep in mind:

  • Talk with your partner
Tell him/her what it is that you like. Don't be afraid to voice what you want. Use words like harder, slower, faster, up, down, or even full changes like "use your fingers". It is no strange occurrence for me to yell "Bite me" during oral sex. It is usually going to give me that extra stimulus (and also bruises).
  • Don't think about it
If you start thinking about it and stressing out it won't happen. I know this for a fact. I also know that it is much easier said than done. But if you find you're mind wandering, switch it up. Change position. Go from oral to intercourse. Do something. Even taking a small break from oral can give you the piece of mind that when he continues, s/he wants to be there. And it is a little bit of the give and take to know they're getting something, too. 
  • Accept how your body reacts
I've received a variety of orgasms in my experience. Oral, vaginal, anal...and something special. Our bodies are like little road maps to beautiful destinations and you should really take the scenic route. You honestly never know what you will find. The term "Hidden G Spot" is one that you may discover has quite magical properties.

Orgasms for a lot of people are not the end goal of intimacy. They are for me. Do any of you go through anything like this? Trouble getting your rocks off? Is it easier to masturbate? We won't talk about faking but I'm sure we have all been there. Share your thoughts with me in the comments.

Image Credit: Eric Amaranth

Monday, April 14, 2014

Reader Response: Cuckolding

You guys never seem cease to amaze me with how awesome you really are. When I put out a question to Twitter for your ideas and what you want to see discussed in Fetish Confessions, you came. I received an excellent question and an even more flattering compliment.

Today's question comes from a Twitter lovely:

What do you think of cuckolding? From the man and woman’s perspective in a relationship?

So I have to be honest and say that you and I, my beautiful reader, learn things from each other every day. Cuckolding is not what I thought it was. And so I have thought about this and slept on it and did my due diligence in research as well. And let me tell you, that you can sign me up for this.

But with tenuous conditions.

First, for those who don't know, cuckolding is when you bring another man into a married relationship for the purpose of stirring jealousy for arousal. This is a mental/psychological fetish where the man (the cuckold) is aroused and turned on by the thought of his wife being thrilled by not only another man, but in general a more endowed man, a younger man, a man that is everything he isn't. It is usually followed up with sharing the details, the clean up, or actually observing the transgressions.

Now as someone who isn't necessarily bent on an exclusive relationship right now, this could be something that I could really get into and really share with the right partner. However, as I mentioned there are conditions.

It seems that cuckolds and hotwives chose this as a lifestyle. I don't want to be forced into seducing other men and when I set out to have sex with my significant other, I don't want to talk about other people. I just want to fuck who I am with at that moment in time. I understand the desire and the lust behind sharing the details but as in all fetishes, it is a give and take. Give me my moment, I will give you yours.

The main thing that keeps lingering in my mind is that cuckolding is not an excuse to cheat. There is a hotwife and then there is a cheater. These are very different and it ultimately comes down to the one thing that people fail most at: communication. Sorry bitches, it's true. We all just suck at talking to each other sometimes.

As a side note, I'm not generally one for mental manipulation, humiliation, etc. forms of torture but this doesn't necessarily always have to fit that mold. I'm also inclined to just say give me a threesome!

Image Credit:

Thursday, April 3, 2014

Guest Post: Friendzoned? Why Not FWB-Zoned?

Sometimes FWB relationships can be tricky. It can be a thin line between FWB and something awkward. Here are some tips for making the best out of your FWB relationship:

1) Be safe

I can’t say this enough. BE SAFE. This covers physical safety, emotional safety, and sexual safety. Use a condom. Ask if your FWB has been tested. If you are meeting someone for the first time, say from a dating site or possibly Craigslist, meet in public. Don’t just meet in public, let someone know where you are going. Make sure they know when you are supposed to be back as well. You don’t have to tell them that you’re going to meet a hookup, just that you’re meeting a friend. If you feel it’s necessary, have them call you at a pre-arranged time. I am not saying that you should be scared or that it isn’t safe. It’s just better to take precautions. Don’t hook up with someone who makes you uncomfortable, who demeans you, or in any way is anything less than a friend. And by friend, I don’t mean frenemies.

2) Clearly define parameters and boundaries

Communication is key. Think of it like a safe word. What are you and aren’t you willing to do? Speak up if you feel like your FWB is getting more emotionally entangled than you’re comfortable with. If you don’t feel comfortable having that person over to your place, let them know. If all these things are upfront, it’s so much easier to know where you stand with your FWB. You know what you can and can’t do.

3) Do NOT get emotional

Fastest way to ruin a FWB relationship is to decide that you want your FWB to be your girlfriend/boyfriend. I think that girls are more prone to that than guys, but it happens both ways. If you think you are starting to fall for the other person, back off. Take some time apart. See some other people. Evaluate how much time you’re spending with your FWB. I’ve not had it happen, but I’m sure that it is possible for a FWB to turn into a dating relationship.

4) Friendship first

I can say that I’ve successfully had a few FWB relationships. The number one predictor of good FWB relationships for me has been friendship. If you find someone you are comfortable talking to, you’re going to be comfortable telling them what you like in bed. The more you can talk about that, the better the sex is going to be.

5) No drama

No jealousy. No freaking out if he/she doesn’t immediately text or call back. Remember that this is a relationship without commitment. Don’t be clingy, and don’t expect something that the other person might or might not be willing to give. Don’t show up at the other person’s house. Don’t stalk them, don’t friend them on Facebook. Don’t put yourself in a situation where things become uncomfortable for one or both people. The ideal in the situation is to still be friends in the end, after all the bedding has been done.

6) Have fun

Why do it if you aren’t having fun? Sex is fun. Good sex is better.

7) What happens in bed stays in bed

Don’t tell everyone about your FWB. It doesn’t have to be a big secret, but it’s classier to keep it to a minimum if you’re going to tell anyone. Don’t claim that you’re in a relationship or that it’s complicated on Facebook. Sadly, women who have multiple sex partners can end up being labeled sluts. While there’s a double standard, men can be sluts, too.

8) Be selfish
Part of the point of a FWB relationship is to get sexually satisfied. If your FWB isn’t satisfying you, he or she isn’t meeting your needs. You can either tell them what they need to change to make it happen, or you can say that it’s not working out and part ways.

9) End it with grace

Like many relationships, friendships and love alike, it may be time for your FWB relationship to come to an end. Maybe you’ve met someone you’d like to date. Maybe there aren’t sparks any more. Possibly your schedule becomes busy enough to rule out time for hookups. I can’t emphasize this enough: Be mature about it. Let your FWB know as soon as it happens. Don’t do it by text or email. Don’t do it over the phone. Do it in person. Your FWB deserves that respect.

Likewise, if you’re the one on the receiving end, let it go. There are plenty of people out there looking for a FWB relationship. It’s not worth the drama. Again, the ideal is to end up with someone you’re still friends with in the end.

10) Try something new

If you’ve always wanted to try something new—a position, a fetish, some new lingerie—this is the perfect time to do it. A FWB is for experimenting. A FWB is for perfecting a signature move. With a FWB, anything goes.