Thursday, April 3, 2014

Guest Post: Friendzoned? Why Not FWB-Zoned?

Sometimes FWB relationships can be tricky. It can be a thin line between FWB and something awkward. Here are some tips for making the best out of your FWB relationship:

1) Be safe

I can’t say this enough. BE SAFE. This covers physical safety, emotional safety, and sexual safety. Use a condom. Ask if your FWB has been tested. If you are meeting someone for the first time, say from a dating site or possibly Craigslist, meet in public. Don’t just meet in public, let someone know where you are going. Make sure they know when you are supposed to be back as well. You don’t have to tell them that you’re going to meet a hookup, just that you’re meeting a friend. If you feel it’s necessary, have them call you at a pre-arranged time. I am not saying that you should be scared or that it isn’t safe. It’s just better to take precautions. Don’t hook up with someone who makes you uncomfortable, who demeans you, or in any way is anything less than a friend. And by friend, I don’t mean frenemies.

2) Clearly define parameters and boundaries

Communication is key. Think of it like a safe word. What are you and aren’t you willing to do? Speak up if you feel like your FWB is getting more emotionally entangled than you’re comfortable with. If you don’t feel comfortable having that person over to your place, let them know. If all these things are upfront, it’s so much easier to know where you stand with your FWB. You know what you can and can’t do.

3) Do NOT get emotional

Fastest way to ruin a FWB relationship is to decide that you want your FWB to be your girlfriend/boyfriend. I think that girls are more prone to that than guys, but it happens both ways. If you think you are starting to fall for the other person, back off. Take some time apart. See some other people. Evaluate how much time you’re spending with your FWB. I’ve not had it happen, but I’m sure that it is possible for a FWB to turn into a dating relationship.

4) Friendship first

I can say that I’ve successfully had a few FWB relationships. The number one predictor of good FWB relationships for me has been friendship. If you find someone you are comfortable talking to, you’re going to be comfortable telling them what you like in bed. The more you can talk about that, the better the sex is going to be.

5) No drama

No jealousy. No freaking out if he/she doesn’t immediately text or call back. Remember that this is a relationship without commitment. Don’t be clingy, and don’t expect something that the other person might or might not be willing to give. Don’t show up at the other person’s house. Don’t stalk them, don’t friend them on Facebook. Don’t put yourself in a situation where things become uncomfortable for one or both people. The ideal in the situation is to still be friends in the end, after all the bedding has been done.

6) Have fun

Why do it if you aren’t having fun? Sex is fun. Good sex is better.

7) What happens in bed stays in bed

Don’t tell everyone about your FWB. It doesn’t have to be a big secret, but it’s classier to keep it to a minimum if you’re going to tell anyone. Don’t claim that you’re in a relationship or that it’s complicated on Facebook. Sadly, women who have multiple sex partners can end up being labeled sluts. While there’s a double standard, men can be sluts, too.

8) Be selfish
Part of the point of a FWB relationship is to get sexually satisfied. If your FWB isn’t satisfying you, he or she isn’t meeting your needs. You can either tell them what they need to change to make it happen, or you can say that it’s not working out and part ways.

9) End it with grace

Like many relationships, friendships and love alike, it may be time for your FWB relationship to come to an end. Maybe you’ve met someone you’d like to date. Maybe there aren’t sparks any more. Possibly your schedule becomes busy enough to rule out time for hookups. I can’t emphasize this enough: Be mature about it. Let your FWB know as soon as it happens. Don’t do it by text or email. Don’t do it over the phone. Do it in person. Your FWB deserves that respect.

Likewise, if you’re the one on the receiving end, let it go. There are plenty of people out there looking for a FWB relationship. It’s not worth the drama. Again, the ideal is to end up with someone you’re still friends with in the end.

10) Try something new

If you’ve always wanted to try something new—a position, a fetish, some new lingerie—this is the perfect time to do it. A FWB is for experimenting. A FWB is for perfecting a signature move. With a FWB, anything goes.

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