What was different this time?
I promise it had nothing to do with the beer I had before I got there.
Or the three drinks I had while I was there. Totally not.
What I experienced was a new level of high. Dabbles in voyeurism and exhibitionism; raw sexual energy could be found everywhere.
It wouldn't be long before the feeling that was coursing over my skin and through my veins would be more than adrenaline. I found myself in a dark bar, surrounded by friends who had their eyes on me but my eyes were only on us. A man, a master of the violet wand, who would open up my world. Who would soon be tearing screaming electricity up my skirt, across my body, and down my exposed cleavage.
This was the experience that would change it all.
I could feel the eyes of people around me. They came back to tell me later they saw the moment I lost myself to the spacey feeling of pure pleasure. They watched as I made a quiet plea for him to touch me. And I don't know if anyone will ever know how close I was to cumming. There on that table where I was unable to control a side of me that wants to be free.
A side that was open enough to later strip down, be quite more than half naked in front of a bar full of people. I climbed up on that table, naked in only boots and panties and was taken to a place where I was in pure bliss. Hot, burning wax was being poured onto my flesh and all I could do was think.
I could hear what they were saying. The voices that were so far away. I heard words like "She's so pretty" or "lovely" or "she looks wonderful" floating in on little whispers as I stopped the tears from falling. For in that place, in the place where no one could reach me, in the place where pain pricks and pleases, I realized that I am flawed and I am always going to be that way. I lay there bare and exposed but my heart wept with the social anxiety of 20 years but as their words floated in and around me, carrying me on a cloud, I knew I was naked and I knew I was beautiful.
And I know I will be okay.
This party is not for the faint of heart. There are beatings. There are violent words. There is pain. But there is pleasure. There is a world of understanding and it is waiting to be found. If you think you're interested in this, don't wait. Please, don't hesitate to feel this.
**Image Credit: electroplyr - ArtoftheVioletWand.com