Tuesday, July 8, 2014

Reader's Response: What Was Your Worst?

It seems like the hornier I get the less I write. I suppose that is because I'm trying to not think about it all the time or that I am trying to fill my time...and myself if you know what I mean. But I'm still right here. And you can still ask me absolutely anything you want.

Like this DM I got on Twitter:

What was your worst sexual experience?

Well, I know everyone thinks that if a guy's dick doesn't work that is the most horrible thing you can think of to happen in the moment.

But I really just don't think so.

I think it is hard to really pick one that classifies as the worse. To answer this though, I think I will use my first time with a partner. Which doesn't count because first times aren't supposed to be awesome but nothing has been as bad as this...

My boy and I were going out on a date. He lived 8 hours away from me and had come in to visit! Aww, so sweet and things got hot and heavy quickly. I could make up all sorts of excuses for what I am about to share but it comes down to inexperience.

He and I pulled off to this secluded not-quite-a-street side road. I can't remember how awkwardly we got my clothes off but I can remember seeing his head between my legs while we thought he was giving me the pleasure of a lifetime. TWENTY-EIGHT ORGASMS! That's how many orgasms I had.

Just kidding. 

There, in the backseat of his mom's car, I never had a single orgasm. But I didn't know that at the time. I had no idea what a real orgasm was. I also did the whole Titanic hand wipe of the windows once they were foggy.

Not to mention, I seem to recall crying the first time I saw his penis.

Let's just not even go there. Just no.

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