Disclaimer: This may or may not be graphic in nature.
I expect to take flack from what I'm about to tell you. I expect your reactions to be stereotypical. Don't worry, I'm braced. I'm a big girl with big girl panties. I've already had this conversation with someone who needed it so here I am, telling the rest of the world.
I'm a fetishist. Yeah, I'm a freak. Every inch of me burns with the desire to feel that this is most abhorrent to the majority of the world. My soul finds that level of fucking freedom in the weirdest places. My skin has bruised shades of red that make people cringe. You think you like rough sex? This takes me higher.
And the reach of the freak inside burns deep. Because inside this little head of mine, and inside the heads of a lot of women, lays this darkness. This darkness that is too taboo, it is so bad that I told you I wouldn't even talk about it. But that's changed.
But at the depths my fantasies, do you know what lays there? Nonconsent. Rape.
In the prettiest places in our psyches, it is the thing that scares us that elicits the beauty that is arousal. In the way you don't realize your body wants it, that is where this lays. And a lot of women, fetishist or not, experience this same pull to the bad.
This intrigue inside my head gets swept up and churned with the craved feeling of hands at my throat, smacks across my face, and level of rough intensity.
Do you know why I am telling you this? If you're a woman and you feel this way, if your girlfriend feels this way, you're not alone. That darkness doesn't have to swallow or make you ashamed of it. Because at the core, nonconsent is bad. But that doesn't mean you have to had from the fact that the bad things in the world make your skin electric instead of crawl in the darkness of your own bedroom.
This isn't a call for consent violations. Keep your dick in your pants, boys.
This is a notice that there are safe ways to explore even the parts of your mind you don't want to admit are there. And the consensual nonconsent can take you places you didn't know existed.
Consent. It isn't a blurred line. It is there or it isn't.
Image notes: This is an image in relationship to Erotic Asphyxiation. No rape or consent violation was explored or intended in the photo.