Tuesday, May 6, 2014

Guest Post: You Can Have Your Cake & Eat It Too!

When I left for college, I was about to celebrate my 2 year anniversary with my fiance, who had just turned 21. I moved to a different state to pursue my education. He didn't come. He didn't even go get a driver's license so he could come visit me. But he wanted me to come see him as much as possible and wait in my room for him to call me after classes. 

During my second week of classes, a classmate handed me a flyer for a club meeting. I was interested and excited and that afternoon I told Fiance about the club and how I was going to go. He got really upset and accused me of cheating on him because I wanted to make friends. 

Over the next few weeks, our phone calls started to always end with him upset at me, me upset for him being upset. I started drinking occasionally, causing more fights because he was straight edge. I went home for a weekend and got a tattoo at an appointment I'd made months before. We spent the rest of the weekend arguing. I went back to school, trying to push it all out of my mind.

Within a couple of weeks, I ended up "hooking up" with another guy. I went back home to break up with Fiance in person after several more painful phone calls. He threatened to kill himself. I left anyways. I knew by that point that he'd been manipulating me for a while. I also figured out why he was constantly do jealous of my attentions. He had figured out something about me that no one else had, not even me: I wasn't straight. I love women. And I love men. But really, most of all, I love brains. I adore compassion. I crave wit. And I'm an extremely passionate person. 

Over the next few months, I spent time exploring who I was, who I wanted to be. I knew that I never wanted to feel controlled or trapped in a relationship again. For a while, I thought that meant not being in a relationship at all. I had a FWB and other people to pass the time with, but my FWB made it very clear that he would not be in a relationship with me, even though we cared for each other deeply.

After several months of discovering myself (and my first orgasms!) a friend that I'd met earlier in the school year started spending more time with me. We exchanged comic books and discovered we shared the same favorite author. I began to see him in a different light. We started hanging out at least once a week. I remember the first time we had "the talk". We were standing outside his apartment, smoking cigarettes on the balcony. He had just told me he'd never had an actual girlfriend before, and so I told him about Fiance. I leaned on the railing between sentences, took a drag, and evenly said "I could never be in a relationship with someone who told me I couldn't be with other people. I think monogamy is unnatural and wrong. It's definitely wrong for me." My heart pounding, terrified that I'd just lost this chance at a relationship, let alone our friendship. He sighed in a relieved way. "Me too. The human animal is not inherently monogamous." 

A few weeks later, we had our first date. He made me cum three times that first night.

Image Credit: Relevant Magazine & Stephan Speaks

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