Saturday, February 8, 2014

Over-cum My Fears

I admit defeat that the pun in this title is absolutely abhorrent. But I had to have something that got the point across. Something that says people have things about sex that make them nervous, that keep them from being confident in bed and you have to figure out what those are to work on them.

Let's face it. I Have turned into someone who just puts her sex life out on the line like a lady dons a hat for the Kentucky Derby. I don't have any problem talking about the things that make me one of two things:

Naïve or Hott

You have to take the good with the bad.

It is at this point I hate my soul because [The Guy] has me thinking YOLO might actually have merit. And I kind of feel the need to use it in this context. We are all going to have bad sex. We are all going to have good sex. But it requires you to make a sort of sacrifice. You have to give your trust to your partner and you have to put down your inhibitions so that the both of enjoy yourselves.

So to make this transition a little easier, I thought it would be helpful to share my biggest fears that I have since overcome. And instead of rambling, you'll get some serious insight into my psyche over the next few days!

The first fear/lack of confidence was over:

My Orgasms

So this is OBVIOUSLY something that is the goal whenever you're doing something sexual. There are other things and I am realistic enough to know it doesn't happen every time but I digress. It is still important.

When I first found out what an orgasm really was (you should feel sorry for my first boyfriend, poor guy) I was quite easily enthralled by the feeling. However, at this point I had seen enough to porn to know that I didn't really do what happened in the movies. When I started having orgasms from other people (gasp!) it got really interesting and pretty embarrassing really quickly.

I thought that girls were supposed to shriek loudly, squint their eyes and curl their toes. That is not what happens to me. Not at all. I'm all primal. And very loud. That was a really intimidating thing for me to talk about and left me with the feeling of the "walk of shame" all the time. But then I started to branch out. I had more partners and lots more sex and something happened.

Partners (not just full sex partners) were asking me "Do you always cum that hard?" And all I could say was yes and watch the lust grow in their eyes. In that moment, I realized people were turned on by that! What?! People were totally digging my animalistic climaxes. And now that is all I can think about. Suddenly, its all I want for my partners, [The Guy] or otherwise, to watch my face in the throws of every passionate moment I am having.

Okay, so maybe I didn't have to do much on my own about this particular fear but it was a hurdle nonetheless. There is going to be a time when you find the partner who absolutely digs everything about you. And until you do, you have to feel comfortable in them. If you're not and you're worrying about it, then you're not having fun. If you're not having fun, what is the point in having sex?

1 comment:

  1. Oh god sexual fears.. I have so many. Want to know my dirty secret that I barely dared tell Dan.. or even my doctor? I'm fairly disinterested in sex. It's not that I can't derive sexual pleasure, I'm just.. not that interested and it really, really bothers me. For years I figured I was enjoying it just fine but I realised I was doing it to make my partners happy and take the focus away from my disinterest, even subconsciously. Currently, I have sex many 2 or 3 times A YEAR. I've considered it being a result of my depression, medication, birth control... but I don't know. I think it might just be me. I considered the fact that I could be A sexual but there are times that I want it.. And when I do, I want it missionary and takes me ages to reach the O-face. I don't like it at all, makes me feel abnormal. :( It's embarrassing.