I want to do ALL THE THINGS! Somewhere inside me, in the place the sun never touches, I have developed a thirst to try new experiences. Its always been there, but it hasn't always been as obvious as it is now. Its pretty much at the level I imagine a boy with a raging boner in the middle of class is at: fucking obvious. And it is totally clashing with everything that has previously been my "nature". Damn, I know people change but it is like I don't know where the old me ends and the new Leila beings. Old me is (read: always has been)...
I mean up until very recently, I would have even identified as shy. It seems it is not so much shy as it is a form of social anxiety and claustrophobia of large crowds. I have to be able to admit this if I am ever going to overcome it and I don't want to be held back by panic attacks and quiet attitudes. Hell, my attitude is anything but quiet these days. And that is what is resulting in...
Fuck! I really just want to ask a boy out without having 4+ drafted text messages. I should just be able to say "Hey, lets hang out" but that just isn't happening. It's more like
Dammit what is so hard about the chick asking the dick to hang? So what if it is to hang out with his wang out? It doesn't matter, I'm still struggling to figure it out.
And to top it off, I'm not a loner party and that means that my extrovert is at a severe disadvantage when trying to raise its pretty head.
Which leaves me thinking: How do I fix this fucking problem? I'm sick of living my life by labels that don't define me anymore. We really all need to fight against labels and take charge of the lives we want to live.
And that time is now.