Thursday, February 13, 2014

My Body | My Temple

This is hands down the hardest thing to overcome because no one can do it but you. Anyone can tell you're beautiful (you are, by the way) but only you can believe it.

It is no big secret that I am a Big Beautiful Woman (BBW for you fetishists in the making). I'm 5'11 and somewhere on the spectrum towards the 300 lbs end (Holy Shit! I just put that out there!). I struggle with a lot of things when it comes to my appearance. I have had a terrible complexion all my life. I wear glasses. I have stick-straight, thin hair. And I am sure I could keep going on and on about the things I know are wrong with my body compared to society's view of beauty. And ya know what, it took a lot of time and a lot of bad days to look at my body and feel sexy.

But I did it.

I'm not going to pretend that it was easy. I'm not going to pretend that when I looked in the mirror while hugging [The Guy] naked, my appearance didn't catch me a little off guard. But those moments, are quick and fleeting before I really see me again and think something along the lines of "Oh yeah, I'm smokin' hott". I want you to be there, too. I want you to see how beautiful you are; I want this for everyone.

Let me share with you some things that I found helped me. I hope it does some good.

Look at your body!
Really look at it and do it often. Stand in front of a mirror and take it all in. It might be uncomfortable but don't cover yourself from your own eyes. You know what you are on the inside, see it and know the outside.

Sleep naked and touch your body!
You need to feel comfortable without your clothes, without that barrier between your body and someone's eyes. And when you touch your body, learn the way it feels. Know the way it feels under your hands. Know the places you want your partner to touch.

Be a selfie whore!
It is the only way I ever got used to all of me. Yes, there are going to be bad pictures but there are also going to be great ones. This helps you play with angles and lighting and really learn to capture a sexy you that you are willing to put out there for others to enjoy.

Wear a Shirt of Confidence!
Your hottest outfit should be your own skin!

You don't have to be a rockstar who puts her not-porn-but-sexy photos out there for the world to see, but I will tell you you deserve to do that if you want to. You deserve the right to feel that sexy. Because we all do.


  1. I've got to say, even though this blog is primarily geared towards women, I still find myself reading this blog regularly. I think it's because like myself, I'm starting to learn to accept myself as I am; not what others think of me. That in itself is empowering.

    I'm still trying to be more open about myself, so I'm not paralyzed by the little fears that we all have sometimes. I admit, I'm still not fully happy with my body, but I do see the positives.

    I just need to embrace myself more -as I am-, not what others should think I should be. As always, I'm still a work in progress.

    And as I've said before, that photo of you is very tastefully well done, and it captures you very well.

  2. This might be my favourite blog post ever. I need to take some of this advice.

  3. I can definitely understand being shy around the opposite sex, especially in the romantic context. I do think you can be introvert and not be shy. Sometimes things aren't that simple. However, I believe strongly that if you want to do something, you can. So my advice is to just do it. While its difficult, especially the whole anticipation, fear of the anticipation, fear of rejection, etc. But none of that will help you. To get around it, you need to just believe that you can. Tell yourself that you are awesome, and you can do anything you want. And you know what, you *are* awesome, and you *can* do anything.

    Of course, be careful, some people are dangerous, and you need to use your instincts to avoid putting yourself in danger, but that sort of thing is different than being afraid of asking.

    And while I agree with @Kharendos's comment about trust, I'd say its trust in fate or god, or whatever you believe - The point is you don't have any control, and you need to accept that. And for some people that's real hard.

  4. With respect to #3, Sex is supposed to be able to form connections through hormones that are released both during and after the act. I know personally that after I feel more close to my partner. However, I also have a problem. I have not been able to complete the act unless I have feelings for my partner. The few gals I have been with that I didn't have feelings with didn't end well. So I'm not really able to say from personal experience whether the act actually can form feelings with someone when they aren't there before.

  5. I mentioned that they can heighten a connection. But I do have a partner that literally ends up being a "I'm horny, come over, let's fuck" situation. He and I both acknowledge that past our friendship and our sex, we want nothing from each other. There is kissing and intimacy but no deep set psychological feelings that bubble to the surface or anything.

  6. Asking this particular person out has definitely put me in my place. Usually I am very impulsive and just go for what I want and he has made it clear the ball is in his court now. I just don't want to fall away from something/someone I enjoy and its bothering me.

  7. If you and your partner are ok with it, no one else matters. A few of my friends have partners like you do. One actually ended in marriage and a kid now, so what is one way may not always be one way, but that sort of thing is what makes life... entertaining.

  8. It is always hard to not be in control. But all you can do is give it your best, if its not meant to be, it won't happen. While that may make you sad, you can always be proud that you did the best you can. Its much better, at least IMO to do that then be stuck in indecision and not even try because of fear.

  9. I definitely have been paralyzed by fear before and I am so tired of living my life by that. By fear, by anxiety, by all of the things that stress me out in social atmospheres. At least now, I am confident enough in who I am and my body that I really only have the small talk/social skills to work on.

    Basically, I need to grow some ovaries and say hi. :)