Part of my reason for asking to guest post on this blog is that I am a feminist, and I believe in women’s empowerment in every area of life. I see conservatives’ push for so many abortion bills as an attempt to control women’s sexual behavior. If we are not empowered enough to talk about sex, how can we be empowered enough to have control over our sexual lives? How can we determine which are truths and which are lies if we do not discuss sex and sexual behavior? How can we fight for our sexual freedom if we do not discuss our bodies and our emotions about sex?
I was 25 years old when I lost my virginity. In the years since, I’ve come to regret my decision to wait. Here’s why:
2) It will never be as magical as the books and movies make it out to be. Sex is awkward, sometimes funny, can be slightly messy, and at times, painful. It also takes practice to get the right parts in the right place and in most cases to be any good at it! It is the job of romance writers to make sex a fantasy. They wouldn’t stay in business if they didn’t dangle that carrot.
3) The older you are, the more of a big deal it becomes. It gets blown way out of proportion. If you are anything like me, you daydream about how it might be. In my experience, anticipation is often worse than the event itself. Waiting creates more anxiety, and can result in sexual hangups.
4) I wasted a lot of the time I could have been having great sex. Having ANY sex would have been better than none.
5) I was always told the lie that it would somehow diminish me if I were to share my body with someone else. I supposedly gave away a little piece of my soul every time I allowed someone else in my body. Pff! The only thing I share during sex is some bodily fluids and pleasure. My soul is intact, and it is mine. I regret none of my sexual partners.
*Caveat: This was the lie my church told me. It was the case across several different denominations. I have since then left the church and come to the conclusion that they are totally mistaken, especially in a sexual context.
6) Marriage does not automatically make you sexually compatible with your partner. Marriage does not automatically make sex good. I can’t even imagine what the sex would be like between two virgins. Would they even know how to get to a point where it would be good? I would guess that sexual issues is amongst the reasons that couples cite when getting a divorce.
I’m not advocating that you go out and lose your virginity as young as possible. I think having sex the first time is for women as bad as waiting! You shouldn’t be satisfied by teenage groping. You deserve someone thoughtful, slow, and experienced for your first time, not a randy, quick-at-the-trigger teenage boy.